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So apparently he's leaving

(26 Posts)
howtoexplain Sun 16-Oct-16 13:36:11

DH is apparently moving out. He's not spoken to me or DS since last night.

Apparently I owe him an apology for daring to challenge the way he spoke to me.

I can't think what I should do first. Any advice welcome. Ty.

redisthenewblack Sun 16-Oct-16 13:48:18

Pack him a bag and wave him off.

StopShoutingAtYourBrother Sun 16-Oct-16 13:52:55

Same as red.

Sounds like he knows he's in the wrong and rather than be a husband and father and addressing his bad behaviour he's blaming you. Let him go through with his threat. I bet you he won't

EternallyYouthful Sun 16-Oct-16 14:04:10

I don't believe he is going to go.

TheNaze73 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:04:13

Some people have a tipping point & whatever you said has pushed past his. There's surely a bigger picture behind this?

pinkyredrose Sun 16-Oct-16 14:05:40

Tell him you'll see a solicitor tmw and to not forget his toothbrush. He sounds like an arsehole.

howtoexplain Sun 16-Oct-16 14:08:28

I simply asked him why he was talking to me the way he was. DS and I had had a lovely afternoon out and it was almost as though he grudged it

GladAllOver Sun 16-Oct-16 14:20:49

I con't understand people whose immediately say LTB after any problem.

It sounds like we are only hearing a small part of the story. Your DH seems like he has a grievance that may or may not be reasonable. Can't you have an adult discussion about it?

GladAllOver Sun 16-Oct-16 14:21:32

"I can't understand people who "

Longdistance Sun 16-Oct-16 14:24:05

Play devils advocate,

Help him pack his bags for him. He's trying to blackmail you by saying 'I'll leave if I don't get an apology'

He can swivel 🖕🏼

howtoexplain Sun 16-Oct-16 14:32:13

I've tried an adult discussion but he's not wanting to talk.

If he goes what are the practical things I should do? I don't have a clue.

Aderyn2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:39:01

Practical things are to get copies of wage slips, bank statements, pension and savings info. Ensure that you have taken half of any money from joint bank accounts and put it into an account in your name only. Make sure he cannot run up overdrafts etc on joint accounts because you will be legally liable for the debt. If you are main acc holder on a joint credit card then get his name taken off now.
If he does move out and your house is rented then get him off the lease asap. Ig the house is owned and in his sole name then you can get a charge against it to stop him selling from under you. You will need legal advice so see a solicitor who specialises in family law as soon as you can.

GladAllOver Sun 16-Oct-16 14:39:26

In that case let him go. He will very likely want to come back and talk. Don't make any permanent plans until you are sure it's finished - unless of course you don't actually want him back.
Just make sure he's the one who leaves.

howtoexplain Sun 16-Oct-16 14:41:32

Ty all - just don't know what to do first. Or for the best.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 16-Oct-16 14:46:58

I con't understand people whose immediately say LTB after any problem.

Nobody has said that. They've said, "take him at his word". What alternative do you suggest? Begging him to stay? Barricading the door and physicially preventing his departure?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 16-Oct-16 14:51:33

Ask him what time he's leaving.

He has absolutely no intention of going. He's just trying to punish you for being uppity and criticising his Lordship.

It'll blow over IF you want it to. I'd be having serious doubts as to how I managed to saddle myself with such a petulant and immature fart.

Toffeelatteplease Sun 16-Oct-16 14:53:16

make sure you have important documents for you and your son eg passports driving licence birth certificates, in somewhere he can't get to them.

Use your phone to take pictures of pension and bank statements. Back these up to cloud.

Freeze any joint savings with money in or transfer any money into your name. Cancel any overdrafts or credit cards

note down your husbands passport number

loinnir Sun 16-Oct-16 15:10:52

You have done nothing wrong. You do not need to fix it. Leave it, detach - see what he does. Doesn't sound as if you would be too heartbroken if he goes.

www.calmandcourageous.com/stop-apologising-stop-explaining-yourself-self-esteem/

IreallyKNOWiamright Sun 16-Oct-16 19:02:35

Has he been acting differently lately and going out more or working longer.
These little types of behaviours often point to ow. It seems odd he suddenly wants to leave and won't talk.

hermione2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 19:43:32

Don't react.Does he have a history of blaming you?

Are you able to talk or is this a common occurrence?

I think requesting good boundaries is absolutely the right thing to do, ideally you shouldn't have to tell your friend partner that they are disrespectful.

I realised through examples like yours that my relationship was EA.Once you see the pattern it's very difficult to go back as the trust goes.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 19:47:28

Past experience has taught me that he will keep threatening to do it until he actually does it. Do the plaster thing and get it over with.
And don't look back.

howtoexplain Sun 16-Oct-16 23:16:58

Thank you all so much. He's now trying to do the whole being normal thing. I am just so tired.

Aderyn2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 23:31:00

I think you should get copies of all relevant docs anyway, whether he leaves or not and get some money put away into an account in your name. Use this time productively.

tipsytrifle Sun 16-Oct-16 23:49:07

So ... are you tired because this kind of thing happens frequently enough for you to be gasping for air? Is he an emotional drainer in other ways? Does he often speak to you in "that tone of voice?"

MaMaof04 Mon 17-Oct-16 01:11:36

Aderyn is right I think. Sort out the financial aspect. Then
please like al other ladies suggested look through his past behavior
before deciding how to proceed. Some questions:
1- Does he always begrudge you for having good time with your so?
2- Does he feel exluded from your bond?
3- Does he work long stressful hours (that might screw up the way he behaves.)
4- Does he feel that your son is closer to you than to him because you are more with him- and he is often at work?
5- Does he feel 'diminished' in the eyes of his son- good luck

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