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What would you do?

(14 Posts)
Eglantyne Sun 16-Oct-16 15:01:23

What if, VERY VERY occasionally, rows between a usually happily married couple (married 15 years, together 25 years), got a bit pushy and shovey.
What if the wife is the person to start the physical stuff in a row, not the husband?
What if today a giant shove has left the wife in hospital having a gash in her head glued back together?

Who is the abuser? The wife for starting it, or the husband for retaliating and really hurting her?

Leave the bastard?

What if the wife literally has no other family?
Still LTB?
What if the wife also has an eye condition, which means that one day she might be partially sighted? Would you still recommend LTB?
What if she still loves him?

CalleighDoodle Sun 16-Oct-16 15:03:17

Yes ltb. He should definitely leave. This is a toxic relationship and her future health issues shouldnt mean he is trapped.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 16-Oct-16 15:05:34

It's a terrible marriage and they should part. It's just not healthy

FlabulousChic Sun 16-Oct-16 15:42:43

The wife is the abuser and the husband should leave nothing else is relevant

ICuntSeeYourPoint Sun 16-Oct-16 15:51:46

They have both been physically abusive to each other, and the level of physical abuse has escalated to one of them being hospitalised? They need to separate. Don't worry about who started it, or really who "the abuser" is. What matters is it's an unhealthy relationship which is only getting worse, so it would seem very sensible to end it, regardless of other health and family circumstances.

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 16-Oct-16 15:53:36

Maybe try some marriage guidance/anger management?

Eglantyne Sun 16-Oct-16 16:25:40

So you think it's salvageable Watching? If both parties genuinely don't want to separate & still love each other? What if the relationship is only toxic a few days a year, and the rest of the time it's really good?

potentialqualms Sun 16-Oct-16 16:33:02

"A few days a year" is really far too many to be getting pushed and shoved

BubblingUp Sun 16-Oct-16 16:38:45

Wife is abuser. Husband used self-defense. Why would husband tolerate this? Then to find out wife just needs to stay together because she has no one else and worries who will care take her in the future? Why would the husband agree to be abused and used in this way? Or is the "few days a year" some kind of bonding thing?

HuskyLover1 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:39:24

Of course it's salvageable, if you both want to salvage it, BUT.....it's escalating now isn't it? Now you're in hospital. What next?

Somerville Sun 16-Oct-16 16:46:55

Not salvageable in any way, shape or form. If there are dependant children then social services will probably be in touch, if the real reason for the head wound was given. They'll want to see genuine understanding that this isn't a good relationship in which to raise children and that steps have been taken to protect them by ending it and living apart.

Legally, I've read about proportionality being considered in prosecutions for situations like these. If person A pushed person B resulting in no injuries or marks then person B retaliated and pushed person A resulting in a head wound that needs stitches then little force was used by person A and an out of proportionally large amount of force was used by person B.
The relative heights/weights/health conditions of both partners would also be considered in deciding proportionality.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 16-Oct-16 16:47:51

A few days a year? A few days too many

As pp have said, a toxic relationship which isn't doing anyone any good. Leave

PoldarksBreeches Sun 16-Oct-16 16:50:48

No relationship is only abusive a few days a year.

Ifounddory Sun 16-Oct-16 16:53:59

There is never an excuse for violence. A few times a year is FAR too many.

No violence is the only acceptable amount of violence in a relationship.

How long has this been going on for? Since the start of the marriage?

If the wife was truly repentant and loved him why did she not get help for her temper years ago? The first time you feel the need to lash out is the time you seek support and help.

It's not right or healthy and I would advise them splitting before it escalates even more.

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