I have previously posted about splitting from my narcissistic and abusive DH of 12 years. We have three DC.
I decided this summer that I wanted out. All love and respect had gone from our relationship, and I wanted my children to be spared from our arguments and general crap we were giving them.
I am living in the marital home with the DC. He has moved to the flat above the coffee shop we ran. He has gone back to his own country to see his family and has been gone for around three weeks, and probably won't be back until next month.
I am currently looking after the DC, running the business and looking after the home, all with no help from any family (parents deceased, no siblings). I am slowly but surely feeling myself burning out. I saw the GP this week who is considering increasing my dosage of Fluoxetine because basically, I am a wreck.
STBX phoned yesterday and of course it ended up in another argument and by the end of the phonecall, I was so emotionally upset that I was shaking. He guilts by saying that all he has ever done is the right thing by the children and I, yet he can't recognise the fact that I have nothing but hate left inside me for how is has worn me down all these years. I never knew I could go from 'loving' someone to feeling nothing but hatred.
I'm not sure what I'm getting out of this post, but I hate how that even though we have split, I am still feeling so down, exhausted and negative. I am waking all hours of the night, having heart palpitations and living like a zombie. I just want to relax and be happy and find the old me again, but he has destroyed every ounce of my confidence, self esteem and hope
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Split leaving me not knowing myself
8 replies
fivetosix · 15/10/2016 07:22
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