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Abusive family members

(18 Posts)
melonpiesucks Mon 17-Oct-16 20:53:52

I've NC as I don't want this linked to my normal name and it's quite sensitive.

After a falling out with the inlaws, myself, my parents and us are receiving threatening and abusive messages from my MIL and BIL. The language he has used in messages to me is disgusting and he has threatened my family. We have had ongoing issues with MIL due to her controlling behaviour and constant demand for money to pay her debts.

We have been struggling financially and mentally trying to support her and now she appears to be using my BIL as a weapon against us. I can't take any more abusive messages from him. She has accused me of trying to sabotage everything

Is there anything we can do to make them stop legally? If not, how do we move on from this? We are both at our wits end.

Sorry if this is all a bit jumbled, I'm just desperate right now

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 20:56:16

Phone the police.
They are harassing you.
Block all ways they have of contacting you too.

EnterFunnyNameHere Mon 17-Oct-16 21:36:52

Absolutely get the police involved - that's what they are therefore.

And agree with pp, block their numbers / fb and anything else they can use. Anything else they manage to get through pass straight on to the police.

ImperialBlether Mon 17-Oct-16 21:38:36

Well, that's the end of the gravy train, isn't it?

I agree with the others - inform the police. They've walked right into this.

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 00:29:44

Can the police do anything? I'm at the stage of stepping away from the man I love because the abuse we are getting is breaking us down. We are supporting each other but his family shouldn't be treating us like this. There are no direct threats so I can't help but think that the police won't be able to do anything. It's more veiled threats and abusive language. I'm in no way against swearing but I am shocked. I'm at breaking point. BIL's words are breaking me down

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 00:32:09

Thank you all for the advice, it's very appreciated. Totally out of my comfort zone right now and struggling to see the best way forward

nicenewdusters Tue 18-Oct-16 00:35:51

Yes, block absolutely everything. My phone provider has a service where you can block named incoming calls on your landline. You can certainly do this on a mobile. I'm sure emails etc can be similarly redirected.

Also, if they use third parties to try and convey their messages block them as well.

And yes, report them to the police. A veiled threat is still a threat. Abusive language is exactly that.

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 00:39:45

DH has told me to block them and I understand why but surely I can't then see any messages they do send. I'd rather keep a log of it all as evidence.

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 00:41:52

Thank you all again. I'm a bit of an emotional mess right now

ilovelamp82 Tue 18-Oct-16 00:59:29

Call the police

nicenewdusters Tue 18-Oct-16 01:02:40

What is the real threat here? Do you actually think they will, or could, do you physical harm? If so, you must have evidence of that already which you have logged and can pass on to the police. Then you can block.

If it's all bluster and just trying to upset you, then the threat is to your mental health and the well being of your marriage. Therefore you need to block everything, and their words will just be floating in the wind.

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 01:13:15

That is what I am doing my best to discern. I suspect it is all talk but it still hurts and I don't want to rush into anything

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 01:26:54

All I know for sure that I am at my wits end and my parents, who are approaching 80, but still more than able to stick up for themselves in an argument, are feeling anxious in their own home and I'm being called every horrific name you can imagine from someone I classed as a brother

EnterFunnyNameHere Tue 18-Oct-16 07:56:35

Abusive language and threats (even veiled ones) are harassment, and the police will be able to help. Anything you still have, take to the police, along with anything you can coherently remember.

I suspect they will open a case file and suggest you block as many communication channels as possible (same for you parents). If DHs family find other communication routes send a copy of anything that gets through to the police before deleting it.

If blocking their numbers isn't enough you can get a call screening thing on your phone which means people basically have to say who they are and what the call is about before they get through to you. It's normally to stop sales calls but should work here.

How have they been contacting you and your family to date?

pallasathena Tue 18-Oct-16 08:31:24

This could be categorised as coercive control - there's a new law specifically designed to deal with emotional abuse of an individual or family - you need to contact the police and make a formal complaint quoting this new legislation.
Keep records of everything they say or do in a daily journal and invest in a go pro camera to record any physical threats or intimidation. You must build a case now and part of that case is to immediately see a solicitor to take out an injunction against them. This action should prevent them contacting you and yours giving you some control over the situation.
And this is an imperative. You have to get some control back. You have to show them that you're not intimidated or frightened because your fear and anxiety are feeding their twisted aggression. By taking action, you regain some control, by not communicating with them, except through a solicitor, you occupy the high ground and can be seen to be civilised, law abiding and fully entitled to legal redress.

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 23:35:35

Thank you so much, I really appreciate all the helpful advice. DH and I have been trying to store a log of all abuse and threats. It kills me that my lovely parents are scared in their own home. After a barrage of disgusting abuse last night,all contacts are blocked. Please forgive my nativity but how do I go about reporting this? We have a local police station but it is often closed. Most of our local stations have been shut down sadly

melonpiesucks Tue 18-Oct-16 23:41:40

It all seems excessive but my parents are scared. They are strong people but they have health issues and in their 80s and 70s now. BIL is mid 20s, strong and healthy. Please tell me I'm not overreacting. I never expected this from him, but they come first

EnterFunnyNameHere Wed 19-Oct-16 10:02:40

You're not overreacting - everyone deserves to feel safe.

I would ring the non emergency police number (101 on landlines and 9101 on mobiles I believe) and take it from there. Just be honest and open and let the police guide the process. Be clear about what you have evidence for and what is recollection - it all should be reported but is probably easier for the police to know what could be explicitly proven if needed. Not that verbal evidence doesn't count of course!

Could you do the call and/or subsequent meetings with your parents there too? There might be different advice or processes for more vulnerable people and also it's important to show that it's more than just you being affected!

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