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How do I support my husband to loose weight

(9 Posts)
CheeseDreams Sat 22-Oct-16 11:31:37

My Dh has always struggled with his weight, since we met 7 years ago (when he was at his lowest ever weight) he'd put on about 8 stone until Feb this year when he saw photos of himself at a family wedding and decided to do something. He started on the Cambridge diet, he did amazingly and until about a month ago he had lost 4 1/2 stone. However his Cambridge diet woman told him his target weight was probably a bit low and he may not reach it. This upset and annoyed him and he decided that he wouldn't see her again but would do it himself and buy another version of the products on line. This hasn't worked and he is steadily putting the weight back on (at quite a rate too)

I find it so hard to watch this (obv is much harder for him!)

He has a very emotional relationship with food which is because of his childhood so is very emotionally engrained. If he is sad, stressed, worried etc he eats. If he is happy he will treat himself with food. He also expresses love with food - cooking me delicious dinners, buying food he knows I love, taking me to wonderful restaurants.

He's a amazing man and I love him no matter what size he is but I want to help and support him and I don't know how. Every time I do something it's wrong and I'm ashamed so say I've done lots the of things online it says not to do (unintentionally).

I feel so helpless watching the man I love hurt himself (he hates it when he puts on weights and feel so sad and ashamed) but all the suggested things on line like only have healthy food in the house, cook healthy low fat meals, portion control etc feel so passive.

Basically I want to solve the problem but I know I can't do that only he can but how to I support him? I keep getting it wrong so he then gets upset and goes and eat.

Hope this doesn't make me sound like a bitch, I love him so much and just want to help but don't know what to do to help.

Wise ladies of mumsnet, please advise me!

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 22-Oct-16 11:44:14

Hi op

I think that whatever money he's spending on the diet stuff he should maybe put towards some counselling, then if your willing enact a change of lifestyle and start some healthy eating recipes.

If he feels like it's a diet he might feel fed up of it after a bit, but maybe some treats now and again plus some counselling to really look At his reasons will break the back of things for him.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 22-Oct-16 11:52:55

I promise I am not a consultant for them but an attendee - has he tried attending slimming world? Many men go and the element of group support can be wonderful and often the only thing that keeps people going. It has helped me get a better relationship with food and realise my rookie errors with the food I make and consume. You could go with him?

TheNaze73 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:02:56

I think all you can do is be encouraging & supportive. At the end of the day, he's got to want to do it. Slimming world is a good suggestion

CheeseDreams Sat 22-Oct-16 12:13:07

Thank you so much for your suggestions.

He is currently seeing a therapist, initially it was to talk about childhood issues but he seems to be talking about work rather than the underlying childhood stuff (but obv that's not my business and he needs to go through whatever he feels he needs to talk about)

Thanks for the slimming world suggestions, I bloody love slimming world!! All the meals I cook at home and food in the cupboard is slimming works stuff. Maybe I could suggest this to him again. He does work away a lot though so finds it difficult to keep it up (with the Cambridge diet he just wouldn't eat...but saying that I'm sure he could make healthier choices when he's away if he was on slimming world)

Fintress Sat 22-Oct-16 12:16:47

You could both take up walking, it's great exercise. Given that he works away a lot joining a gym might be a waste of money. But a little exercise combined with Slimming World might be ideal. Great to see how supportive you are too.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 22-Oct-16 12:26:27

I think he could get a lot out of a good slimming world leader. There's 2 men in my group! No judgements also it might still work if he works away you would just have to see what they say. It's the element of support and understanding I enjoy from it. You can share your bad times and your good

Myusernameismyusername Sat 22-Oct-16 12:28:12

I really am against the Cambridge diet in fact I think it's dangerous and stupid. It works for a quick loss but pretty much every person ends up depressed they cannot maintain it. It's no good for your mental or physical health so try encourage him not to go back to that!

Joysmum Sat 22-Oct-16 14:35:33

My doctor recommended lighter life as it has group therapy included. It was the start of learning about myself. Nothing else has been as effective because it was s diet focussed, rather than trying to figure out triggers and coping strategies.

The break from conventional food allowed me to hit my reset button too so these food replacement packs are what work for me to lose the weight and figure out how best to cope with being me. I've never regained as much as I lost, I still regain but less each time and at a slower rate too.

My advice is to do a food diary. This means recording the thoughts and feelings around food, whether you've eaten or not. It'll give a picture of when the problem times are, the problem places/emotions/people/foods. Doing that should reveal a pattern then you tackle the biggest first.

For example mine was 30 mins before DD got in from school. I'd go in the bath or call somebody instead. It worked and was simple.

Finding out your own triggers and thinking of ways so you aren't in that situation initially to break the cycle, then gradual exposure to cope with the trigger is what works.

This really isn't about diet at all if things are that bad! That's why people either don't lose the weight or regain it all plus more.

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