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Thoughts about how you would respond

(8 Posts)
AliceLucyBD35 Mon 17-Oct-16 16:57:25

A few years ago now, I was diagnosed with cancer. Luckily my prognosis was very good and thankfully, I am healthy now. Following my operation, but prior to me beginning chemotherapy, my MIL offered to come and help us with some 'clearing out'. I really wasn't that bothered but MIL was quite insistent and my husband thought that it might 'help to distract her'. We had almost finished, when out of ear shot, MIL said " Some friends of mine - their son, he was young and his wife got cancer, he re-married within a year after she died. Everyone thought that it was a bit quick but I thought that it was a good thing". I was bemused at first, but then just couldn't believe that my MIL couldn't see that what she was saying might be very upsetting. When MIL had gone home, I told DH what she had said. DH felt that it was odd and described it as a 'stupid' comment.
Recently, MIL has become more difficult, awkward and unpleasant. She had become increasingly over involved and was trying to control many of our decisions. DH is starting to deal with this but finds it hard and would probably prefer to see his DM a little more than we currently do.
I think that I am hoping that you will think that her comment was very unkind, cruel even, perhaps reflecting her true colours and therefore I can maintain my LC stance without guilt or obligation.

DiegeticMuch Mon 17-Oct-16 17:00:55

I'm genuinely shocked. I've no idea what to say. What an incredibly foolish thing to have said.

adora1 Mon 17-Oct-16 17:04:46

What an idiot woman; she possibly doesn't like you that much OP, I am sure you can live with this and I would encourage your OH to go see her as much as he bloody well likes, just without you.

ProseccoBitch Mon 17-Oct-16 17:10:42

What a stupid woman.

mycatstares Mon 17-Oct-16 17:16:08

I'm furious on your behalf that your bloody dh didn't go ape shit about that comment!!

They both sound like a pair of knobs tbh.

So glad you've recovered wellsmileflowers

DixieWishbone Mon 17-Oct-16 17:21:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 17-Oct-16 17:35:31

I don't think you should justify your current LC decision based on one comment, made supposedly out of earshot a few years ago. Yes it was cruel but people say stupid shit when they are scared of another person's illness.

If your aim is to convince DH that his mum is a cow then I don't think a focus on this comment some years ago is the best approach. I speak as someone who has a toxic DM. You can't rush him into finding it easy to keep her at bay. It takes time. If he is trying to resist, you are halfway there, which is great.

IreallyKNOWiamright Mon 17-Oct-16 20:21:58

My Mil said dreadful things to me and even emotional black mailed me to eat after major surgey I couldn't eat I was so ill and so sick from all the drugs. 15 years later she is much better dealing with illness but it was so hard at first. Please don't make yourself worry concentrate on getting better and your relationship with your dh
Perhaps put in some boundaries and maybe get friends in if you need some help instead of inlaws flowersflowers

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