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I don't trust dh over his reason for being away for a night. I'm not sure if its my depression or if I should be suspicious

(55 Posts)
Woodenmouse Thu 20-Oct-16 13:06:19

2 days ago Dh had a phone interview for a really good job. After the interview he said he had been offered a trial and they wanted him to stay over and he would come home the following morning. He's a chef so he would be working in the evening and the job is at a hotel but it seems odd that they want him to stay. He's said they are insistent (hinted that if he didn't then he wouldn't get the job).
Inhad pnd after ds1 was born and infound out he was chatting to a girl from work, in one message he sent he said he regretted marrying and was only staying because of Ds. He says nothing happend but he deleted all the messages so i never saw tgem, i only saw the one so i dont know what else was said etc. I now have pnd after ds2s birth and im worried its starting all over again (with someone different). He also slipped up and mentioned being at the pub the other day when I thought he was working late, he said he had gone with a guy from work and was then giving the guy a lift butnhendodnt sound convincing and when unmentioned it a few days later a couple of facts changed.
Am I bring overly suspicious or is something going on.

BabyGanoush Thu 20-Oct-16 13:10:08

are you happy together now?

12purpleapples Thu 20-Oct-16 13:10:09

It does sound a bit odd, esp given past behaviour and the pub thing - is the hotel a long way away? Would that be a usual thing to happen in his industry.

Woodenmouse Thu 20-Oct-16 13:24:46

The hotel is 40 mins drive but he would have to make that journey every day if he got the job. He's making out the manager wants him to stay but he's not keen, he's only doing it to keep them happy.

Our relationship is ok. I know I've been a bit moody recently but I'm waiting for a mh appointment and I'm trying to fix things. Dh is trying to help me but being a bit rubbish about it (I'll say I think xyz might help, he'll say yes and then the next day has completely forgotten what I said).

guinnessgirl Thu 20-Oct-16 14:00:27

I'm so sorry OP, but there are big flashing red lights and sirens going off in my head when I read your post. I think your instincts are spot on and it sounds like he is either having an affair or on the brink of one. The hotel story sounds very flimsy and it's already evident that he's lied to you at least once. I'm so sorry and I hope others will be along to hold your hand and advise.

Muser54321 Thu 20-Oct-16 14:03:20

Casually ask ''what's the name of the chef?'' and then find out if they're recruiting.

Muser54321 Thu 20-Oct-16 14:04:06

Or, ring up the hotel and say ''I hear you're looking for a chef, is that correct? I wanted to send in my CV"

Maudlinmaud Thu 20-Oct-16 14:04:29

The message about regretting being married would be the end for me.

TheNaze73 Thu 20-Oct-16 14:23:25

Think you're worrying about something that isn't there

Ginmakesitallok Thu 20-Oct-16 14:26:15

You either trust him or you don't. If I was in his position and found out that you had called the hotel I would be livid! I don't think it sounds that odd.

Woodenmouse Thu 20-Oct-16 14:28:41

I know he had the phone interview because he was at home at the time and I heard parts of the conversation. It wasn't until the next day he said about staying over.
I just txt to ask why he had to stay as it will be the day before ds birthday so it's not ideal. Now he's saying that he doesn't know if he has to stay, he'll try and get out of it to be there for ds in the morning. He couldn't give me an answer as to why he needs to stay.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Thu 20-Oct-16 14:35:19

I'd be massively suspicious as well, especially in light of the recent lying about working late when he wasn't. Interviewing someone and then wanting them to stay overnight in the hotel afterwards??? What the fuck for? That's ridiculous. He must think you're thick as mince.

Nabootique Thu 20-Oct-16 16:09:11

How far away is it? If it's a late finish for a trial and he might not even get the job, I suppose this could be a gesture from the hotel he might be hired by. Not a huge leap. It doesn't really cost them anything to give him a room for the night.

ByeByeLilSebastian Thu 20-Oct-16 16:12:32

Does sound a bit off doesn't it. I think I'd be very annoying and ask lots of details about the hotel, why the manager is insisting he stops etc.

Either that or make up a situation where you would HAVE to leave the house early the next morning without the children and could he stay at home instead to be there.

Lorelei76 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:13:10

40 mins isn't a journey they'd offer a room for. Someone has to prep the room before and after. Sorry OP.

Dozer Thu 20-Oct-16 16:15:53

Sounds like you should've LTB the first time.

You don't have full information about the affair you know about and understandably don't now trust him.

His story sounds like bullshit too.

RosieSW Thu 20-Oct-16 16:17:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Thu 20-Oct-16 16:19:09

Of course it does! That's a room they could charge full price for a paying guest, £150 or so, then on top of that cleaning the room, changing the sheets, breakfast etc, for what? They want a trial, then they want the person to fuck off so they can all tidy up and go home. No reason at all to "insist" he stays. Maybe if he was Paul Hollywood or something and they were the Hilton trying everything to tempt him to work there, they might invite him, or if someone had explained to them they live a few hours away and would have to relocate to work there. But this guy lives 40 minutes away. His story makes no sense, and the smell of bullshit is especially strong after he's known to have lied just recently about having to be somewhere for work when he wasn't, not to mention his previous lack of commitment to the relationship. Also the fact that the overnight stay didn't get mentioned straight after the phonecall - which you'd think would be the first thing to come up, it wasn't thought up mentioned until 24 hours later. Bull. Shit.

rainbowstardrops Thu 20-Oct-16 16:21:39

Mmm I'd be suspicious too. The whole previous 'thing' together saying he regrets getting married is bad enough. Not telling you about the overnight stay until the morning after the phone interview is odd too.
I'd be on high alert personally

ICuntSeeYourPoint Thu 20-Oct-16 16:23:21

Sorry, the "of course it does" was in response to the suggestion that giving him a room for the night instead of a paying customer wouldn't cost anything!

purplefox Thu 20-Oct-16 16:24:20

It makes no financial sense for a hotel to make everyone they're trialling for a position stay in the hotel free of charge. It's also pretty ridiculous that not staying in the hotel would be a reason for rejecting someone's job application if they were otherwise perfect for the role.

Doesntfitthemould Thu 20-Oct-16 18:17:11

My husband is a chef and i have been in hospitality. It is common for a chef to stay at a hotel, quite often i have gone along too for the stay. This is to get a feel for the place etc.i wouldbt be concerend at all.

angryangryyoungwoman Thu 20-Oct-16 18:20:12

It is possible that they are offering the room, but impossible that they are insisting on it.....

Doesntfitthemould Thu 20-Oct-16 18:22:49

Sorry i cant type on this new phone. I wanted to ask, what level is he at?

Woodenmouse Thu 20-Oct-16 19:45:45

Thanks everyone. mould it's aparently a head chef position. It'll be his first head chef job.
This afternoon I pushed him about him staying and he then said he doesn't have to stay, that the manager was confused and thought dh lived further away. So now he says he'll be home that night. He seemed a bit down about it but that could be my imagination

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