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Complications after Emotional affair

(7 Posts)
eswort Sun 16-Oct-16 17:16:57

Hi..as a bloke i was looking for a bit of advice from the wise women here!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2586174-Is-it-an-emotional-affair-what-to-do

I posted the above back in March I think..anyway the jist of it was my wife, i feel/know was having an emotional affair with our ex neighbour who has moved in with his gf down the road. She no longer goes round for a coffee with just him as it was really making me uncomfortable, though took my wife a while to get the message. So now he only invites her round when his gf is there which is fairly often and their friendship is blossoming. (My wife and his gf)

He makes me really uncomfortable he is a born again christian with some rather mad views on life and it's meaning as is his gf..

A few years ago after he converted and was single, he had a wager with a friend/friends that he could sleep with 7 women in 7 days I said to my wife over the weekend that to me this is abuse and an awful way to treat women as they didn't know about the "bet". Anyway she always seems to stick up for him and it ended up with a bit of an atmosphere/row, and now we are being invited to go round, his gf is ok I guess, there is often a bit of evangelizing but i can put up with that

My problem is that I just felt really traumatised by her EA last year as outlined in my above post... Any contact she has with him even when his gf is there just upsets me, there is something about him that I feel is calculating and premeditated. I really don't want to see him and would be happy if he just f'*ed off but i feel to keep the peace I have to go ...rambling but any advice apreciated!

Happybunny19 Sun 16-Oct-16 17:26:11

He sounds like a right sleaze, I wouldn't trust him either. You receive the same advice from me that I would give anyone in this position, if your oh had an emotional affair she needs to cut out ALL contact now. Surely she can understand why you're uncomfortable ? Did she admit their relationship went too far previously?

Myusernameismyusername Sun 16-Oct-16 17:38:39

Urgh he does sound dreadful.
I think you need to say how you feel without it seeming like you are telling her what to do, just that you are still hurting and this is NOT helping you rebuild trust. You don't have to socialise with people you can't stand let alone someone who got involved with your wife. These are not good boundaries
Please talk to her and make this clear

eswort Sun 16-Oct-16 18:13:03

There was never an acknowledgement that she'd done anything wrong really..after a fair few lies she did say that she had to question her feelings about him but this was fleeting, though i found a load of stuff about a year later on the family computer that she had search for, loving someone you can't have, dealing with unrequited love, comparing my star sign with his etc . this was over a number of months, not fleeting! She denied that she loved him and tended to squirm when i originally kept bringing it up and now to do so ends up in a fairly major row..it's like I've had my time to question her about it and now I need to let it go..which up to a point I can but I still remain suspicious of her feelings towards him and my trust is fairly fragile..going round will mean more invites and more anxst for me .

From being able to talk about and share anything this part of our history is now a closed book I open it at my peril, I think deep down I just can't forgive her.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 16-Oct-16 19:11:21

I think this is your fundamental problem OP, you can't forgive someone who hasn't owned up to their part in something can you?

Do you want to continue in a relationship where your feelings don't matter?

LellyMcKelly Sun 16-Oct-16 19:34:07

If he's a born again Christian he wouldn't believe in sex before marriage and wouldn't be living with a woman who wasn't his wife. Something is very very odd. He's not trying to indoctrinate her into a cult, is he?

eswort Sun 16-Oct-16 20:18:56

It's complicated I guess, I do want to continue, I love her dearly but feels like something's been tainted, I feel betrayed.
I think he is trying to save her soul otherwise she won't go to heaven in his eyes, at the same time there's an element of wanting to get into her pants.. she was very keen about going to his church last year but I said I really wasn't happy about it.. fair enough if you want to explore your faith go to church just not his.. she never went to another

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