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I am just so teary and I feel like shit and I've fell out with DH

(17 Posts)
mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 20:37:05

I have been crying on and off today I don't even know why. Well I do but why I'm crying about it I don't know.

I'm just back from a few days away with the kids for the October week. My mum treated us. Our home is slowing crumbling into a state of disrepair and it's far too small for our family size so we are finding it tough. I asked him to take advantage of the kids not being in the house and doing a couple wee painting jobs. Like putting a plaster on a bullet wound but it would have made the place a bit nicer to live in.

Anyway, I came home from a "holiday" where I had sole responsibility of 3 kids including a bf 8mo. I have an infected toe which is agony. I done all the driving at said holiday. The dcs are tired and cranky.

I am completely done in. I come home and DH is painting. No where near finished. The house is a tip. To be fair I didn't leave it sparkling when I left on Monday but he did say to me not to worry about the state of the house he would tidy it after work on Monday. I had to come in today and scrub the place.

I am so fed up with DH taking no responsibility for anything. I shouldn't have even had to ask him to paint. He never takes any initiative to do anything. Everything we have and everything we do is down to me. I'm exhausted. It's our anniversary tomorrow and his mum came up earlier to drop something off and happened to mention the dcs were staying with her tomorrow night because we were going out for our anniversary. First I've heard of this. I don't even think I can be bothered my head hurts every time I move.

Am I being too hard on him? I can't be bothered with him but I feel like I'm treating him like shit it's not his fault I ducked off on holiday.sad

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 20:47:39

You sound exhausted and ill.

At least he's obviously planned something for your anniversary - that's nice, isn't it? And something he's done off his own bat. Or hers.

Perhaps get yourself an appointment with the doctor and see what you can do to reduce your workload. It's shit tho when the house feels like a weight around you because of all that needs doing flowers.

WingsofNylon Fri 21-Oct-16 20:51:08

Often holidays are very tiring and not at all relaxing. I'm really sorry that you are having a tough time of it. I understand why coming home to a messy house and a half finished job would be a huge disappointment. I would feel let down especially as you say that you usually do everything. I dont have any useful advice though.

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 20:54:29

Can you possibly get a night away on your own?

You sound like you have supportive family - is there any chance you could enlist them to have a bash at brightening up the place one weekend soon? Pay them in pizza and pinot?

mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 20:56:04

I'm trying so hard to get us somewhere else to live and he doesn't do anything he leaves it completely up to me. I literally beg the council to give us what's available but they just keep saying we are not priority. He hasn't once made any attempt to find us somewhere else to live. Nor does he attempt to make the place we have any easier to live in.

Yeah it is but I can't help feel cynical and think that it's just because he wanted a night out. I think that's being a bit harsh though and I'm just being a bitch.

I asked him several times of we were doing anything so I knew if I needed to come home and pump today but I never got an answer. I'm so tired though dd is lucky I've even produced enough milk to feed her let alone any extra.

I just wanted to come home and soak in a bath but I can't cos the bathroom stinks of paint sad

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 21:01:58

Aww pet.

I feel for you. He sounds bloody useless.

mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 21:46:57

He said I'm just jealous because my sisters DH just bought them a massive fancy house and I'm taking it out on him. Well kind of... I know we can't do that, but her DH is buying her a big house and I can't even get mine to paint two walls in ours. I'm just in super bitch mode tonight blush

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 21:55:19

That's not super bitch.

It's not unreasonable to want your partner to think for themselves and to do what needs doing without you prompting or 'nagging'.

It's not unreasonable to expect to come home to a clean, tidy house and to one where he's carried out the painting he said he'd do, when he said he would clean, tidy and paint.

He may be a lazy feckless twat. He might be a selfish arsehole. He might be exhausted and depressed himself. He might be full of good intentions but short on motivation. Or all shades in between. It's irrelevant really - you need some help and support.

Get your toe sorted. Talk to a doctor.
Decide whether he's a fucking millstone and you would be better off without, or not.
And get yourself a night of unbroken sleep away from all demands somehow.

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 21:56:10

Not necessarily in that order.

mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 21:58:46

I feel like telling him to go to his mums along with the kids tomorrow night blush I won't though. I might not even send down if we are still not talking.

Oh yes and I'll be making an appointment for my toe on Monday.

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 21:59:31

FGS take his mum up on the babysitting whatever.

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 22:06:29

Don't fall in to the trap of martyrdom.

Take any and all offers of help. And do send him to his mums with the kids, but make sure you do something that rejuvenates you if you do - so if you feel good through socialising, go get pissed with mates - if you feel good through solitude, read a book in the bath for hours alone til you're wrinkled like a prune. But don't reject this opportunity cos he's after a night out too. Just make sure you get what you need out of it.

mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 22:16:46

Ha true. Yes I will send them down. He's went into bed with ds and fell asleep I'll see how the mood is in the morning.

category12 Fri 21-Oct-16 22:23:55


mayaknew Fri 21-Oct-16 22:54:44

Thanks for listening to me tonight I've needed someone talk sense into

BlueFolly Sat 22-Oct-16 00:48:21

You DP say he does nothing and leaves everything up to you, but he has sorted out childcare and a night out for your anniversary.

TheNaze73 Sat 22-Oct-16 07:56:46

So he sorts out childcare, sorts out the anniversary & yet because he can't afford the big house, you're taking it out on him? Why is it down to him to provide this for you?

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