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Just found out he's having an affair..

(185 Posts)
3yearsnosleep Thu 13-Oct-16 17:07:33

Saw the texts and emails. He's going round in the morning apparently 'to make her blush'. She's his mates wife. What do I do???? Feel sick and have 2 little ones to look after.

TangledUpInGin Thu 13-Oct-16 17:11:31

I'm so sorry - I'd personally ask him to leave and give you space to digest what you've found. It's a terrible shock and you'll no doubt feel terrible. Concentrate on your little ones for the minute. I realise how hard that'll be, but it's minute by minute at the moment flowers

BastardGoDarkly Thu 13-Oct-16 17:12:29

Jesus Christ love, you must be reeling.
Someone much more wise will be along in a minute, with advice on protecting yourself financially.

For now, is there anyone that you can call? Are the kids with you? Could you drop them at your mums? Get your head together.
Later id pack his fucking bags and forward msgs to her husband, but that might not be the best thing, just what id do.

Pickled0nions Thu 13-Oct-16 17:12:46

flowers What a shit thing to have seen sad

Are you married?

Emmageddon Thu 13-Oct-16 17:13:14

Tell his mate. I would. Look after yourself, is there anyone in RL that could come round and give you some moral support/help with the DCs?

Pickled0nions Thu 13-Oct-16 17:15:25

I was going to say tell his mate.. But I thought that might cause more issues. I do think you should tell him though.

adora1 Thu 13-Oct-16 17:15:26

Can you get someone to watch the kids and go see a friend or a good family member to confide in, you need someone you can talk to and should not be on your own.

What a bastard, bags packed for him returning and do not accept anything less, the problem with a lot of women on here is that they pretend it was nothing, nothing happened really and carry on without even giving the person a consequence, you wouldn't accept your daughter being treated like that so the same should apply to you.

What a nasty thing to do, really horrible, I feel for you OP, get that friend round now to lean on.

No doubt you will get the, can't believe what I did, I am so sorry, won't happen again, don't know what came over me, crap, all of it, just a way of trying to wriggle out of being a complete bastard.

SandyY2K Thu 13-Oct-16 17:18:14

Tell his mate and get end it.

SandyY2K Thu 13-Oct-16 17:18:49


Tell his mate and end it that should say.

SansasEscape Thu 13-Oct-16 17:21:49

I'd tell the mate too.

Happybunny19 Thu 13-Oct-16 17:22:11

Totally agree with the above, tell his mate and watch him squirm, then pack his bag and leave it outside the front door. So sorry op

3yearsnosleep Thu 13-Oct-16 17:22:13

Oh shit I can't believe this. I don't want to tell anyone. I do want to tell his mate. We're not married. Been together 10 years and kids are 3 and 3 months. Where do I stand financially and custody wise???

Simonneilsbeard Thu 13-Oct-16 17:22:14

What a bombshell! I can only imagine how
You must be feeling right now flowers
Get as much rl support as you can and as others have said forward the emails to the friend! I definitely would

finova Thu 13-Oct-16 17:23:07

Get everything in order first. Make sure you are sorted before confronting him.

finova Thu 13-Oct-16 17:23:46

Get legal advice ASAP and don't let on you know. Feign a migraine or something x

BastardGoDarkly Thu 13-Oct-16 17:24:15

Are you the primary carer? Do you own your home?

smileyhappypeople Thu 13-Oct-16 17:26:47

What I'd want to do is call his mate and then act normal today and you can both go and catch them in the act in the morning! Then there's no chance for it was nothing, nothing happened, it was just texts etc etc etc.

Having said that what I'd really probably do with baby who's 3 months old is cry my eyes out and wonder how it even happened.
He has turned your world upside down, you need some rl support and lots of hugs!

Emmageddon Thu 13-Oct-16 17:28:28

Your children deserve better than this and so do you. Don't tell anyone if you don't want to. I would still tell his mate Confront HIM though. Tell him you know and you want him gone. Make an appointment at CAB and ask them re custody and child support and financial arrangements.

smileyhappypeople Thu 13-Oct-16 17:28:36

If you are thinking practically though then others are right, seek legal advice first. Probably easier said than done after 5pm though.

leaveittothediva Thu 13-Oct-16 17:30:22

I'm so sorry, that's flipping outrageous. His mates wife, the bloody cheek of them both. You really need a trusted family member to talk to, someone calm, that lets you make your own decisions. That will let you get your head together on how to proceed. He really is a f*****g snake though, that's so low. I'd be tempted to tell his mate, but not advisable with the 2 little one's, tempers will flare. Wishing you well. flowers

3yearsnosleep Thu 13-Oct-16 17:30:33

I'm the primary carer and the house is jointly mortgaged. Think I'll get the kids in bed then calmly ask him to pack a bag and leave. I'd love to catch them in the act but all I know is he'll be there in the morning. I have printed the emails and sent them to myself. When do I tell the mate? Now or later???

Janey50 Thu 13-Oct-16 17:30:39

My first thought here was 'tell his mate!'.

BastardGoDarkly Thu 13-Oct-16 17:35:19

You're in a good position as joint owner of the house, and main carer.

I'm not prying, but are the emails definitive, not just the 'ill make you blush in the morning' one? There's no possibility of a misunderstanding?

TheNaze73 Thu 13-Oct-16 17:35:37

Unforgivable. What sort of wanker does that to a mate??? Kick him into touch

mrschatty Thu 13-Oct-16 17:36:42

Op flowers in his emails etc is it clear that there having an affair could there be any confusion??

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