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Please help me get practical!

(3 Posts)
ErnieAndBernie Fri 21-Oct-16 08:17:53

My H is financially abusive and occasionally EA. He is a workaholic and a bit of a control freak in certain areas of his life.
If I was back in the UK I would have left by now and taken the dc with me. But I'm not. I'm in Europe for his work. We came 2.5 years ago and my aim is to get him to agree to me and the kids coming back in the summer for good (he's suggested this previously, hinting he may stay here to work. At the time I thought heading back before getting a separation sorted would be a stupid thing to do but now I think getting back to the UK is probably my priority to work on and all else can happen afterwards). There is a good chance that he will agree with all this and pay for this to happen (I cannot pay as have no money). BUT just in case he doesn't, what practical steps can I take to get things quietly together at my end?
We have a local for sale fb site and I am quietly trying to sell off stuff the dc no longer use like clothing bundles, books, slings, toys etc. But this isn't going to amount to a huge amount. I work freelance but it leaves me with very very little at the end as I am paying off overdrafts etc (he has said he will help me pay these as quite frankly they are due to his FA but it is yet to happen).
I'm after practical advice here. Anything that can be suggested would be gratefully taken on board.

ErnieAndBernie Fri 21-Oct-16 08:19:46

For what it is worth I am still struggling to accept that he is actually the person he is not the person I thought he was. It's like opening a door that looked fairly normal and pandoras box being on the other side.

pallasathena Fri 21-Oct-16 09:05:44

Can you find some temporary employment to help with the finances? If that isn't possible then you need to stick with plan A and get him to finance your trip home in the summer. If you have a property back home and its rented out, then you need to give sufficient legal notice to your tenants. If there's no property, you are going to need to raise the deposit on a rental plus fees in an area with good schooling.
Its all money money to begin with but you can't do anything without it unfortunately. I'd focus on the financial practicalities first, then the housing/schooling practicalities and then, update your cv and start job hunting.
Good luck! Its hugely liberating getting out of a toxic marriage and I speak from experience here - but you must must must get all your ducks in a very straight row to maximise your future success and the future of your precious children.

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