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Anyone experience with 'Leave to remove', relationship over. Desperate.

(16 Posts)
IsFeidirLiom Tue 18-Oct-16 19:26:34

Changed name for this.

I want to leave my P with whom I've two children (1 and almost 3) and go back to Ireland. I had our dd as a single person, in Ireland, and subsequently we tried to be a couple. He always lived in England. I relocated and moved here. My work transferred me to the London office. I threw everything into it but it's not worked. I found I was pregnant 4 months later and also found out he was using prostitutes the whole (short) time we were together (and the time before we got together).

For whatever reason, being overwhelmed, scared of losing my job as they pulled strings to move me with the support of a senior partner who then left, an awful pregnancy - i stayed. I believed him when he said he wanted to straighten himself out.

Of course, I found out he was still using prostitutes the week before I had my ds. I cannot articulate the trap and isolation I felt.

Ds is now 1, and I am mentally strong enough to leave and I am leaving him. He has worn me down but now I want to go. I'm ready.

Has anyone experience of seeking leave to remove from the courts? He is opposing my return to Ireland where family, work and friends will support me as a mother of two. Work actually suggested my move back from a business perspective. Here, I have nobody, his family are estranged from him, and we live in the country where I commute two days a week to London and work from home the rest. I've no network here.

I've been to one solicitor, and seeing another on Friday to get an idea of realistic costs.

Not sure why I'm posting. For support. For love. For advice. For help.

ImperialBlether Tue 18-Oct-16 19:32:15

I don't blame you at all. It's hard to think that the courts would deny you that right. If he wants to be close to his children, he could move to live near you over there.

wejammin Tue 18-Oct-16 19:37:57

Hi, I'm a family solicitor, Irish law may be different to English but in my experience leave to remove applications in these circumstances are usually granted, as long as you can demonstrate your reasons, have a proper plan for your children's future and a proposal for the children's contact with the non resident parent.

IsFeidirLiom Tue 18-Oct-16 21:03:29

Hi, thanks for your replies.

I'm so nervous of going ahead with it. I would stay here if I could make it work but I don't have enough support. I really wanted us to work it out and for him to have a chance to click with his son, that was part of my logic in giving it a chance for however long we could manage it.

But he's getting very nasty now and I am so desperate to go. Suddenly I can't organise it quick enough.

I've no experience of using solicitors, don't know how 'specialised' one needs to be for this, or what to expect with fees??

I feel I've a mountain to climb confused

IsFeidirLiom Tue 18-Oct-16 21:09:35

Wejammin I'd be very keen on a plan for him to have plenty of opportunity to spend time with them - it will surely benefit them too - I would park my differences and let him stay once a month or so for a weekend if he wanted to. Because if he was visiting he'd have nowhere to take them? I'm not sure what else I can offer with them so young - they'd be too young to travel over to him and the baby wouldn't be comfortable away from me either.

It all seems so depressing. I want to accommodate him and I hate taking them away as he will hate it and I don't actually want to punish him - I just want to walk away and live a life with this behind me.

wejammin Wed 19-Oct-16 13:45:39

Again I don't know the Irish system but you at least need a Family Law Solicitor, if not a specialist Children Law Solicitor.

Lots of solicitors offer fixed fees nowadays.

You can also draft the initial application yourself and issue it at court then get a solicitor on board at a later date, which could save you a bit, if you feel up to it.

thewideeyedpea Wed 19-Oct-16 13:53:33

I have no advice or experience with this but just wanted to say good luck and that I hope it all works out for you and your dc's flowers

IsFeidirLiom Wed 19-Oct-16 15:04:02

Wejammin I'm in the UK though and our second child was born here so we fall under UK law!

IsFeidirLiom Wed 19-Oct-16 15:06:43

... but thank you smile I'm not sure I'd be up for drafting it myself. I've seen one solicitor and meeting with another. The first was from a top London firm and I'm not sure I need a partner representing me. I need to keep Costs down but without compromising the quality.

He is not talking to me and it's exhausting. I wish he would, we could agree our terms and save ourselves thousands in legal fees.

Ugh

IsFeidirLiom Wed 19-Oct-16 15:07:03

Thewideeyedpea thank you smile

Hidingtonothing Wed 19-Oct-16 15:36:55

I wonder whether Women's Aid would be able to help you with a recommendation for a specialised solicitor OP? I know your case doesn't necessarily involve abuse as such but I'm sure they will have dealt with cases involving leave to remove and may well know to someone who could help. If you struggle to get through in the national number (0808 2000 247) there's an option here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ to search for services for your local area which may be easier to get through to. Best of luck OP, hope it works out for you flowers

Racmactac Wed 19-Oct-16 16:37:47

Hi, on the basic facts that you have put down I think you have a strong chance of success in your application. The key is to consider how contact will work if you are given permission to go, and be clear that you are not going to stop his contact.

Make your application, it's a c100 yourself, it's easy, it's a standard form, where it asks what your application is for, child arrangements order and leave to remove the jurisdiction. You don't need a solicitor to do this for you.

The court will set a first appointment date, before that cafcass will call you on the phone asking for your point of view, they will do the same with him and cafcass will then prepare a safeguarding report.

At the first court hearing you will need to ask permission to set out a detailed plan with your proposals and then cafcass will do a more detailed report.

Before you submit your application you will need to go to mediation.

Costs I would estimate if it goes to final hearing £4-6k

IsFeidirLiom Thu 20-Oct-16 12:07:49

Thank you

Oh the thought of doing it myself is very daunting. My kids are so little and I'm workin full time in a remanding job as it is. I have literally no time for anything and I'm not confident I'd do it right. I looked at the form last night, all 26 pages. I think I'll go with a solicitor to help me through this.

On a personal level wobbling all the time. I know it's a horrible thing for their dad but I am too alone here. He thinks I'm doing it out of spite. I absolutely am not. I'm also heartbroken by the mess of our lives. I want to move on, some days I feel strong other days I feel a wobble in my confidence.

I sometimes think, risk it and rent a house in the village. But if he was in any way flakey at helping I would be utterly screwed. This is the man who a few months ago, when I had a stomach bug for 48 hours, puking and the rest - he wouldn't take the little one off me! I had to keep him and try to manage even though I wanted to curl up and die. I was in the bed with ds about 8 months old trying to not slip off into a vomit induced sleep for two days. So if he's that unhelpful I get the fear of how bad it would be living alone and with him so difficult to deal with.

My family are screaming at me to return home. I from the outside it looks like "enough is enough. Come home now".

Racmactac Thu 20-Oct-16 12:29:38

Don't be deceived by the form it may be 26 pages but actually most of it you don't fill in.

Have a go, I promise it's not that difficult!

It sounds like you need to leave but be warned it could take 6 months so if you need to get out of family home then do it.
Make your own plans for childcare, get back up plans in place and don't rely on him for anything.

IsFeidirLiom Thu 20-Oct-16 13:10:50

Racmactac you may be right! I'd ordinarily not be scared of a form but lately i'm daunted by everything. I have made an appointment with a solicitor in the nearest big town. They only deal in family law and have strong experience of LTR so I'm happy to try them. Part of their structure is I can do parts of the application myself but have them represent me in court, or they can guide me, or they can do it all. They also offer mediation so we can try that and maybe avoid a confrontational court date. She stressed the Statement in support of the application written by me is a huge part of the application.

I'm in our family home as the thought of moving the little kiddies and then moving AGAIN to Ireland is just horrible to me. We all moved only 6 months ago to this house. I can't stand the thought of another move. I have them in full time nursery which is fantastic, they are very happy little campers in there. It was while I was on maternity leave I was ill and he was no use to me whatsoever! My almost 3 year old has lived in 4 homes and I am sick of moving.

anyway, first step is meeting this solicitor in two weeks time.

Here goes!

IsFeidirLiom Thu 20-Oct-16 13:12:04

Thank you for your advice x

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