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Really don't no what to do

(13 Posts)
hannahbellaa29 Mon 24-Oct-16 08:17:23

Right some people are going too think I'm selfish.. but here goes.. I got with my partner 18 months ago he has a little boy full time who is nearky 4 now!! The trouble is he has no respect for me he makes my life so hard.. he doesn't listen too a word I say he kicks and screams at me if I ask him to do anything.. it makes me really misearable! So yesterday I told his dad I couldn't do it anymore.. but I love his dad so so much it's killing me.. I keep thinking should I take him back and get in with it.. but then I won't be happy... but his dad makes me feel a million dollars all I have ever shared in a man.. but then I think back to the little boy!! I really am stuck in what too do xx

ShatnersWig Mon 24-Oct-16 08:24:46

No, you're not selfish. You have a right to be happy in a relationship and the way his DS acts towards you means you're not happy. I think a lot depends on what your DPs response to you saying you couldn't do it any more was.

ErnieAndBernie Mon 24-Oct-16 08:31:34

How dos your DP respond to the way his DS acts towards you?

Jinglebellsandv0dka Mon 24-Oct-16 08:47:03

You do have a right to be happy in a relationship but in all honesty I'd go now if you can't hack it as you will and should be second fiddle to his son. He is only four.

Have a look in to the future and see what your life will be like as this boy gets older, how you will deal with his naughtiness or disrespect then. What you might see as disrespect your partner may see it as sillyness or put it down to him being little which will always cause conflict and resentment. Do you want thst?

Can you be big enough to let it go and put the child's intrests first? Can you be a role model to this child? Can you be a positive influence on him?

I've got three kids and I think my Dh took on a lot with dd1. It's took a while but she does respect and care for him now but he is super laid back, placid and was always happy to take the back seat with dd1. I don't think I could have done that if it was the other way round.

TheNaze73 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:16:39

I think a lot depends on what your boyfriend does to discipline him. You need to realise, quite rightly you're always going to play second fiddle to a child however, what he's doing to mitigate things is the issue here

hannahbellaa29 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:17:21

That's exactly what I wanted too hear.. no I can't do it.. as much as I love him I can't fight with his son any longer.. I looked after him while his dad went too work and my days where hell.. I don't want that anymore!! Only thing is he said he can't leave my house until he gets himself somewhere..

pocketsaviour Mon 24-Oct-16 09:25:29

Does our DP have his son full time? Is the boy's mum not around? If this relationship is really good then I'd consider whether the boy's behaviour is due to him being upset/traumatised over his mum leaving (?) and could be something that improves with time and perhaps some professional help.

When I met my late husband that was the situation with his son. His mum had walked out when he was 3 and as a result he was very insecure, clingy with his dad, played up for attention, etc. I did stick with it and after about 6 months he had started calling me mum and was actually better behaved for me than for his dad!! He is now a strapping 21 year old who still calls me mum smile

However if it's been 18 months and things are still this difficult, and you can't see them improving, then I think you have to pull the plug. It's not selfish to want to be happy and peaceful in your home.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Oct-16 09:25:43

Give him a time limit.
He has 2 weeks to get out.
This will drag on and on otherwise.
While he is still living in your property are you expected to look after the son?
Who looked after him with his dad was at work before?
Why did it fall to you to do?
My OH has kids but he would never expect me to look after them on my own and I wouldn't want to.
You didn't set boundaries with him.
Lesson learnt.
Now get him out!

LisaMed1 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:26:21

If he can't leave until he gets somewhere then that's one thing (though watch the time limit). However there is no reason for you to do childcare anymore. You may want to leave the house v early on days when that would normally happen so that you don't suddenly find yourself left with his son as 'you might as well as you're home anyway'.

hermione2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:33:58

Recognising it is doesn't work for you is a sign of maturity.You have to want to be a step mum, it's much,much harder than being a biological mum.

If it's not right don't force it.18 months should be the happy stage not filled with angst.

hermione2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 09:37:58

Definitely give him a time limit.Honestly it's not your issue, he's an adult and you have known him 18months???

Don't let him guilt you, you absolutely can end this because it doesn't work for you.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Mon 24-Oct-16 10:04:21

Ah I can see why it's too much. I think it would be deferent if he had his own place which you visited and could escape to your own place when it got too much.

TBH I think he is taking the piss a bit. He should not be asking you to to do child care really especially if you find it hard to deal with him plus he is basically saying he will go when he is ready.

I would feel incredibly trapped. Is he going to be having his son at your place while he 'looks' for a new place?

TheNaze73 Mon 24-Oct-16 10:13:09

You're free to end relationship anytime you want OP. Don't make his problem become your problem

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