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Can you be truly happy without friends?

(9 Posts)
Boomerwang Wed 19-Oct-16 07:09:17

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Friends and acquaintances come and go but for the most part I am alone with just my young daughter. Nobody pops round and I don't visit anyone. I think I must be hard to be friends with. I do feel the yearning for a good long chat about something other than day to day things like the weather and what's in the news. Am i right in thinking that the days are longer and life is far more tedious without friends to share with? Or is anyone actually happy to be friendless?

leaveittothediva Wed 19-Oct-16 09:16:43

Yes, I think you can be happy without friends, If that's what you want. But I think you'd prefer someone to have a coffee and a chat with. I think social media is your best bet, meet other mothers with young children in your area. You have got to get out of the house. Mother and toddler groups. It can be very isolating with a young child, you'd be surprised the amount of things on offer for young parents to be involved in, just look for groups to interact in. But get yourself out there. Hope this helps a little. If you don't find one group friendly, move to another.

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 19-Oct-16 09:43:36

I don't think so.

Humans are social animals. We get depressed without a sense of social belonging (that's why solitary confinement e.g. is such a massive and controversial form of punishment).

Reach out to people, OP. It takes time and repeated effort on your part for invites to start to be reciprocated. But I hate to think of you isolating yourself. That will not be good for your health and happiness.

LiveLifeWithPassion Wed 19-Oct-16 09:46:24

Maybe some people are but it doesn't sound you are op.

How old is your dd?

Boomerwang Thu 20-Oct-16 09:23:01

My dd is 4. I am always out of the house. I don't like to be cooped up inside with nothing to do. I recently finished a summer job and I'm looking for another right away. I'm currently checking stores for Christmas jobs and pestering a local lettings agency for cleaning work or environmental work. I have even gone so far as to buy my own outdoor brush, trowel set, moss scraper, bucket and dustpan and brush set and gone out and cleaned up the glass on the street, remove weeds and leaves and dump them in their own dumping yard with their permission, but it's just a hobby at the moment. I live in a flat so I can't tidy a garden or whatever.

When my daughter was younger I went to toddler and baby groups, but it doesn't seem that popular here. I went to three different ones. I was chatty as everybody is interested in the foreigner, but I didn't make lasting relationships.

A couple of years ago at the job centre my handler (dunno what word to use?) liked me so much she added me on facebook and came round for a coffee. We chatted and as she left she said 'I really like you and want to continue seeing you' which I found a bit odd to be honest. I contacted her again and invited her for coffee but she was busy and that was the last I ever heard from her. This is why I wonder what it is about me that turns people off?

I had a really close friend but we broke contact because of her strange behaviour. The last I heard of her she was arrested at an airport for being drunk and disorderly. Seems she's not doing so well.

I take my daughter to a sports hall once a week. Other parents are there. We can pass a few words with each other but nothing more comes of it.

I wonder if it's a Swedish thing? I can speak Swedish to a decent degree, but Swedes are notorious for being a bit shy. I'm not, and I smile at people I pass in the street, I stop and coo over babies and talk to their proud mothers and I keep myself as approachable as possible.

Even when I lived in England I lost contact with all my closest friends after leaving college. I wonder if I should have invited myself over more often?

Seems to me I'm having a conversation with myself here but writing it down. I apologise if I'm being a sad moo. Maybe THAT is my problem.

WalterWhitesNipple Thu 20-Oct-16 09:28:50

Op have you considered volunteering? You seem like a very thoughtful person who likes to keep busy so I think this would suit you well! Maybe a local charity shop? Looks good on your cv and It's a great way to socialise and meet new people aswell.

Ilikegin Thu 20-Oct-16 09:33:27

I feel a bit similar OP, I think I'm friendly and outgoing but always seem to go from one friendship group to another and am always on the outside of the group, I thought I had a couple of closer friends but I've recently had a baby and one met me for a quick coffee and gave us a card (no gift) and the others haven't even bothered with a card let alone a visit. So I'm feeling very sorry for myself at the moment, but will do what I always do and keep trying with people. It sounds like you are doing the same!
So in answer to your question I think you can cope without friends but it's much nicer with them.

AnthonyPandy Thu 20-Oct-16 09:36:52

So you are English but live in Sweden? Is your child's father or family around? It may be a cultural thing then, there are some swedish people on here I think, they might be able to tell you more???

Boomerwang Mon 24-Oct-16 14:16:59

Hi again. Walter I have in fact considered volunteering. In my tiny town there are only two places accepting volunteers. One is a cat home the other is a senior day centre. One of them requires that I can converse fluently in Swedish with people who are unlikely to know much English, the other isn't. I sent an email to the people who run the cats home offering my time for cleaning and feeding them. They were interested and asked me to visit on their one and only opening time: Sunday evening at 6pm. For one reason or another I've never been able to make that time and my excitement for the project has waned.

In fact, my enthusiasm for anything has waned. It's been three weeks since my job ended and I've put on weight, not done any work outside and started to generally go downhill. This happens every single time I lose a job, which is often since all I've managed to get the whole time I've lived here is temporary work covering the summer holidays or sick leave.

I will get there again because I refuse to flop about over the winter period just because it's easy.

My ex lives just a couple of streets away, and his family too. We are in regular contact and visit his parents often. It's kind of different with family because despite their support and welcoming nature, you can't really have a proper natter with them the way you could with a close friend, can you?

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