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Rubbish birthday

(26 Posts)
Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:12:46

Had an argument with my partner, my birthday today but doesn't feel like a good day. We are in process of buying a house so agreed we wouldn't spend much this year on birthdays. My partner booked a last minute trip away for us from Yorkshire to Great Yarmouth for a night Saturday to Sunday. However he forgot to drop off cats at cattery on his day off Friday so we couldn't set off till after 10am, he was then getting stressed on the journey down with me because he nearly ran out of petrol 10 miles into journey. when we finally got there after 5 hrs driving, we went to the promenade and really only thing to do was amusements. He didn't want to take part in amusements or rides like dodgems said it 'was for kids' managed to talk him into crazy golf and he went on log fume ride that was it. Wasn't much else to do there other then that so went back to hotel then we went to cinema and I paid for a takeaway. Sunday he woke up in a mood and irritable. Again he didn't want to take part in anything to we just walked from one pleasure beach to the other and then went to car. He said did I want to stop off at another seaside spot but I couldn't be bothered so we came home. I thought maybe he was tired with driving and had something planned today. But nothing. He went to Tescos at top of our street this morning for a card and cake for me, no presents and then said shall we go to Leeds to go in amusements! Wtf! I just couldn't believe his lack of effort, had an argument with him and he's stormed out calling me some horrible names and saying I'm childish for being upset about the birthday, saying we said we wouldn't do much. But it's not the money at all, it's the lack of effort from him to make memorable. I don't know what to say to him. Anyway it's a rubbish day, wish I had organised to do something with someone else.

fessmess Mon 17-Oct-16 14:15:20

Your partner booked a night away and got you a cake and card? You're short of money? Sounds like a fab birthday. You're being entitled imo.

GeekyWombat Mon 17-Oct-16 14:17:19

He took you away for a weekend and drove all the way there and back, then got you a cake and a card and you don't think he made an effort? What else would you have wanted him to do?

adora1 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:17:39

So you feel like he's done this grudgingly, that's what it sounds like, a few kind words wouldn't have gone amiss, I think you are right to feel hurt, he could have shown you a bit of love.

loveyoutothemoon Mon 17-Oct-16 14:18:29

I think you're being unreasonable.

Johnstonbananas Mon 17-Oct-16 14:19:00

In fairness to him you did say that you weren't making a big deal of birthdays because of buying a house.

Some men- not all men wouldn't even remember to buy a cake to be honest. I think you were both in a bad mood/grumpy. I wouldn't say he ruined your birthday

MadHattersWineParty Mon 17-Oct-16 14:27:35

Ummm..... I think he tried to make an effort then it was six of one half a dozen of the other with probably both you feeding an irritable mood. I don't think it was solely him that 'ruined' your birthday.

Great Yarmouth can be a bit crap when the weather's not great and it's very nearly the end of the season. No ones fault but you could have tried to have a laugh/a few drinks and made the best of it.

He got a cake and a card too- I'm confused as to why it matters if he got them in a Tesco that happens to be at the top of your road.

HandyWoman Mon 17-Oct-16 14:27:53

Well I think yes he booked a hotel but there wasn't any thought behind whether you had a good time. He was disorganised over the most simple things (petrol, cattery, what to actually do once there) and you felt you had to chivvy him up once he was there.. fuck that for a birthday treat. YANBU. At all...

How is your relationship generally?

How long have you been together?

HandyWoman Mon 17-Oct-16 14:28:27

Oh, and happy birthday flowers

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:41:31

Well it's just that he suggested going to Great Yarmouth to go on the amusements and have fun. But we got there and didn't want to anything. There isn't much else to do there other then amusements so was a bit boring when he didn't want to take part and seemed to want to argue. But I didn't argue with him and tried to make best of it going through a long list of suggestions till I could find something he would do on Saturday night, he didn't want to go for a drink or eat out so we went to cinema. You don't have to spend money to have a good time. I just feel like he couldn't be arsed with it, so I don't know why he arranged it. Would rather have stayed at home and now we have had an argument just won't spend another birthday with him.

MadHattersWineParty Mon 17-Oct-16 14:49:14

You didn't even go on the Snails?!shock

Great Yarmouth is a summer destination. Maybe he thought it was a bit grim (and out of season/sunshine it can be) ) and was worried he'd messed up by booking there?

You are presumably going to be with him long term if you're buying a house! You can't seriously mean you'll NEVER spend your birthday with him again ever?!

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:59:09

I know it was very grim. I would have happily just got drunk in a pub somewhere. It all just became a lot of effort keeping up the pretence that we were having a good time and trying to find something he would do for fun. Right now I don't feel like I want to spend any birthday with him again. This weekend wasn't a surprise was just something we decided to do rather then buy gifts. He just chose the location that's all, so in his mind job done. Sometimes I wonder why we are getting a house together our personalitys are so different to each other.

HandyWoman Mon 17-Oct-16 15:16:09

Is it too late to stop the house purchase?


How long have you been together?

MadHattersWineParty Mon 17-Oct-16 15:17:38

Is there a mate you can go and have a few drinks with tonight and salvage some birthday?

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 15:42:00

Been together 5 years had 2 miscarriages in that time, my dad passed away as well so not been easy. Yeah maybe that's the answer, we should stop the house sale don't think he's happy. I don't think I can handle his mood swings I just seem to irritate him. If I talk to much when around his family or around him he doesn't like it. If I want us to spend time with other people he doesn't like it. He makes me feel stupid, all the time, he won't relax and enjoy himself. I'm just down because I can't spend any more time away with him. It's easier when at home as I have other distractions when he's in a mood. It's harder when we are away,because I feel more reliant on him and not as easy to get away from his moods. I just hate the fact he can't see how he is, easy to say it's just me getting my own way for my birthday. But that's the only time, he writes a nice message to me or treats me to anything. The rest of the year he doesn't show any emotions towards me unless he has to and I mean really has to he is emotionless physically and verbally.I don't know how I got here.

luckylucky24 Mon 17-Oct-16 15:51:05

My DH didn't get me anything either. What I wanted he said would have to wait until xmas for as we dont have enough for it this month, (wouldn't mind if he hadn't spent £700-800 on himself the month before).
I said he would have to use his imagination then but he didn't bother.
He did take me out for afternoon tea which was nice but a week later made a comment about feeling guilty for not buying a present. I just shrugged - what was I suppose to say??

NotTheFordType Mon 17-Oct-16 15:56:51

Bloody hell Yorkshire, originally I did think you were being a bit moany but your last update speaks volumes.

Please do not buy a house with this man, you sound totally unsuited. In fact he sounds very passive aggressive and reminds me of a previous partner I had when I was young and a lot less assertive. I ended up walking on eggshells around him, making myself responsible for his sulks. It was such a depressing and tiring way to live. I kick myself now to think I wasted most of my 20s with him when I could have been enjoying being on my own or with someone else.

Are you currently renting together?

Millionreasons Mon 17-Oct-16 16:05:24

I think the point is he was moody and irritable and a killjoy. There's no point in going all that way then not making the most of it, even if it wasn't really his scene.

I knew my marriage was over when my exh spoilt my birthday with a stroppy mood all day. I don't know why I stayed with him as he did exactly the same the year after. (We did split up the next month.)

If you are questioning how you ended up here, I think you should be questioning the whole relationship including the house.

Millionreasons Mon 17-Oct-16 16:06:41

Tbh it doesn't matter if someone has got you a card and a cake if they are unpleasant. So what?

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 16:13:10

I know but I hate writing that down because you then see your relationship for what it is. What you don't want others to see. It makes it real. I was very confident person in my 20s, but I met him at the wrong moment in my life after a long term partner cheated on me with a best friend only a few months after we got my confidence had been shattered and my support networks of my family was broken my dad was seriously ill. I met him when going out regularly heavily drinking and having a chaotic lifestyle and his controlling behaviour at the time didn't feel like that, it gave me direction and structure in a world of chaos. But this became my life, walking on egg shells, apologising for his mistakes, feeling like when we were in Great Yarmouth although it was my birthday I had to find things to do that he would approve of. He just wants to be on a pedestal and to be made a fuss of. I have to be grateful for every little titbit of affection he gives me. I don't know how I got here but now I feel really trapped and feel like I'm so stupid and crazy my life will fall apart without him. I've just lost all my confidence bit by bit.

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 16:17:10

He's living with me in my house at the moment. We are selling my house and buying a house together.

MadHattersWineParty Mon 17-Oct-16 16:19:36

In that case I seriously hope it's not too late to get out of selling your house.

adora1 Mon 17-Oct-16 16:19:43

You must be mad to by a house with such a manipulative and awful person, just pull out OP and stay in your own home, this man is not your friend; he's a controlling miserable bastard, do you really want this life for the rest of your days?

Johnstonbananas Mon 17-Oct-16 17:21:10

If you aren't happy you can end things. You don't need any excuse to do so. The person you are describing sounds like a nightmare- yes in the beginning he didn't seem too bad but as you tell us more...

It's easy for us to say you should leave or kick him out but you have to honestly think about if this is the relationship you want or not.

Do you want to be with someone who have to walk on egg shells with? Do you want to not enjoy life because of someone else?

Yorkshirelass2016 Mon 17-Oct-16 21:49:45

Well he's been gone all day now since we argued and not speaking to me. Just feel like it was all my fault I shouldn't have argued with him about anything.

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