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Split abusive ex/ unsupportive mother

(11 Posts)
floralmama Wed 19-Oct-16 14:14:10

God where do I begin. This week has been hell!!

Finally split with my emotionally abusive OH. He's still trying to worm his way back in and tried gaslighting me but I'm not falling for it this time.
Last night my LB was rushed into hospital. Had a reaction to his jabs and has a viral infection. Was all very scary. I managed to keep it together last night for my LB but now I'm crumbling. We are back home and he's on the mend but I just keep thinking about how poorly he was!
It's my mums birthday tomorrow and I asked her 2 weeks ago what she would like as she's fussy. Been asking since. She replies she didn't know every time. I asked her a moment ago and she went off on one saying it's her birthday tomorrow. I said I knew and that I've had a lot going on with my LB and Ex and it weren't like I weren't going to get her anything but I'd rather get something she wanted. She then went off on one at me saying how I haven't asked how she is and she feels rubbish (she has a cold). Saying I'm not the only one feeling rubbish!
I've been referred to a GP for PND which she knows about, I've tried explaining about the emotional abuse but she just doesn't get it and think I should stick up for my self and she would never let anyone treat her like that.
Sorry for the long post I just feel so so alone atm with no one else to turn to. Do anyone else think my mum is being childish and a bit unsupportive. I don't think it's normal behaviour to have a go at your child when they are almost at rock bottom.

Yourarejokingme Wed 19-Oct-16 16:10:18

First off glad your little one is on the mend now that must of been so scary for you both.

Ok you made inroads to leaving the abusive twat of a husband. Have you phoned woman's aid. Do you have any RL support st all. Also any correspond do through email so you can't go of on one st you

Has your mother always been like this because this is abusive as well. I would say well if you can't decide I'll buy you a card and that's that do not engage in any of her drama

If she goes on and on hang the phone up with sorry my sons calling me. Mine as I'd had a enough was
" bye mother I'm being selfish now of to cuddle the kids"
I did it every time she bitched about anything or things didn't go her way,

Yourarejokingme Wed 19-Oct-16 16:11:23

Bloody iPad and spelling sorry

hellsbellsmelons Wed 19-Oct-16 16:21:49

I think we know the reason you have chosen an abusive partner!
Your mother!
Right now you really don't need this.
Go and get her some vouchers for a shop she likes and a card and leave it at that.
Your Ex was gaslighting you and so is your mother.
This is where you learnt your 'normal' from.
Please do contact Womens Aid if they aren't already supporting you.
Get onto their Freedom Programme.
It will help you handle abusers, so your Ex and your DM!
I'm glad your LO is OK and I hope you can get the PND sorted out quickly.
Don't add stress to your life right now though.
Ignore your DM if you need to.

user1475501383 Wed 19-Oct-16 16:34:58

agree with hellsbellsmelons. not a million miles from my DM and DF's first reactions to me separating from gaslighting XH. They did come round to my point of view a few weeks later, but in some ways they still don't get it, and probably never will.

I do hope you find the right support and well done for having the courage within yourself to call it quits. Took me ages, not helped by the fact that DF once echoed my XH by saying 'if you two ever break up XH will find a better new partner but you won't.' I'm lucky in that currently they have been proven wrong as I have a fabulous, kind new DP.

floralmama Wed 19-Oct-16 16:40:23

Thanks areyou and hellsbells he's on the mend now thankfully!

I've called women's aid and confirmed it was abuse from OH as I weren't sure. They gave me a little advice but not great deals. I may ring back again.

Erm I guess my mum has been on and off. She has a lot of mood swings due to hormones. Always has. She has been a bit of a bully in the past and sometimes interfering but I haven't really seen it as abusive. Is that how it seems? If you don't agree with her opinion she does go off on one.

I mean it's not like I forgot her birthday and I was always going to get her something. Just think it seems a bit like a spoilt brat thing. I'll ask about the freedom programme.
I've finally plucked the courage up to go to the docs about the PND.

floralmama Wed 19-Oct-16 17:19:33

User I can't believe your DF said that! Glad you've proved them wrong.

My dad stays out of most of it. It's my mum who makes her opinions known. She did saying to me are you sure you want to leave and making me doubt myself. I also explain he doesn't need a reason to be nasty so really doesn't get it as her and my dad have a great marriage

BantyCustards Wed 19-Oct-16 17:26:54

Your mum is incredibly self involved and is probably the reason you chose an EA partner.

Mysecretgarden Wed 19-Oct-16 17:37:54

If you are searching for your mum's support and approval it looks like sadly you will never get it.
She is a self involved narcissist, interesting to google.
Check the freedom programme, it may help you on your way to recovery.

floralmama Wed 19-Oct-16 21:13:25

I still haven't heard from my mum. Ok thank you I'll have a look

floralmama Thu 20-Oct-16 13:52:05

My mum has apologised but I told my sister yesterday we had fallen out but didn't really go into detail. My sister replied saying my mum told her that no on asks how she is and that she is annoyed that when I'm at my mums I could help out more!! For example I was at my mums the other day and she went to bed as she felt ill. The dog had wee'd on the floor and she was annoyed I didn't clear it up! My sister was there at the time and as I had my son asleep on me I thought my sis could do it. My sister also said I think you go around a lot and the small things are annoying her. My parents have made comments about my sister being jealous before and I just see this as stirring on my sisters behalf. They both have clearly been bitching about me, even though I've had the worst week ever!!

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