Feeling broken

[Lily15]

I know I'm not the first, nor will be the last. Found out tonight my husband is fucking his receptionist. I feel so sad. And sick. And raw from crying. I just want to sleep. I don't even want to spill the details- I just want someone to hold my hand

[beesandknees]

Hand held.

I'm so sorry.

[beesandknees]

If you need to say anything, I can listen. Different time zone so you're not putting me out.

[Lily15]

That's very sweet of you. I just really want to sleep but can't. I feel so sick.

[beesandknees]

Can you lie in the bath? It may bring the stress hormones down a bit.

Something that gets me through (am also a nausea-and-no-sleep person when under extreme stress) is an over the counter sleep aid. Any chance of a 24 hour pharmacy nearby?

[Lily15]

I can't leave the DC but the bath is a great idea. i need to be up in 4 hours for work. Tomorrow is going to suck isn't it.

[beesandknees]

It's going to be horrible but it's one day and you're not always going to feel this way. You're going to recover. This feeling is temporary.

If you can chuck a sicky I would. As long as he's not in the house, mind.

[beesandknees]

Sweet milky tea and warm bath is a good combination. Your body is at risk of shock so be gentle with yourself. You deserve care and love at a time like this - even if only you can give it to yourself. Xx I'm hanging around if you want to talk.

[DayToDayGlobalShit]

So sorry to read this. I would call in sick for the next couple of day and just rest

[Strawberry90]

Take day off work sick and treat yourself and get head round. I'm so sorry. Men can be dicks sometimes.

[CrazyDuchess]

no useful advice but here to listen

[devondream]

Reporting for hand holding duty.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

I have walked in your shoes and can only say that things will get better. Admittedly they will probably get worse first but they will get better and you will go onto find happiness again.

If your husband is remorseful, ready to be honest and willing to help you heal and rebuild your trust then you may be able to find that happiness again with him.

If he is not ready to do all that you will somehow find a way to move forward and find happiness again without him.

Also remember you do not need to make any decisions or choices now.

My best advice to you would be to try to get some ducks in a row - just in case you decide that this is the end of your marriage. I would also do all this before confronting him.

If you have proof of his affair (screen shots /emails) make electronic copies and send them to a secure new email account.

Put all important documents in a safe place (I locked mine in my desk at work). Examples are birth certificates, passports, copies of salary slips, bank statements, tax returns etc. Take a copy of all current bank balances.

I also opened another bank account and moved 50% of all funds there. So many guys drain bank accounts and leave women in a dangerous financial situation.

Find out who the hottest sharkiest divorce lawyers are in town. Make appointments with the top 3 and see them for advice. This prevents your husband using any of them in the future - and limits his choices.

By taking these steps it does not mean you will divorce but takes back some control for you. It also means that if you do decide to divorce you are in a strong starting position.

If you decide you want to reconcile he really needs to show remorse and empathy for the pain he has caused you. Regret he has been caught is not enough. He will need to show you through his actions that he is willing to put in the hard work.

Also however much you want him don't make this easy for him. Don't let him have his cake and eat it too.

If he thinks he can remain living with you and carry on the affair show him this will not happen. Stop cooking for him. Stop doing his washing. Let him see how his life will be without you.

A lot of the thrill of an affair is the secrecy. Shine a light in it and it soon loses its appeal. If the ow has a partner - please find a way to inform him.

This happened to me. I ended our marriage. It was rough and tough but I now have a loving happy relationship with the kindest most respectful guy you could wish to meet.
My exes affair turned out to be an incredible life changing event.

I hope that you too can find your way back to happiness.

[Lily15]

Thank you for your comments they mean alot. Slept for an hour but just couldn't properly with my head everywhere. Just getting up for work and getting kids to school. He was silly enough to have his phone in his pocket and it called me. So I heard the whole thing. Them fucking whilst my world imploded.He tried to deny it at first but once he realised he stopped. We talked but I didn't get all the answers I need.Think I'm still in shock.

[rockabillyruby82]

Jeez, that's awful! Another person here for support. Been there myself. Take each day as it comes. I'm a big advocate for writing things down, how you feel but also anything you want to say to him. Look after yourself and your DC

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh op what a horrible horrible shock

I am sending you some positive vibes through the screen to get through today. That's all you have to do today. Get through it

Chances are that you will never get all the answers you need so try not to get too hung up on that. You know enough

[Strawberry90]

That's a shitty way to find out. And then he still kept lying to you. Giving you strength to get through day. Be kind to yourself.

[devondream]

Ouch.... that is a truly terrible way to find out. I am so sorry.

It is really important to get answers. Indeed I think without full and complete disclosure it is hard or impossible to have a healthy future together.

He may try to minimize things and say it was just the once.

It is good however if you can explain that you need full disclosure and to have your questions answered.

I hope he can give you this.

Keep posting when and if you need to.

[MidsummersNight]

That's awful.
I always feel so sad for people when I read threads like these. Can't even imagine how awful you feel.

Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through this

[BitOutOfPractice]

How are you op?

[ProseccoBitch]

Oh Lily I'm so very sorry. I've been there too and there's never a good way to find out but the way you did is just awful. I feel so sad for you, just try to get through today for now

[Lily15]

Felt good to go to work (only half days) but by half way through the morning the no sleep caught up with me. He's told me they've had sex twice. I don't know if I believe him. It hurts more to know hat he went back a second time..knowing what he was risking..and I truly believe if i hadn't found out it would have gone on. He says she paid him attention. She's 12 years his junior. It hurts that he did this weeks afer telling she was nothing to worry about.

[Mysecretgarden]

don't want to read and run. So hurtful.

[SnowBodyforrrrm]

I've been here quite recently too. I can't offer much advice as I'm still trying to work out how we go from here. But we have had a session with a counsellor at relate and are going to continue to go weekly and see how it goes. My OH had to leave the day I found out about his one night stand. He's not been allowed back as yet and we are a month down the line. The one thing that month apart has shown me, is that I can cope without him, and it's not as scary as I'd imagined it would be.

I'm taking time to consider all the options and think it's a good idea to do the same. Sending you lots of love and strength.