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Using food as a tool to win me back

(62 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

user1475512791 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:05:34

Might seem a strange heading.
i left my husband after what Women's Aid described as one of the most abusive relationships you could be involved in.
I've had the police remove me from the property because of concerns for my safety. My teenage son refusing to come into the house through fear, my personal property driven over in the road for all to see & 100's of suicide threats from him.
I finally moved into my own house a few weeks ago. I am pretty self sufficient in term of earnings but things have been tight.
TSBXH informed me he had a large pay day yesterday - I have £4 in my purse - and if we needed to eat (me and son) we would have to go up to his house - he would cook & fed us and we could leave.
On breadline & no where to turn

Dowser Sun 16-Oct-16 22:08:52

Please don't op

Don't let him control you over hunger.
Someone else will be able to help you I'm sure.
£4 can get you some basic pasta, tinned tomatoes, not amazing I know but enough to keep the wolf from the door.
He's tried to kill you.
Don't go back into the lions den

user1471462290 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:10:20

No don't do it, he will use as a hold over you in times to come

My ex was the same he would throw it in my face " I can't be all bad I fed you when you were hungry" "I was there when you needed me"ect ect

You have done so well in leaving him, stay strong and independent xxx

Big hugs xxxx

marblefireplace Sun 16-Oct-16 22:10:55

Don't do it. Don't allow him to even try to get you back in his control. Can you contact your local food bank? Do you have family or friends who can help if things are that tight? Are you claiming any and all benefits/tax credits for which you are eligible?

ageingrunner Sun 16-Oct-16 22:12:01

What a complete arse hole he is to know you're both hungry and to attach conditions to it. Please don't go back you could be in danger from him.

HeddaGarbled Sun 16-Oct-16 22:14:19

Of course you mustn't go into his house. You know that.

Talk to CAB or Woman's Aid about your finances and whether there are any benefits, free school meals, access to food banks or other charitable organisations etc, you can access.

Also ask about getting a non molestation order to stop him contacting you in future.

Ohdearducks Sun 16-Oct-16 22:15:55

Don't do it, one night with an empty stomach won't kill you but he might. Go to Icelands or Lidl/Aldi and pick up a couple of cheap bits to see you through. Pasta and jar sauce, bread and sandwich meat etc or tinned soups. Please don't go back there.

Dowser Sun 16-Oct-16 22:18:01

Look at jack monroes site for cheap filling food ideas
A girl called jack

You can do this.

user1475512791 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:45:07

Thank you for your replies - for me I won't go there - for my son I worry.
I never had a lot to lose but I have gone from 9 stone 3 in March to 7 and half stone now through making sure my son has enough. It's amazing how you can make your plate look full so they don't worry.
However , this is and will be a hurdle we will get over.

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Oct-16 22:46:41

Do you have any friends who'd cook for you instead? Keep away from him!

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble Sun 16-Oct-16 22:53:59

Dont go anywhere near that vile being , get yourself some high energy foods and make sure you eat , oats , pasta , rice , beans that kind of thing theres lots of economical recipes online ,its temporary things will get better , is there any way you can get help from a food bank

AdoraBell Sun 16-Oct-16 22:54:22

Don't go. You already know you can get over this hurdle, well done, but don't let him guilt you into giving in. If he was that concerned about his son eating he would transfer some funds into your account so you could buy food.

On a practical level, what food do you have in atm? And how long does the £4 have to last? Do you have any points on a Tesco/Nectar card you could use, any friends or relatives that could lend you a tenner?

gettingitwrongputtingitright Sun 16-Oct-16 22:54:58

How long is £4 for. As above tinned toms and pasta. Job done. Do not go there?

gettingitwrongputtingitright Sun 16-Oct-16 22:56:05

There are loads of cheap meal ideas on here.

gettingitwrongputtingitright Sun 16-Oct-16 22:57:09

Jacket pots value beans

Dieu Sun 16-Oct-16 22:57:34

Where do you live OP? If in Edinburgh, I'd be more than happy to put together a wee food package for you.

gettingitwrongputtingitright Sun 16-Oct-16 22:57:43

Meant do not go there!!

acornsandnuts Sun 16-Oct-16 23:00:28

Egg fried rice with frozen peas. Value rice is 40p as are peas. Eggs are a fab fall back and a splash of soy sauce if you have some or knock on a neighbour with an egg cup to borrow some.

Coconutty Sun 16-Oct-16 23:01:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoldarksBreeches Sun 16-Oct-16 23:04:57

Get yourself referred to a food bank before you go anywhere near him.

NoCapes Sun 16-Oct-16 23:08:36

Don't do it OP
If he gave a shit he'd be giving you money for food, not this

Are you claiming everything you're entitled to? Do you have any food in at all? When do you get more money? Where about in the country are you? I'd be more than happy to help if you're local to me

Dowser Sun 16-Oct-16 23:10:18

There must be some agencies/ charities that will help vulnerable children

Does this man have a family. Surely they won't let you and your/his child starve.
Try
Foodbacks
Churches
Ring council to see what schemes are in the area
Wrist
Red Cross

My dad worked for the Red Cross after retirement and delivered sacks of toys at Christmas to families in need. They might have a scheme

There's another one...children in need

Dowser Sun 16-Oct-16 23:11:01

Food banks and wrvs

user1475512791 Sun 16-Oct-16 23:34:07

Thank you all - £4 has to last me until thursday.
I have enough in the cupboards to make sure my son is fed & I have a friend who just messaged me "I'm coming to get you tomorrow - I can't afford much but I will get you the basics "
It's kinda of how did I get here ? Controlled in one way to now completely controlled by FOOD ?

user1475512791 Sun 16-Oct-16 23:36:29

I'm in Berkshire but just want to say thank you for all the incredibly kind offers for food donations. Makes me feel very humble

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