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How do I move on?

(10 Posts)
Crazycat1980 Thu 20-Oct-16 18:01:37

Hello - I am after a bit of advice about how to accept my relationship is over and move on. Long story short - I am 37, no kids. I met a lovely (?) man last May. We were together for 15 months. I totally fell in love with him. I knew from the start he had come out of a tricky relationship 5 months before we met and had been hurt. We agreed to take things slowly. Fast forward to this Summer and things seemed great. We went on a lovely holiday together, he came away with my family and I, I went to his mum's birthday celebration, he took me out to a Michelin restaurant for my birthday. I was so so happy. A few weeks later I decided to bring up talk of the future. It totally freaked him out and within two weeks it was all over. This was about a month ago now and I just cannot move on and accept it is over. I want him back so so much, I felt such a connection to him. I don't understand how he has thrown what we he away after such an amazing summer. Help!

Threepineapples Thu 20-Oct-16 19:56:54

Sorry to hear that Crazycat. What did he say when he ended things? Did he give you a proper reason?

I had a similar experience although it was a shorter relationship, and it hurts very much.

Crazycat1980 Fri 21-Oct-16 07:33:03

Thanks for your reply.
He gave no real explanation other than he wasn't sure if he wanted a future with me. I don't get it after the way he acted over the summer, I thought we were so happy.

TheNaze73 Fri 21-Oct-16 08:49:57

It's really sad when that happens. You shouldn't have to tip toe in a relationship about at least talking about the future, however from his point of view, it sounds like it was something he'd buried & talking to him about it freaked him out. I ended an 18 month relationship for a similar reason once. Enjoying dating & having a laugh was what we were doing however, they wanted more. Maybe he ended it like I did, as you were on different pages. Going to parties & Michelin restaurants doesn't necessarily mean, he's in love. Could be that he was just happy in your company, on the basis of what you had.
It's shit though, you can't pretend it's anything else but, I hope every day gets a little easier flowers

QuiltedAloeVera Fri 21-Oct-16 08:59:42

If it was a month ago you've washed all the sheets and towels.

Go round your living space and collect everything in it that reminds you of him. Bin all of it.

Have a proper spring clean.

Sit down with your diary and your address book and make plans to see as many of your friends and family as you possibly can. Aim to be doing something 5 nights out of 7 for the next 3 weeks, even if it's 'cup of tea at Claire's house'. Google free events near you and go to them.

Buy a new eyeliner or lipstick or top or whatever, and wear it.

Do not get a tattoo or a radical new haircut.

Buy yourself a bunch of real flowers. Breakups are shit.

Oysterbabe Fri 21-Oct-16 09:02:56

It's a cliché but time is a great healer. flowers

As a pp poster said, you shouldn't have to tiptoe around talking about what you want in the future. With my now husband on our first date we talked about wanting to get married and have children in the future. At 32 I didn't want to waste any time falling for someone who was on a different page.
I'm not suggesting the first date would be right for everyone, but I think mentioning early on what you're looking for is a good thing.

Crazycat1980 Fri 21-Oct-16 09:56:59

Thanks people - great advice.
Hard to accept but I really do need to move on x

Crazycat1980 Fri 21-Oct-16 11:06:58

PS He did used to say he loved me but maybe in a different way.
Thanks again x

Anonymoususer1938 Fri 21-Oct-16 11:55:52

I've posted about a relationship I've been in that keeps breaking up. I'm not sure I'm best placed to advise but what I would say is don't chase him. If he comes round and decides he wants to be with you he knows how to reach you. What you describe with regards to talking about your future together, especially after your holiday etc, was perfectly reasonable.
Don't wait for him
Do not chase
Do not make excuses for him
Do not apologise to him.
He may have panicked but give it time. If he decides he wants to be with you he will return. Then it's up to you if you take him back. If you do and he pulls the same stunt again make it a permanent break.

Crazycat1980 Fri 21-Oct-16 12:46:16

Thank you - suck good advice. I constantly find myself wanting to contact him or beg for him back or go to his house but I know deep down that he knows I didn't want the relationship to end so if he does want me he will come. Only problem with that is constantly thinking "Maybe he will come to his sense..."
I HAVE TO accept it is over it is just so hard as I love him more than anyone before.

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