Long story short, my SIL is pretty toxic and has always had a very difficult relationship with her mother, my MIL. She is very abusive now and has been for years. MIL is lovely but very weak. She lets it continue even though she is scared of SIL (physically intimidated and emotionally bullied) as she doesn't want to lose touch with her grandchildren, although she feels she has 'lost them' anyway as SIL badmouths her in front of the kids and they don't want to spend time with her much. SIL has a real chip on her shoulder about my DH being the favourite in their family - he does have a better relationship with his parents but possibly down to the fact he didn't run away and lie about being abused by his parents as a teenager, which she did, and countless other issues since. She even lied about her last pregnancy and kept it secret until the baby was a few months old.
My FIL, her step dad who has raised her since she was 2, can't stand her and doesn't want anything to do with her. My DH can't be arsed any more either and only sees her from time to time to keep his mum happy and for our kids to see hers.
I have tried to stay out of it and have always been civil to SIL though never particularly friendly. I got involved a few years ago and it all blew up as I was the only being honest with SIL about her behaviour and how it was affecting everybody else in the family.
I have managed to avoid seeing her much - pretty much only at family gatherings at MILs house where MIL is always a neurotic nervous wreck (her usual state anyway) and SIL doesn't speak except to criticse her mum - a nervous, lack of social skills thing I think. It's all very hard work and exhausting.
Recently it has all blown up again with SIL being horrible to MIL and bitching about DH and myself. She never says anything to us directly, only on facebook and to MIL, but we are getting a lot of pressure from MIL to do something to improve things for her sake.
MIL says she wants us to be open and honest...
I am very fond of my MIL and feel for her but don't really want to travel a couple of hours to spend time with SIL I rarely talk to, don't like and have absolutely nothing in common with. In fact I would go as far as to say I can't stand her and if I'm going to be 'open and honest' about how I feel it would only make relationships worse! I am happy to keep things as they are and be civil when I have to see her but don't want to waste time and effort on a pretend relationship when life is so busy I barely get to see my own friends and family I love.
Phew. Sorry, this is highly edited but still an essay.!
Basically - what would you do? How do I handle this without relationships getting worse than they already are?
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Relationships
MIL begging me to improve relationship with SIL I don't get on with. WWYD?
13 replies
overwhelmedbyitall · 17/10/2016 11:15
OP posts:
0dfod ·
17/10/2016 12:21
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