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OW says she has just miscarried

(102 Posts)
Notgoingtobeamug Thu 13-Oct-16 20:46:04

I can't think straight. DP and I separated a few months ago after he admitted he had been having an 8 month affair.

We started talking again, he stopped seeing OW about a month ago and we were tentatively discussing a way to maybe move forward with our relationship. We have a 3 year old DS and had been together for 13 years.

She contacted him 2 days ago saying she was miscarrying his baby. He has only just told me (in front of our DS).

I've walked out the room and shut myself upstairs. He is angry at me as he says it's hard for him, that he told me as he needed friendly support!

He just came upstairs. I told him I dont think she was ever pregnant, she posts her whole life on Instagram and only yesterday was she arranging to go out clubbing this weekend.

She is 12 years younger than us and plays ridiculous games on social media and she basically taunted me when He left me for her.

I know it's bad but I told him if it is true then I can't support him in his sadness and that if I'm honest, I'm glad she miscarried. I know that's horrid, but he has put me through hell for so long. I've worked so hard at recovering myself from the damage he caused by the affair, with him rubbing her in my face when he left and publicly humiliatin me, I can't believe that he nearly just had a child with her.

I feel terrible having these thoughts but I dont know what to say or do. I feel sick.

Starryeyed16 Thu 13-Oct-16 20:48:01

Op why did you get back with him?

mydietstartsmonday Thu 13-Oct-16 20:48:02

You are only human and I agree with your suspect she wasn't pregnant

Ginmakesitallok Thu 13-Oct-16 20:48:24

He needs friendly support?? shock He needs to fucking wise up!

MatildaTheCat Thu 13-Oct-16 20:49:52

I'm so sorry but he doesn't sound wholly committed to your relationship if he wants your sympathy here. Whether she was pregnant or not it's completely unreasonable to expect a shred of regret or sadness from you.

He needs to do some more thinking about his actions and priorities.

Willow33 Thu 13-Oct-16 20:50:34

I am so sorry to hear what he has put you through and then expects you to give you friendly support!
Are you sure you want to still be with him?

AmberEars Thu 13-Oct-16 20:51:38

Has he no empathy?? Did he honestly not realise how hard it would be for you to hear that?

BastardGoDarkly Thu 13-Oct-16 20:51:54

He wants support?!

Nah, fuck off, I couldn't do that either.

And I'd be furious that he said that in front of ds?!

Really is all about him isn't it?

BantyCustards Thu 13-Oct-16 20:52:32

He needed your friendly support?

FFS I've heard it all now.

Notgoingtobeamug Thu 13-Oct-16 20:52:39

I got back with him because I missed him, because he was my best friend and I loved him. I felt like I owed us a chance to see if we could repair.

Whilst we were apart I did recognise that some of his terrible behaviour was down to my actions (not the affair- there was no excuse for that) but it snowballed after i didn't obtain help for a problem I had.

I admitted to him I can't handle him getting her pregnant, I always wanted a second child but didn't as our relationship was so fragile after DS.

My heart is pounding.

neonrainbow Thu 13-Oct-16 20:53:42

You're glad she's having a miscarriage? That's monstrous.

He will cheat on you again. He's the problem, not her.

AyeAmarok Thu 13-Oct-16 20:54:57

It's understandable you feel as you do.

But it really, really doesn't sound like it's a good idea for you to get back with him.

This is too much for you to deal with, and he clearly has absolutely no consideration for what he's done to you by cheating.

Don't sell yourself so short.

Colchestergal Thu 13-Oct-16 20:55:08

What an arsehole! Kick him back into the gutter, hold your head high and move on with your life. He is a selfish dick.


BantyCustards Thu 13-Oct-16 20:55:15


He is completely responsible for his actions. He had a choice over how he reacted to your not getting help.

PoldarksBreeches Thu 13-Oct-16 20:56:29

Why is she monstrous? Why shouldn't she hope that her husband doesn't end up the father of another woman's child?
I've had a very traumatic miscarriage and I don't find that comment monstrous at all.

Arfarfanarf Thu 13-Oct-16 20:57:12

Oh poor you darling let me cuddle you why you cry about how sad you are that the woman you were fucking behind my back tells you she's lost your baby.

Is he fucking insane?

He wants your support and sympathy?

What else? Maybe he'd like you to go round to hers with a bunch of flowers and a fucking casserole.

He's delusional.

It's your choice to stay with him of course but you dont have to, if that's not what you want.

Figgygal Thu 13-Oct-16 20:57:27

Forget about her whether she was or wasn't pregnant doesn't actually matter but He told you in front of your ds? Unforgivable!!

CocktailQueen Thu 13-Oct-16 20:59:09

He told you in front of ds?
And he wants your support?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Op, he clearly doesn't sound as if he's committed to you or your relationship.

I'd think a lot about this. Do YOU want him back? You might be a lot happier without him.

Colchestergal Thu 13-Oct-16 20:59:13

Your heart is pounding because you are in shock.

Don't stay with him. He's treating you like a mug and walking all over you. You deserve better.

You may have felt that your previous behaviour contributed towards your relationship breaking down but ultimately you didn't force him to shag someone else. He decided to do that.


bloodyteenagers Thu 13-Oct-16 20:59:58

He wanted friendly support and is now angry with you because you walked away? What fucking planet does he live on?

I would be telling to fuck off. He can go and find friendly support from someone else, because you owe him nothing. He should have thought about who he would get support from when he decided to go and disrespect you by fucking someone else. He should have thought about friendly support when he was jeopardising your health by having unprotected sex. Really hope that you have had yourself checked over.

It doesn't matter where you was at the time, this was no reason at all for him to find someone else. He should have thought without his dick and been there for you.

FourToTheFloor Thu 13-Oct-16 21:00:19

Neon you're empathy radar us pointed the wrong way. The OW taunted OP, why the fuck shouldn't she be glad there's no child.

It's fine to blame him but ow takes half the blame IMO for also being an arsehole.

Notgoingtobeamug Thu 13-Oct-16 21:00:20

I'm not glad as such that she is having a miscarriage, I'm glad she is no longer pregnant with his child - if she ever was!! I genuinely feel terrible for thinking it but no, I do t want her to have a child with him. I don't want my DS having a sibling this way!!!

She has been posting on her Instagram about going out clubbing this weekend, looking good in a bikini and how she wants to be taken out for breakfast dates- that's all in the last 24 hours.

Whilst they were publicly together she would post photos every day of them kissing, how he was her best friend, that he was spoiling her. She put awful social media updates. She is 25 and leads her whole life on social media.

ImperialBlether Thu 13-Oct-16 21:03:03

I couldn't have lived with that, OP - the way she's been with their relationship. No way. I wouldn't want him back - you're treating him like a prize and he's really, really not.

headinhands Thu 13-Oct-16 21:08:50

The love of your life doesn't get other people pregnant.

Op, respect yourself.

Notgoingtobeamug Thu 13-Oct-16 21:10:25

I didn't think I was being delusional at all, I didn't think he was a prize. We have talked and talked and u thought we could try. That's all. I knew it would be hard, I was under no illusion it would be happy families.

I'm so angry at him, for having un protected sex, for doing something that would have been a permanent part of my sons family. My son could have ended up with a sibling all because he couldn't be arsed to wear a condom!!

And he expects me to support him?? I said what would he do if he was me and he said he would be sympathetic! No chance.

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