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Should I dump my super clingy new boyfriend

(56 Posts)
amypie86 Fri 14-Oct-16 21:55:10

I posted a little while ago about a new guy I was seeing and here I am again about the same guy.

I decided to give him more of a chance and things did improve for a short while. My problem is that he wants to see me EVERY SINGLE DAY that I have off work. EVERY DAY!!!!! I feel so stressed out because I'm not getting any free time to do things, I feel constantly busy because if I'm not busy at work I'm busy seeing him. I work shifts (days and nights) and he will even want to see me in the day when I've got a night shift later on.

He will text me saying 'Am I seeing you today?' when we haven't made any plans to, I'll make an excuse and then he'll text me asking if he's seeing me tomorrow. It's absolutely suffocating me.

The problem is he keeps trying to make me feel sorry for him about how he's 'lost everything in his life' (his parents died when he was young), he says he has nothing to live for and is generally quite depressing at times. He seems to mainly talk about this stuff when he can sense I'm being a bit cold. He knows I've been off with him recently and hasn't acknowledged it, I just feel like he's so desperate for a relationship he isn't willing to face any problems out of fear of it ending. I know he had only been single for a maximum of two months before speaking to me and he'd been engaged.

I just want my own space, I have said to him I want to have a big clear out this weekend at my house and he's text me asking if I'm seeing him. Why can't he just accept I've got other stuff to do apart from seeing him? I've been seeing him for just over 8 weeks so it's not normal to want to spend every waking minute together is it? We haven't even had sex for a month because I just have no desire to sleep with him anymore.

I feel so guilty at the thought of dumping him, mainly because of all his depressing talk about how he's cursed and nothing goes right for him. He has actually treated me really well and I don't know if I'm being a bitch by having a problem with how much he wants to see me. I know that other guys have wanted to see me this much and I've been loving it so it's probably more that I'm just not into it. He's told his family about me and wants to take me to a family gathering this month, but I think he just wants a girlfriend I don't know if it's particularly 'me' that he's into. He just needs someone to fill that gap.

I can sometimes beat myself up about things like this and convince myself I've done the wrong thing. He does treat me well but he's so full on and clingy I just don't think I can carry on, it's killed it in a way. Even speaking to him about how I feel probably won't help, it's gone too far for me.

I just needed to rant. Am I being a total bitch?

MsMarvel Fri 14-Oct-16 21:57:55

Youve been seeing him 8 weeks and youve not has sex in a month because you don't want to have sex with him any more.

That says it all and definitely is a sign to call it quits 8 weeks in.

13umpuu Fri 14-Oct-16 22:13:12

I think you've answered your own question - hisbehaviour is suffocating, you don't want to sleep with him and he's stressing you out - best call it a day asap

category12 Fri 14-Oct-16 22:14:29

You gotta pull yourself together and break it off. You shouldn't be with someone out of pity. Dump him already, you are not responsible for his happiness or unhappiness. He needs therapy and you are not his therapist.

Millionreasons Fri 14-Oct-16 22:17:28

You don't owe him anything and his acting all needy is putting you off. I would call it a day before you waste any more time.

MsVestibule Fri 14-Oct-16 23:05:49

Good god woman, give me his number, I'll dump him for you!

You've been dating for 8 weeks, haven't had sex for half of that, he's whiny, self-obsessed, clingy and doesn't really care about what you want.

Please, please dump him.

RosebudWasHisSledge Fri 14-Oct-16 23:10:21

I've been seeing him for just over 8 weeks so it's not normal to want to spend every waking minute together is it?

Actually not uncommon at that stage if you are in throws of lust!!! It's the only time you do want to spend every waking minute together!

You aren't suited so you need to dump him. His personality is turning you off.

8 weeks and you haven't had sex for half of that period?!? What's the point?

Do both of you a favour and end it now.

PsychedelicSheep Sat 15-Oct-16 00:15:24

Do you really have to ask? Really?

You don't even like the guy! Yes dump him for fucks sake!

LellyMcKelly Sat 15-Oct-16 00:33:05

Oh god - ditch him now. If he's like this at 8 weeks imagine what he'll be like in 5 or 10 years. You're wasting your own time and his time if it's not going anywhere, and by the sounds of things it's not going anywhere. At 8 weeks in you should be walking bow legged from all the shagging, not trying to avoid him.

Janey50 Sat 15-Oct-16 00:41:38

No,you are not being a bitch OP. If you don't want to sleep with him any more after just 2 months,that is not a good sign. If you are sick of him now after such a short time,imagine how you are going to feel in a year's time if you stay with him because you feel sorry for him. Try to find the courage to make the break now. Believe me,the sooner you do so,the easier it will be all round. The longer you leave it,the more difficult it is.

WhoKnewSeamus Sat 15-Oct-16 00:44:11

I feel so guilty at the thought of dumping him,
Dump him. FAST.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 15-Oct-16 00:46:42

Fuck sake, just call time on it, it's not working for you, doesn't have to be a big teenage dramathon, just say the words.

dovesong Sat 15-Oct-16 00:48:01

Dump him, it'll feel like heaven when you do. Like taking off a heavy rucksack or uncomfortable shoes.

HobnailsandTaffeta Sat 15-Oct-16 00:48:27

It's 8 weeks in and you don't like him!!

People, women mainly, me included fall into the guilt/nurturing trap where we feel it's our duty to care for others, our responsibility, and wanting what we want is "selfish" and we are "being a bitch"

I'm still doing it with my stbxh after 20 years, you are 8 weeks in, run for the hills!

CalmItKermitt Sat 15-Oct-16 00:48:31

Omg. Dump him. It's not going to get any better.

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You owe him nothing.

Sadmummytrapped Sat 15-Oct-16 00:48:46

Dump him now. My dp was like this at the start and nothing has changed even though we live together. Plus now things are even more compmicated as we have children and he still plays the guilt card whenever i try to leave. If you want to keep your sanity do it now before it gets harder! Or like me its 10yrs later and your sat thinking wtf am i doing!

TheNaze73 Sat 15-Oct-16 00:49:50

He sounds horrendous. Ditch the man now

FetchezLaVache Sat 15-Oct-16 00:51:50

You're overthinking this. You're not being a bitch - you don't owe him a relationship just because he's a man and he's paid you the incredible compliment of wanting to be with you, and I don't actually think he does treat you that well if his treatment of you makes you wish to avoid his penis.

QuarterMileAtATime Sat 15-Oct-16 08:20:25

grin Well put, Fetchez

Cakedoesntjudge Sat 15-Oct-16 08:33:17

I dated a guy like that a couple of years back and only lasted 4 weeks so kudos on the extra 4 grin

But yes, definitely dump him, it's not going to work out. If you feel that bad about it look at it as every day he spends concentrating on you is another day he might miss out on someone who is genuinely suited to him, that way you're just doing the kind thing by letting him go wink

Just rip off the band aid and get it over and done with! IME clingy people don't ease up over time.

AyeAmarok Sat 15-Oct-16 08:38:21

You are actually being quite unfair to him.

By dragging this out longer!

You don't like him. Set him free to meet someone else, someone who likes this insane neediness - there's a woman out there for him!

1wokeuplikethis Sat 15-Oct-16 08:42:13

Oh you're the one who hated his stretch marks aren't you. Although you hadn't slept with him, you'd just seen him in shorts at the spa hmm

I reckon creating two posts in one week about being repulsed and now suffocated by him should give you your answer.

balence49 Sat 15-Oct-16 08:59:00

Dump him! And enjoy your weekend knowing you swerved a bullet there.
Bottle of wine, music, get the clear out done including him!

AyeAmarok Sat 15-Oct-16 09:01:26

Oh, if you are the stretchmark poster then you really are being a total dick for not ending this and going your separate ways.

AnyFucker Sat 15-Oct-16 09:02:15

What is the point of asking here ? You didn't take the advice you were clearly given last time.

Stop wasting our time and get a fucking grip.

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