Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What would you do?

(14 Posts)
loookingforadvice Sun 23-Oct-16 03:53:27

I don't know if I should be posting here, but i just feel so alone and heartbroken. This would make a perfect episode for the Jeremy Kyle show!

Right so long story short, (probably won't be short), me and my partner have been together for 2 and a half years. We have had some really rough patches. One of the worst patches was in march time, and caused us to argue constantly and everything about our relationship was a misery. Although we never split up officially, it was really off, and was so for a few weeks.

During this time, today I have discovered that my partner met a woman twice and had sex with her on both occasions. Nothing more than this, and has had no contact with her since. He also claims it was just sex and nothing more, no feelings etc etc.

In the June my partner and I had finally sorted everything and he moved in with me. We have never been better. Only ever have arguments over the norm petty couple things. We have built up a relationship like never before and at the moment (well before I found out this) I was the happiest and we most loved up we have ever been. Also in September I found out I was pregnant, and he has been even more amazing ever since. Before we sorted things, there was no romance at all, and now I feel like it's only the beginning of our relationship. (You know them loved up feelings you get right at the start)

I just don't know what to do. Is it fair that I end our relationship over this now or is it too late? I really am truly heartbroken even though it was months ago. If I'd of found out this around the time it would be a completely different story. I don't know if to believe the "once a cheat always a cheat" saying, or if to give him a chance as we have been so good and are now expecting. I don't think I could trust him for a while, and every time I think about it I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I wouldn't of even considered doing anything to that extent no matter what, even though we was really bad.

What is the right thing to do?sad

FromthePinkGlitterySide Sun 23-Oct-16 03:57:37

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you feel like you can work through it and move past it. I think infidelity means different things to different people. I think most people would tell you to get rid of him but it's not always that easy. Do you feel you can trust him or will you always be feeling the need to check up on him? That's a hard way to live. Do you think you would be happier without the feelings you are having at the moment?

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 23-Oct-16 04:01:50

No one can tell you what is right for you, only you can do that.

But - what it IS showing is that, when the going gets tough, your OH seeks solace elsewhere. You're pregnant now - post-birth, you might have a serious libido dip, you might get PND, you might think that sex and your OH is the last thing on your mind - is he likely to weasel off and find comfort in someone else's bed then too?

Again, only you can decide how you want to go forward with this. I would say keep your options open as far as you can, given that you're having a baby with him.

So sorry you're going through this.

loookingforadvice Sun 23-Oct-16 04:08:32

I am honestly not sure if I could ever get over it. There's always going to be part of me worrying. But I am only so confused as we have been so amazing for months and got out a lot more, which was a previous relationship problem. Part of me is saying "why would he be so perfect for months if he didn't love me and was still wanting to go else where" if you get what I mean. Surely he would of been acting off like before. Even our sex life has massively improved. (Sorry for the info) grinI don't know if I'm making sense, my mind is not functioning as well as usual. I'm exhausted but can't sleep as I'm way too upset. What would you do if you was in this situation? I really do love him dearly, and don't want my child growing up in a broken family sad

loookingforadvice Sun 23-Oct-16 04:12:31

Yes thumb, I really do see where you are coming from. This is what I said to him, he can't be doing things like that just because our relationship is off. However this was when he had his own place. Now we are living together and haven't had any rough patches what so ever since. It was constant before we sorted things.

FromthePinkGlitterySide Sun 23-Oct-16 04:13:51

Don't worry about broken homes. There is no reason why your child should be damaged if you can both work together to make co parenting ok. I think you should take your time to think about what you want and how you feel. No need to pressure yourself in to deciding. Be kind to yourself. Do what you feel and what makes you happy. I'm sorry I can't give better advice grin

maras2 Sun 23-Oct-16 04:43:08

What ever you decide for you and your baby,good luck from me.I'm the last person to give advice but if you've had rough patches and his infidelity in just 2 and 1/2 years it really doesn't bode well for the future does it? Best wishes though.Mx.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 23-Oct-16 05:36:23

It feels like the beginning because it is. You've only been back together since June. That's 4 months. It should be all hearts and flowers. Not hard work and arguments.

phoebe2016 Sun 23-Oct-16 05:51:34

Hi. Personally, I could never forgive someone for sleeping with someone else, not even once, but twice! To do that, he can't have much respect for you, how could you ever fully trust him again? Being pregnant and then having a young baby, means he is probably going to get less sex at home and stress levels will be higher, what's to say he won't seek it elsewhere again??
Maybe he has been so great lately out of guilt? Whatever you do, don't feel you have to stay with him just because you are pregnant. You can still be a perfectly great single mum and he can have regular access to the child. Whatever you decide, which I know won't be easy, I wish you all the best luck.

Joysmum Sun 23-Oct-16 07:11:57

Daft question here, you said you weren't officially over but it was really off for a few weeks. What does that mean? Could he have thought you'd split up due to the situation even though it hadn't officially happened in your eyes?

TheNaze73 Sun 23-Oct-16 14:35:46

You shouldn't be having rough patches only 2 1/2 years in & you shouldn't be putting up with that shit either

PoldarksBreeches Sun 23-Oct-16 14:39:03

Why has it been bad at these points in your relationship? What have they been about?

Happybunny19 Sun 23-Oct-16 15:06:42

I'm with the others, you have been together a short time and it's not normal to expect so much drama during this stage. A relationship that doesn't have the every day stresses of money, kids etc should be the easiest time you'll ever have together. I would doubt your future together simply because of the ups and downs you've described as dominating your time together so far, regardless of any infidelity. Although I'm still not clear if it was infidelity as you describe being off - split up?

JoJoSM2 Sun 23-Oct-16 19:49:03

Do you feel you could ever forgive him and move on? Personally, I wouldn't be able to forgive that and I'd end the relationship. I wouldn't entertain thoughts about children and 'broken homes' or kid myself that living together will make any difference... It'a much worse for a child to grow up in a home where parents don't trust each other and hate each other's guts.
I'm not convinced that you will be able to get on as you haven't been able to get on in the early stages of your relationship - normally that's a breeze and the challenges start when you have children and mortgages etc.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now