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dp looked up old flame on Facebook.

(37 Posts)
TheoriginalLEM Mon 17-Oct-16 19:21:33

and i am not ok with it. hmm

i know people do this and its no more than curiosity but i am really upset by it.

He said he was looking up people he knew from the past which i know to be true as old friends have contacted him. Maybe thats what started it off?

But why now? we have been together 24 years.

When i pulled him on it he got annoyed and has deleted his fb account. Or rather taken it off his phone.

I have been less sexual in recent years die to medication and working long hours but id say our sex life is healthy. He does comment though. Is this why maybe??

AnyFucker Mon 17-Oct-16 19:22:44

If that was the reason why would you be OK with it ?

MaybeDoctor Mon 17-Oct-16 19:25:34

I do the occasional 'curiosity google', more to see what old friends are doing professionally, but I think Facebook is a bit more of a problem as there is an easy means of getting in touch.

Simonneilsbeard Mon 17-Oct-16 19:25:41

I can understand to a point why this might concern you. I have looked up childhood friends and old boyfriends on Facebook..doesn't mean I don't love my husband it was just curiousity, downright nosiness if I'm honest! blush wondering how they are, what their lives are like and what they're up to ..I think it's normal!
If things are generally ok in your relationship I wouldn't worry too much x

nicenewdusters Mon 17-Oct-16 19:27:16

Given the time that has passed it seems pretty innocent, particularly as you know it's been prompted by his being contacted by old friends. We're nearly all curious about our ex's, doesn't have to mean anything.

Can't imagine the physical side of your relationship is linked to this. Or it is if you think he was hoping to hook up with her for sex? Seems unlikely.

TealGiraffe Mon 17-Oct-16 19:27:55

Unless there is a massive backstory i wouldnt worry. I search for people i havent seen for years. They might just pop into my head one day and i think 'wonder what happened to them' and search them. Including exes.

If it is just this isuue on its own, let it go

Diamogs Mon 17-Oct-16 19:29:21

I'm on the fence on this one - I have a number of ex-boyfriend's on Facebook - it is just a way of keeping in touch without really keeping in touch. It means nothing but is nice to see how they are getting on.

OTOH XH got in touch with his ex and started an EA - hence now being my XH.

It's not so much looking them up it is the intent behind it.

ByeByeLilSebastian Mon 17-Oct-16 19:29:50

I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill if it is as simple as that.

I've looked up my ex before. I'd never want to go back to him and am more than happy with dh. I'm just nosey.

TheoriginalLEM Mon 17-Oct-16 19:30:24

i know i know - i told him.it was ok. and im trying to be ok with it. i trust him 100%

SweetN0thing Mon 17-Oct-16 19:35:39

I look up people I used to know all the time on fb, including exes, pure nosiness. It doesn't mean anything, I wouldn't dream of even messaging them let alone trying to meet with them. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Everyone knows the only reason anyone has Facebook is to enable nosiness!

FelicityGubbins Mon 17-Oct-16 19:40:05

I've been married a very long time and I recently tried a Facebook search for an ex of mine, simply because I heard a name similar to his and it got me wondering if my ex was actually as fat and bald as I'd always assumed he would end up. I would rather stab myself in the eyes than ever be close enough to him to see him in the flesh.

ByeByeLilSebastian Mon 17-Oct-16 19:40:39

Is he one of the good ones or is there a backstory that's making you nervous?

TheoriginalLEM Mon 17-Oct-16 19:44:29

he is def one of the good ones grin im being silly and a tad hypocritical doesn't help that he has her fucking name tattooed badly on his arm angry

leaveittothediva Mon 17-Oct-16 19:45:11

Am I the only one that couldn't give a rats arse how any of my ex partners are doing, or what their lives are like. Mine are ex for good reason. I'd rather put the effort into my life now.

eternalopt Mon 17-Oct-16 19:48:48

I've done it. In fact, I spotted that he had "liked" a certain wedding photographer so I looked them up too and had a nosy at his wedding pics on the photographer's blog and took great pleasure at the fact that the woman he cheated on me with had not aged well! Just pure nosiness and idle internet clicking. Doesn't mean I would go anywhere near him again or that I love my DH any less.

Montane50 Mon 17-Oct-16 20:10:56

If it was only a 'stalk' id say no harm done. If contact was made by either side thats a bit more serious. My dp accepted a friend request from an ex female colleague and i told him exactly why i thought it was unacceptable (so he deleted her), but hes so gormless he was just being naive-im sure thats the same with your dp x

HughLauriesStubble Tue 18-Oct-16 09:19:20

Diva I'm the very same! My ex showed up in the 'people I might know' section and I nearly had a heart attack and blocked him immediately so that he wouldn't show there again. I presume he was trying to nosey on my very private page, isn't that how the 'people I might know' works?

Another ex sent a friend request and got the immediate blocking treatment too. Exes are exes for a reason. My life is infinitely better now than it was when I was with any of them so I don't give 2 hoots what they have done with their lives.

TheNaze73 Tue 18-Oct-16 10:21:07

I cannot see the problem.

moomoome Tue 18-Oct-16 10:26:50

i look them up occassionally just so i know where they are and so i can keep well away!!!!!

hellsbellsmelons Tue 18-Oct-16 10:39:04

So in 24 years he's never had her name covered?
That seems very odd indeed.

I look up my ex's every now and then.

plimsolls Tue 18-Oct-16 10:45:07

I look up people out of curiosity all the time, including the exes I am no longer in contact with.

If you've been married 24 years, this "old flame" must be completely extinguished (to continue the metaphor!) and I'd be surprised if you had anything to worry about.

Realistically, if there are problems in your marriage and he is tempted to stray, I doubt he'd start by using Facebook to contact an ex girlfriend from over 24 years ago.

Therefore, I'd say that the FB thing is innocent and not linked to any fears you'd have about your relationship/sex life.

MackerelOfFact Tue 18-Oct-16 10:49:45

Surely everyone does this? blush If I'm wide awake in the middle of the night and nothing is happening on MN, I often look up people from my past on FB - exes, people who bullied me at school, old teachers, childhood penpals, people I went to Brownies with - any random people whose name I remember but haven't seen in decades and have no desire to contact! It's just nosiness, wondering what they're up to - I'd never contact any of them.

Flingmoo Tue 18-Oct-16 10:54:07

I look up my exes maybe once a year, it's pure nosiness, as I find it interesting to see where they've got to in life! Unless he's actually been in touch I wouldn't be too worried.

Branleuse Tue 18-Oct-16 11:07:39

I think most people do it and it means nothing

TempusEedjit Tue 18-Oct-16 11:24:17

Did he delete FB in a strop or because you asked him to? If was in a strop I'd feel a bit worried about such a dramatic overreaction (unless you yourself were ott in raising it with him).

Why has he never covered over his ex's name? That would bother me tbh.

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