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How would you deal with this?

(8 Posts)
namechangedforthis01 Sun 23-Oct-16 21:58:45

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place.
Been with DP 3 years and expecting DC2.
Within the last year there have been some tensions between myself and FIL, I have always got on well with MIL and they separated 2 years ago, which I think is when the tensions started. FIL is quite rude and has never really had anything nice to say about me, I have been civil for DP sake but recently it became quite bad (he sent me a text calling me names and was quite threatening) so I asked DP to say to him I would prefer him not to come to the house anymore. He only lives 2 miles away so not a problem for DP to see him as they both drive.
I have been very upset with DP that he hasn't stood up for me this last year and says 'that's just what he's like' when I mention how he is behaving makes me feel, although he didn't agree with the threatening text he feels it will blow over by the time baby arrives and his DF will be able to visit again.
I made it clear I didn't want to stop contact with baby but as he lives so close I couldn't see why DP couldn't just taken baby to visit without me and then I wouldn't have to see him.
What would you do? Do I need to just accept some people are nobs and let him visit baby at our home?
Just feel like DP is putting the feelings of his DF above mine and it's causing a lot of tension confused

Stormwhale Sun 23-Oct-16 22:03:41

I will not accept anyone treating me in the manner you have described. I would absolutely cut contact in your shoes. I would explain again to your dp how you feel, tell him you want nothing more to do with his father unless he changes his behaviour and maintains that change. And I would mean it.

PinkiePiesCupcakes Sun 23-Oct-16 22:08:25

I would not accept it at all. The moment he entered the house I would leave. If OH kept dismissing awful texts then he'd be welcome to go live with his dad.
Don't put up with it and if the texts were threatening then I'd start thinking about seeking police interve tion on harassment charges.

Steppenwolfe Sun 23-Oct-16 22:15:13

I would not have someone so disrespectful cross my door and drink my bloody tea ! If husband wishes to continue then he does so outside your home . You have a right to be respected and safe in your home . Stay strong on this ...you are completely reasonable here .

namechangedforthis01 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:20:12

Thank you.
The replies were what I was expecting tbh I just feel bad that DP is caught in the middle and that with a baby on the way a lot of pressure will be put on him to have FIL visit. His father is quite manipulative with him and knows how to make him feel terrible which I kind of feel responsible for (even though I shouldnt!)

HerOtherHalf Sun 23-Oct-16 22:24:24

You're partner doesn't need to be "stuck in the middle", he could stand by you. Tell him to grow a pair and support the mother of his kids, even if it means telling his own dad to wind his neck in.

JoJoSM2 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:29:49

Do you think FIL might apologize and start behaving himself around you again? Perhaps it'd be worth dropping a hint to DP about that. I don't think there is much mileage in refusing to be anywhere near him if DP and FIL have a good relationship as it puts a strain on your relationship with DP... I'd probably give him one more chance (provided he apologised) but if there was any name calling or other out-of-order behaviour then that would be that.

namechangedforthis01 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:44:02

jojo I did ask for an apology (DP did on my insistence) and FIL flatly refused unfortunately confused
The last year has been strained but I was always civil I made small talk and drinks etc, he isn't the apologising type even if he knows he's in the wrong it's the pride that gets in the way I think.

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