We rely on advertising to keep the lights on.

Please consider adding us to your whitelist.

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Weird mother

(5 Posts)
twopenneth Sun 16-Oct-16 21:37:58

Inspired by something I've just read; my mum is constantly buying or bringing things to my house that I don't want or need. She 'clears out' her home which results in a car load of boxes being brought to be stored at mine containing all my childhood stuff she's saved. She'll try & offload furniture, just bringing it over when I have said 'no' and just last week mentioned she'd bought all of my dc's birthday presents & will be wrapping and bringing them here to store (4 months away)

To avoid drop feed, we have a weird relationship. I think she's a narc & she's forever falling out with relatives or 'cutting people out'

pallasathena Mon 17-Oct-16 09:01:37

I do this with one of my adult daughters, not so much old stuff or their childhood books/toys, but every time I visit, I go armed with 'stuff' for the grandchildren or for my daughter herself.
I do it out of anxiety because I don't think she likes me very much and I feel very self conscious just arriving without anything to offer.
How sad is that?

MissPathetic30 Mon 17-Oct-16 09:16:59

My mum is forever bringing me things, but I get that's the way she shows her love and affection, she's not a hugger and certainly not one to gush about her love for me or grandkids. Her taste is very different from mine, she's all into name brands and ensuring the kids are not without. If I don't want it I put it to one side and save for charity or give away, and if she brings up the missing item in question I tell her I had no use for it but I found someone else who did. She gets a bit miffed off about that, but it kind of keeps her under control to some degree. So Two it could just be her way of showing affection and yes it can be annoying, but at least you know she's thinking of you. However, if she brings over something ridiculously big, just tell her no at the door, she'll be put out but so what? Your house is not a dumping ground. My mum would call all the family and let them know what I'd done to her if I did that and to make a point refuse to carry anything over for a while, which might just be what you need.

Oh Pallas how sad? Until I had kids I never knew how much my mum loved me and really didn't make much time for her, maybe now as a mum she'll soon realise how much you care and love her and whatever barrier is in place will be removed.

twopenneth Tue 18-Oct-16 06:33:36

Not sad at all Pallas flowers

I didn't know if it was a control thing or her just going overboard & genuinely having no storage space at her house (not like we have more though!)

saintagur Tue 18-Oct-16 06:43:11

I don't think it's unreasonable to leave your DC's presents at your house. However, I can quite see why you don't want to be a dumping ground for unwanted stuff. I think part of it is a generational thing, in that older people who grew up before the days of mass consumerism hated to waste things.

My MIL also tried to dump loads of stuff on us, when she moved, as well as on her other son and DIL (who were more upfront in saying 'No thanks'), which really annoyed her!). We just stuck it in the shed and got rid of it in due course; yes, it was a bit annoying, but not worth falling out over.

Can you help her clear out/e-bay/car boot/charity shop to nip the problem in the bud?

I am not sure what the etiquette is on childhood stuff. Presumably one day your DM will be gone, so maybe she wants to sort stuff out sooner rather than later. I expect that there are some items that you might want for the memories and maybe for your own DC, but probably the rest is surplus to requirements (can you tell I've been on the Marie Kondo thread?).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now