Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Left abusive ex

(5 Posts)
denimmum Tue 18-Oct-16 16:45:41

I left my emotionally/mentally abusive ex yesterday! I finally told him I knew he had been speaking to other women and lying about where he was ( at another women's)
He claims its innocent and he hasn't cheated. Now I was so sure he had but he's beginning to sound convincing. I know of gaslighting and I think this is what he is doing. I'm trying to be strong and do things on my own but he's wanting to help me and our LB. I don't know what to do. A part of me still loves him even though I have been pretty depressed the last few months mainly because of him. Then my head is telling me to stop talking to him unless it's solely to do with our son. I need reassurance things will be better on the other side, all my confidence I used to have has gone. How did people first cope with getting out of an abusive relationship?

denimmum Tue 18-Oct-16 19:05:42

Does anyone have any advice?

ayeokthen Tue 18-Oct-16 19:11:26

It will get better, I'm 8 years down the line and it's the best move I ever made, for me and for my son.

You're right to limit communication to being about your child, if possible get a go between (family member, friend) if he's using that to manipulate or hurt you more. You've done the right thing, you're free. There will be tough days, but on those days take yourself back to the lowest point he took you to, and remember why you left!
You can do this, you have done it, you are important, you do matter and you are worth being valued, listened to and respected.
Have you spoken to women's aid? They can offer practical advice. It's also worth looking to see if there's a Freedom project in your area, it's for women just like you, who broke free and looking forward. flowers

fc301 Tue 18-Oct-16 19:12:49

Hi denimmum. Sorry to hear that. You sound pretty switched on and clear about your reasons for leaving. It doesn't actually matter what he says. You don't have to convince him of your reasons. You have made your decision and I'm quite sure it wasn't taken lightly. Advance forwards, do what's right for you and your son.
I haven't had an abusive partner but I have had emotional abuse from a parent. It's very pernicious and hard to identify. That you have done and taken positive steps is enormously to your credit xxx

Redhound Tue 18-Oct-16 22:35:37

Well done! It's very tough to start with, I left my violent abusive ex after 15 years together and I nearly went back to him as he was crying and pleading and I still loved him.. but I somehow managed not to and I am so glad I didn't. It's now 3 years on and I am happy, free and have a lovely kind new boyfriend now, though I was equally happy being on my own. Womens Aid is a good suggestion. Please stay strong it will 100% be worth it x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now