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Ex boyfriend is confusing me

(13 Posts)
Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 12:12:44

Hi everyone! Took all the advice and went NC with my ex and I have really spent a lot of time working on me and enjoying university. Things are getting better! I'm finally happy!

The last time me and the ex spoke about the relationship he was saying it's hard for him and me saying I had feelings doesn't make it easier. He's focusing on religion now and I asked if we'd get a second chance and he said "I can't predict the future but wouldn't think so" he wants to be "friends"

Anyway, that was last month, start of this month he's been texting me every week! And talking about memories and the past, inside jokes we had. Asking me a lot of questions about what I'm doing etc. Like as soon as I've left him alone he's messaging me.

I don't tend to reply because it sets me moving on back.

Could someone give me an insight into this behaviour because to me it's really weird for him to act like this. He dumped me lol.

Thanks guys and big hugs xxx

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 13-Oct-16 12:23:23

I have seen this before with men who think they are God's gift to womankind (and also believe themselves to be a league above their ex-gf).

Her not wanting him is simply unacceptable. She should be crying and begging for him. If she is not, that is bad for his crazy self esteem. He reels her back in so he can be reassured that he is indeed the love god. Then he chucks her again. Often with claims of her being "needy". Often going NC with her and telling his friends he had to, when the reality is that he just couldn't tolerate any evidence of her ignoring him or being quite alright thanks mate.

Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 12:25:01

@RunRabbitRunRabbit he wasn't like that so I have no idea! Your post made me laugh though haha!

Simonneilsbeard Thu 13-Oct-16 12:36:53

The way I'm reading this is that he's keeping you on the back burner just in case he feels like picking up where you guys left off tbh

Cabrinha Thu 13-Oct-16 12:38:20

Just because someone was a boyfriend, doesn't mean they'll make a good friend.

Even if neither party has any ulterior motive - it just doesn't always work as friends.
You're actually under no obligation to be friends - especially if it stops you moving on.

When he says "I wouldn't think so" to a second chance, he's simply too gutless to say "no, definitely not". Either because he's nice and thinks he's softening the blow - or because he's an arse who wants to keep you on side.
Thing is, you should NEVER date someone who isn't climbing over hot coals for you.

So - there is no romantic future for you.
If you're not 100% happy with that, stop speaking to him - you can't be friends. And I mean 100%. Not all "oh I'm so cool I can handle friends, secretly hoping by staying in his life he'll realise he made a mistake" wink

If you genuinely want only to be friends, then do so.
If you want more, then tell him that in the circumstances friendship isn't going to work for you, goodbye and good luck. Then ignore his nostalgia trip texts!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 13-Oct-16 12:38:55

I wouldn't give him any headspace. Tell him not to contact you again. Then block his number. He doesn't get to create stress and drama in your life anymore. Anything but blocking is asking for trouble.

Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:04:54

I'll have to do the dreaded dripfeed! He is very straight worded and honest if there wasn't a chance he would say definitely not. He's odd

I'm moving on each day at a time and I've replied to 1/4 texts so I'm getting there. I don't see why he's doing it that's the annoying thing. He isn't the type to keep me there just in case

Simonneilsbeard Thu 13-Oct-16 13:19:47

Well you know him better than strangers on the Internet in fairness
maybe ask him why he's behaving that way.
Many of us have seen that kind of behaviour and experienced it first hand, a guy dumps you, he knows you have feelings for him, he sees that you're moving on and he starts to reel you back in with the texts reminding you how good your relationship was ..classic dick move
But like I said ask him

Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:24:35

Hi! I'm torn, I want to know but I don't want to actually ask if that makes sense. I don't want him to know it's bothering me

Finola1step Thu 13-Oct-16 13:27:53

It is probably quite simple. He is doing this because he thinks he can and he hasn't really thought about the impact on your feelings. Sorry.

doji Thu 13-Oct-16 13:56:29

Men sometimes do this because although they don't want the relationship they like the emotional support they got when having a girlfriend. Generally women have other relationships in their life that can offer this, wheras men can be quite conditioned into not being emotionally open around others.

It's not that different from the guys that dump you but keep coming back for sex. Basically he wants his needs met, but isnt willing to meet yours. He'll stop when he meets someone else. You need to go properly NC, there is no being friends with someone like this until you are truly over him. Ask him to give you some space and then block him.

Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 14:00:51

I'm gonna thank you. He's told everyone he's not ready for anyone else and doesn't want anyone else so ill have to block or I'm in for a long ride lol

Gracey1231 Thu 13-Oct-16 14:17:39

He even got good news about his job and just like old times I was the first to know.

I'm enjoying moving on I even had a date

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