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Partner's ex-wife has 3 kids with her new partner takes them overnight. please help!

(54 Posts)
Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 13:37:44

Hi there, I am new here and wondered if you could tell me if you think I am being weird or unreasonable?
Long story short. I was with my ex for two years. He has kids and so do I as were were both married to other people once. His ex wife has 3 kids to her new partner and his own children stay half the week with their mum and half with him, their dad, so they see plenty of their half siblings.

My problem is I feel guilty for feeling the situation is too weird. My partner will go up and take his ex-wife's kids out and let them stay for weekends with his own kids! (Ex wife's new partner still lives with her so the kids do have a mum and dad at home lol) He says he is fond of them and they are his kids' half siblings, which I understand....but his kids live half the week with them! We split a few years ago because of this and other things so when he recently asked me out again, I thought he had stopped doing this. I find it very bizzare and odd. Today I learned he is picking his ex's kids up to go to a play area. His own kids are too old for this so won't be there.

Am I the one who is strange for thinking this is very weird? He says he feels sorry for them, but they have a mum and dad. Tonight his own kids and their half siblings will all sleep at his house. He is a good person but I became ill due to the stress of it all before and am wary of getting involved again. Some of his own kids are now adults. He says his ex's kids are cute, funny and he is fond of them. They call him "uncle"......please tell me, is it just me?! Lol. I have a decision to make regarding my future with this man. I don't feel his ex-wife's new children should be staying in his house or going on day trips with him (different if his kids did not see them at all, maybe). Please help!!! 😱😢😒

SecretSpy Sat 15-Oct-16 13:41:26

He sounds like a good dad. With a good relationship with the ex.

If it's not working for you, then you have options. You say they stay at 'his house' so it sounds like you're not living together?

furryminkymoo Sat 15-Oct-16 13:42:07

I think that it's lovely that he has a relationship with these children. I know a man who takes his children's infant sibling (his ex's new baby) out with his girls.

Goingtobeawesome Sat 15-Oct-16 13:47:52

I think you should definitely not get back with this man. He's doing a wonderful job of making sure all the children feel equal and he should be snapped up by someone who can see how great he, and the ex wife and her dh all are in that they are happy to share the children.

benbry Sat 15-Oct-16 13:50:05

Are you hinting that it's (he's) a bit "dodgy"? If not, he just sounds nice.

Keeptrudging Sat 15-Oct-16 13:52:00

It doesn't work for you. That's all you need to consider. I think it's lovely that he does this, not weird. Unusual, but he's clearly a very caring man. I don't think he needs to change what he does, your just not that compatible.

Keeptrudging Sat 15-Oct-16 13:52:21


witsender Sat 15-Oct-16 13:59:34

I don't see the problem either. It speaks well of him tbh.

They're children, what's the problem?

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:29:42

Thanks everyone for your answers. I forgot to mention he doesn't speak to his ex at all. They speak through their kids, so he is never in her house. He waits outside. No, we don't live together but was thinking of down the line if we we do, if I could cope with 10 children in total, 3 of which are his ex-wife and her new partner's. I suppose it might work for some and it is kind of him. He is very caring. It's just not my thing...the ex-wife is still very much in control despite no direct talking. Anyway, thanks again for all your views. I appreciate your time smile

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Oct-16 14:31:32

I thought it was fine until you said he doesn't speak to their mother. That is just too weird.

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:34:04

Wow. I came on feeling quite low and did expect a little bit of kindness, and most were but I re-read the message about someone else appreciating I only asked for views to help clear my mind, not aspersions on my character lol. Btw, thanks to all who were kind. I needed that today smile xo

kilmuir Sat 15-Oct-16 14:35:44

It's weird

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:37:04

Sorry, I am a bit off today! Can't think. No he detests the woman...but likes her partner and is fb friends with him. He and she send messages through their older kids :-/

kilmuir Sat 15-Oct-16 14:38:29

If I was the new partner ( the kids dad) I would not let them go to his. Especially as the mother of kids and your partner don't speak!

HerRoyalNotness Sat 15-Oct-16 14:38:40

I would find it weird as well. He's being used for child free time by the ex. Especially weird if he takes her other kids out and his kids aren't even there.

Tbh, if this is what broke you up before, and it hasn't changedX it's not going to work this time. Cut your losses and move on.

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:39:42

No lol. He is lovely. A great person. I just don't get the need to feel responsible for her kids with her new partner whom she is still with
I feel as parents, they should be looking after their kids. His own children see their siblings each day and spend half the week with them smile

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 15-Oct-16 14:40:22

Aspersions on your character?! Don't be ridiculous. Clearly the majority think that he's being a nice guy, you don't think so therefore it's natural to suggest you don't appreciate what is perceived as a sign of good character.

Personally I think it's bloody lovely of him to make them all feel like part of a family, and for him to give the little ones treats.

Lunar1 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:42:23

It's fine for him to do this if they are all happy with it and it sounds like a long term arrangement. It's also fine for you to not like it, I wouldn't either. It just means he is not the man for you, you can't expect him to change for you over this.

viques Sat 15-Oct-16 14:42:41

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:43:02

Sorry, I'm not sure yet how to reply to each person so have done it wrong. I do find it odd, despite him being a wonderful man. I have my own family to think of and don't want them confused...."oh those three children are blah blah's siblings from when their mum got a new partner. They are going to stay with us at weekends" (eventually). Thanks again everyone xo

MyEternalSunshine Sat 15-Oct-16 14:43:15

I can see how it's nice for the kids, but I would find it weird. I would not get back together with this man. If only for the reason that a detrimental part of your original break up is still very much happening! It's also even weirder he doesn't speak to this ex wife but has all of her children under his care at certain times confused I'd keep away if I was you OP x

Aoife222 Sat 15-Oct-16 14:45:25

Thanks, Viques....they set Mumsnet was great for advice. I am shocked at such personal insults when I only asked for advice from other mothers. I will take thread off and wish you well. Thanks, at least, for taking the time to reply :-/

Gymnopedies Sat 15-Oct-16 14:48:56

Why does he feel sorry for them?
Is the ex-wife a narcissist (long shot but worth a think)?

FourToTheFloor Sat 15-Oct-16 14:54:03

Don't worry Aoife, lots of people on here are nice. Some like on your thread always want to have a dig at OP.

It's weird and would be a deal breaker for me. The odd stay over with the half siblings is nice - every week is bloody weird.

Matrixreloaded Sat 15-Oct-16 15:13:52

It's weird to be so invested in someone else's children. I can't imagine what my husband's response would be if I suggested our kids regularly spend time with my ex.

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