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Anyone else married to a man but in love with a woman

(18 Posts)
MrsThreesACrowd Thu 20-Oct-16 09:26:31

Just that really, it's driving me insane. I do love my husband and I've never so much as looked at a woman before but I am hopelessly I'm in love with her and I don't know how to deal with it.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

Captainladder Thu 20-Oct-16 09:31:28

Why is it different to being hopelessly in love with another man? If you do love your husband then possibly you should stay away from the woman.... How would he feel if he found out?

MrsThreesACrowd Thu 20-Oct-16 09:34:13

It's not different at all, the only difference is it's a total shock to me that it's a woman. I told him and he is not happy at all, this was months ago, I've been making a go of my marriage since then but I can't get her out of my head.

Captainladder Thu 20-Oct-16 09:41:16

How does she feel about you? i used to think that being in a relationship with a woman would be easier, but then I did have one and it wasn't! (Now married to a man by the way.) I personally tend to fall in love with personalities and not bodies if you see what I mean, though there is to be a physical attraction too. I think if you want to give your marriage a proper go then you need to get her out of your life if that's possible.

MrsThreesACrowd Thu 20-Oct-16 09:53:28

She likes me a lot from what I can tell, We had a brief sexual relationship (which was amazing) but she is wracked with guilt because I'm married. I haven't seen her for a couple of months but we text and chat often.

Crystal15 Thu 20-Oct-16 10:12:29

Why are you texting and chatting. So you've Cheated on your DH and still on contact? If your happy with your DH then cut her out your life. She's just a form of excitement, if you left your husband to chase excitement you will be chasing rainbows forever. She would soon become the norm, excitement is based on uncertainty and lust only. Couples in there 70s who are still in love may still find eachother attractive but they have real love, not infatuation or limerance. You sound very immature.

MrsThreesACrowd Thu 20-Oct-16 10:19:14

I'm acting very immature Crystal I admit that. I am usually a reasonably sensible adult. I'm still in contact with her as we are 'friends' I know that going NC is the only way to put a stop to all this but I can't bring myself to do it. Thanks for the honest replies.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 20-Oct-16 10:44:37

You need to choose, now. You should have done a long time ago. You're not making an attempt at your marriage if you're still talking to her, you're taking your husband for a mug. Either cut her off completely or leave your husband.

Waltermittythesequel Thu 20-Oct-16 10:49:55

You're not being immature. You're cheating on your husband. That's being disrespectful and nasty. Not immature.

MrsThreesACrowd Thu 20-Oct-16 11:54:02

I know I am being all these things, if I had fell this hard for a man I would have immediately recognised what was happening and put a stop to it or ended my marriage and gone from there. The woman thing threw me a little, I knew I had feelings but put them down to a close friendship and nothing more. Then it turned into more than that, then we put the breaks on (way too late I know). Then I told DH and tried to make things better but now we are back in contact and the feelings are still there, stronger of anything and now I'm questioning my sexuality, my marriage and my whole life basically.

What a mess. Thanks for being straight with me tho everyone. It's what I need to hear.

Waltermittythesequel Thu 20-Oct-16 12:21:58

Then you need to end your marriage. Or end your affair.

You get no extra points for only recognising it after you've shagged her.

Your husband doesn't deserve this.

You're back in contact? So you ceased contact? And had so little respect for your husband that you started it again?

You can question your life choices any time you want. You can leave a marriage any time you want. What you can't do, because it is morally reprehensible, is stay in a marriage while you try to figure this all out.

So you're attracted to a woman. So what? It doesn't negate your vows. It's not harder to stay faithful because you're bisexual, contrary to what you might have told yourself.

Crystal15 Fri 21-Oct-16 15:13:19

Walter I never said cheating was immature, I said chasing limerance like a love sick puppy and believing it's love is immature. It's what teenagers do

Waltermittythesequel Fri 21-Oct-16 15:19:06

Sorry, Crystal, I was referring to the OP.

I feel like she jumped on that instead of just admitting how bad her behaviour was IYSWIM.

Cary2012 Fri 21-Oct-16 19:30:33

Did you have a similar thread a few months ago OP? Apologies if not you.

SecretPrivateThings Fri 21-Oct-16 21:21:41

Hi OP, I'm in a slightly similar position, except nothing has and ever will happen with the woman I am attracted to (I'm not putting 'in love' as I don't think I am really and refuse to go there even if I am).

It's a bit different as I have purposefully withdrawn almost completely from this woman (we work together) and we were only ever friends. DH doesn't know. What has helped me is to cut contact almost completely and listen to advice I read on here and focus on my marriage, which has improved.

Never, ever looked at a woman before and have found it all a bit of a head fuck.

SecretPrivateThings Fri 21-Oct-16 21:23:08

Just reread that and it sounded a bit sanctimonious, sorry. I am by no means perfect and feel very guilty for even having the feelings. Wish they would go away but have accepted now that the best thing for everyone is if I see her as little as possible.

1Forest1 Fri 21-Oct-16 23:45:35

Yes. It's horrible. I wish I could tell her but I'm a complete coward, I can see her on Facebook right now because I know she's working late and I just want to message and say, I'm completely besotted by you, you have no idea how beautiful you are. But I can't.


SecretPrivateThings Sat 22-Oct-16 08:24:30

Forest, I'm in a better place than I was, partly due to hiding her from my Facebook. I will never have her and looking at her page constantly was just torturing myself flowers. I still think about her a lot but much less than I did.

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