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Do you think every relationship needs closure?

(9 Posts)
over89 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:32:58

Just as the title says really.....

Been with my partner a long time but he met me very soon after splitting with his ex, the mother of his son. They hadn't officially sorted everything out, he was still going to her house for tea so he could see his son. Pretty sure they would of been sleeping together still but have no proof of this.

I didn't realise how soon it all was until we were quite far into our relationship.

We now live together and are engaged. I've met his ex and she comes to pick the little boy up every Monday morning while my partner is at work and there's no issues between me and her.

I just worry becomes they are still close, although he will deny it. I can tell in her voice when she speaks to him she still feels a lot for him. I found some old messages on his phone saying how much he wanted her back just days before we went on our first date. I can't help but feel there is something still between them.

He says he's never felt love like it with me, he never wanted to get married until he met me and we are engaged. His ex wanted to get married but he never wanted too.

I just feel like they should of had some sort of closure before he stared seeing other people. If I had known at the start that they had literally just seperated then I wouldn't of gone there.

Do you think every relationship needs closure?

TheNaze73 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:43:26

No. Everyone is different.

Just because you think it, doesn't make it right for them

over89 Tue 18-Oct-16 17:30:33

I'm glad you think this, I'm hoping most people disagree with my post

TheNaze73 Tue 18-Oct-16 17:32:51

Chin up OP, he's with you because he's chosen you. Don't let your own negative thoughts be the thing that splits you up

doji Tue 18-Oct-16 17:58:20

Unless you suspect that he was still chasing after her once you got together, I wouldnt worry about it too much. Most men IME seem to move on by getting a new girlfriend, unfortunately.

Is there a reason this is bothering you now, given you've been together a long time? Sometimes getting engaged can make you realise that actually you're not quite as happy in the relationship as you thought, and you're not 100% sure that you want this to be the rest of your life.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 18-Oct-16 18:01:08

I think the idea of closure is a modern myth. Most awkward situations never result in closure, most of the people involved have the WTF face about it forever more. People are complex.

over89 Tue 18-Oct-16 20:26:40

I think just that they seem more friendly lately, he's taking abit longer than he usually would to drop his son off and she seems to be ringing him all the time.

I'm constantly re assured by him that he has no feelings left for her. I just let my ex take me for a complete and utter mug and he kept cheating and lying. Then we found out my dad was having an affair after 40 years of marriage to my mum. He was the last person I'd ever expect to cheat and it's all left me feeling very insecure. I'm putting it down to this being the reason. Im just expecting them to get back together I suppose. His ex hasn't found anyone else and it's just like she's waiting to get him back

hermione2016 Tue 18-Oct-16 20:36:54

How long have you been together?

There could be mutual respect between them which would be very positive.Does he talk about why they separated? Sometimes if you know the reason it helps as some people can care about each other but are just not compatible.

donners312 Tue 18-Oct-16 20:56:49

TBH i would prefer a man to be on good terms with his ex esp if they have DC. It means he is respectful and decent.

If i met a man and he described his ex disrespectfully and didn't get on with her etc that would worry me more.

why would he get engaged to you if he wanted her (and she wanted him) so unless there is more to this then I would be happy i had got a nice man who is mature and able to have a good relationship with his ex.

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