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He has moved out.

(9 Posts)
chippybutty Sat 15-Oct-16 14:15:46

Our marriage has been in a mess for a long time. We are both so exhausted. We have no children. We have had a lot of heartache and pain throughout our marriage. We still want children so much. So much of our pain is about our past/ emptiness of having no children. We are due to have ivf very soon.We are both so unhappy though. I jump between wanting ivf- feeling everything will be ok if we have a child and feeling we need to delay it.
Anyway, he's agreed to move out for a week. It's not long but it's a start.
I'm working full time but will have some time to sort my head out. I'm actually relieved he's gone. I love him so much but we are argue so much. I waste so much time feeling awful because of him. Our rows are awful. I sort of just want to relax this week. Have time alone. Rest. Look after myself. Anyone been were I am? Can a week really do anything? We have been through hell-everyone says it's not surprising we are struggling-they are right but going ahead with ivf feels wrong too. We've waited so long for it.

chippybutty Sat 15-Oct-16 14:41:50


Dawndonnaagain Sat 15-Oct-16 14:55:30

I haven't been where you are, but didn't want to read and run. Someone will be along shortly with good advice. flowers

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 15-Oct-16 15:03:11

I would definitely say you shouldn't be going ahead having kids in the relationship if it's already broken but then I guess if it may be your only opportunity for them and you think you could maybe co parent effectively post a split.. I mean any potential DC would I'm sure be happy to exist whether or not their parents are together..

HandyWoman Sat 15-Oct-16 15:08:38

A week apart for some headspace will be good, if you are exhausted, but I don't expect a week off will solve anything in terms of your relationship.

Clearly now is not the right time to start IVF. I think I you need to postpone if you can. It's only going to add more pressure.

It's good that you are relieved he's gone. It's a good sign that a break is the right thing for now. Do you have a good friend who could come over?


chippybutty Sat 15-Oct-16 15:09:47

I really believe he wouldn't be broken anymore if we had a child. He's only in such a bad way coz of everything we have been through. He wants a child so much. We saw a therapist who said that having a child is probably the only thing that would really help us get over our losses.

Obviously, we wouldn't be having the child to help us but I think that might help.

Thanks for posting.

chippybutty Sat 15-Oct-16 15:11:54

He's not gone yet. He's going tomorrow.
I'm relieved he's going though.

No- I'm not planning on telling anyone that he has moved out. We are new to the area and I don't have any friends around here.

MrsH14 Sat 15-Oct-16 16:56:53

Hi chippybutty, myself and dh also have to have IVF to conceive. When we first found out we were both so angry. He dealt with his anger better than I did. I spent every weekend drinking myself into an argument with him even when he hadn't done anything wrong. I was nasty and regretted it ever morning. Sometimes I couldn't remember some of the stuff I said.
It took me a long time to get past the drinking and things have slowly got better.
I do still get into dark places and feel like I need a break from my dh and 'our life'. To be someone else just for a weekend.
I haven't plucked up the courage to do it yet but one day I will.
I'm here if you want to pm x

chippybutty Sat 15-Oct-16 21:20:02

Thanksmrsh14. I've pm'd you. X

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