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Woud you get married a third time?

(37 Posts)
pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 15:07:59

Just want your experiences/thoughts really.

If you screwed up two times before (well one was DV - the other failed to mention a long-term boyfriend as well as our marriage) would you consider it?

My current long-term fella has asked primarily probably because we want to have IVF and a child together. We've lived together long enough to know what bits we hate about each other and what bits we like about each other. Tbh I'm not fussed either way, but it is important to him.

Neither wants a flash wedding, which is good because IVF is damned expensive (and we have to go private).

He also was involved in a severe car accident recently and I think that has changed his outlook somewhat.

HappyGirlNow Tue 18-Oct-16 15:23:44

In your circumstances, as long as you love him and want to spend the rest if your life with him, yes! Why not?

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 15:32:56

I can't think of a reason why not. That's why I asked. In case my sensible head wasn't on.

Tryingmybest4them Tue 18-Oct-16 15:44:48

I have been married twice, divorced the first as he was an arsehole and recently separated from the second, also an arsehole as well as abusive! I have sworn off men for life,.... but if some lovely kind caring man came along who genuinely loved me and my kids I wouldn't say no.
If he makes you happy go for it 💍

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 18-Oct-16 15:49:39

I'm on my third mr cholet and have never been happier.

TheNaze73 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:00:16

I think if it's right for you, then go for it

DiegeticMuch Tue 18-Oct-16 16:31:22

I know a few people who've been married three times. It is fine. And it offers more protection legally than being boyfriend and girlfriend when you have kids together (good luck with the IVF).

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:38:41

Thank you all. I thought I was going to get a barrage.

mrssapphirebright Tue 18-Oct-16 16:52:57

I am on my third marriage (gulp). I am 38. First one lasted 5 months and second 15 years.

I must admit that I feel massive pressure to make this one last, its like its your last ditch attempt.

I actually think my family would write me off as far as relationships are concerned if i ever divorced this one!

MrsHam13 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:57:25

My nana was married three times and divorced them all.First (my grandad) was an alcoholic and became a total waster. Second was abusive. Third was not financially abusive (because she owned her own hairdressers and was quite well off) but wouldnt share finances, was really mean and wouldn't put cash towards any bills. Was pretty strange all in.

She's eighty this year and has been with her partner now for about fifteen years (longest out them all) and happy.

Go for it! It's your life, do what makes you happy and don't think about what anyone else says.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Tue 18-Oct-16 17:04:23

Of course, why not? Marriage offers some legal/financial protection that cohabiting doesn't. Why deny yourself that just because you've been married before, especially if you're having children together.

Katelocks Tue 18-Oct-16 17:07:09

I am currently married and have been married once before. I wouldn't get married again unless I was going to have a baby with my new husband. I'm too old for more children now so am done at 2 marriages.

AnotherEmma Tue 18-Oct-16 17:11:08

In your case it sounds like third time lucky smile
You can have a lovely small ceremony.
Hope he is ok after the car accident, btw?
And good luck with IVF!

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:14:05

mrssapphirebright I am your age, and I have to say it I do feel the same as you with regard to the 'last attempt'. This would definitely be my last time.

AnotherEmma Thank you. My partner and my son both walked away from the crash with cuts, grazes and a bruise which is a miracle given the severity of the smash (Police, Fire Brigade and Paramedics all said they have never seen anyone walk away from such a crash).

I know I am extremely fortunate.

It will be a small, legal ceremony. Money is a big issue right now but I have a perfect dress and shoes, would just need to get a tulle underskirt and flowers for the bouquet.

I'm more excited than anything now and I am grateful for your positive comments.

Ragwort Tue 18-Oct-16 18:24:02

Personally I would't - now on my second marriage but if you are considering having a child together then yes, I would, for legal reasons.

Absolutely not a big, white wedding type of celebration.

Everytimeref Tue 18-Oct-16 18:29:47

On my third. 1st - married too young. Lasted 7 years 2nd Pregnant and wanted legal protection. After 2 years of marriage he became abusive. 3rd 3 years so far and couldn't imagine life without him.

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:33:19

I said that on my second Ragwort and I wouldn't have a bit white affair anyway although I've never actually had a 'big white' wedding anyway.

MrTCakes Tue 18-Oct-16 18:43:17

I would. I am divorced and at the time of going through it all I said I wouldn't marry ever again. I am now in a loving relationship and would marry him tomorrow.
Good luck with IVF.

user1471453601 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:44:10

I have been married three times, the last one ended in 1998. I had a quite talk with myself. I realised I'm just not marriage material. I could tell you sob stories about why they ended (physical, sexual abuse), but in the end it comes down to the fact that I just don't do well with others.

I now live very very happily with DD and her partner.

Just try to know yourself. If married life is for you, you will probably know. Just also know that life without a partner is also ( and in my experience, very happy) possible and hapy

hermione2016 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:46:28

How long have you been together? I think as you want a baby marriage is sensible, the baby is the real commitment anyway.But be totally honest with yourself, are you overlooking any signs? The desire for a baby is very strong instinct.

I'm separating from my 2nd husband, 10 years first marriage, very young and he was an alcoholic.2nd is 16 years and has been abusive.I was single for years in between but realise that as I reached late 30's my body clock ticked and I overlooked some red flags.

I thought my husband adored me and was totally safe but I had a warning before marriage and children as he displayed zero empathy when I had a serious illness.I didn't listen to my instinct, I also had a sunken cost fallacy, we had been together a while and the children were integrated.

I now have dc so whilst I don't regret that decision, financially it been a disaster for me and it's hard to recover when you are older.

Chasingsquirrels Tue 18-Oct-16 18:49:01

I'm twice married. DH has incurable cancer. I'd ideally live out the rest of my life with him, but it's unlikely to be an option. Given that I hope one day that I'll fall in love again, and if that happens I won't rule out marrying.

Millionreasons Tue 18-Oct-16 18:50:49

God no. I had a messy divorce and could never go through that again.

I know someone on their third marriage and they're not happy. What's the point?

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:59:16

hermione2016 Been together a couple of years. My age is a factor that we are currently talking babies. Plus I was sterilised a few years ago bulliedintoitbyex hence why IVF.

WombOfOnesOwn Tue 18-Oct-16 19:14:25

I'm 32 and married to my third husband. We have a son together. I have no children from the previous marriages -- #1 lasted 5 years after 2 years of dating (sexual incompatibility, married too young with very little idea of what it would mean!), #2 lasted about 18 months after just 2 months of dating -- a rebound that went way too far, and ended when I found out that he was prone to psychotic breaks with reality whenever he was remotely sleep-deprived (and I wanted to have a baby, so I realized this man was NEVER going to be the right partner for that!).

#3 is great. We have had occasional wobbles like any couple, but always resolve arguments feeling better than when they got started. We communicate well, are completely wild about our baby, and are planning to get started on another baby in a couple more years! I have never been happier.

DorindaJ Tue 18-Oct-16 19:15:57

Chasingsquirrels - sorry about your dear husband, hugs.

OP, do get married. I hope you are successful with ivf.

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