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What to do!

(9 Posts)
user1476356864 Thu 13-Oct-16 12:12:06

Ladies I need some advice.

I'm really confused at the moment as to whether I want to be with my partner. We have been together nearly 3 years and have a 9 month old son.

For the first few months of my sons being born my partner was not very supportive, he has a hobby that takes up a lot of his time and he was out doing this 3/4 sometimes 5 times a week. It got so bad and he couldn't see a problem at all which eventually led to us nearly breaking up about 2 months ago, however we talked things through and are trying again. Since then, things have been slightly better and he does help more.

The other issue is money spending- he has racked up £2000 on his credit card on three occasions now, the last two times we have agreed to use the joint account to settle the balance however this time I have said its his responsibility to pay it off as we don't even have enough in the joint account to cover it now. The credit card money was all spent on things to do with his hobby (whilst I'm here on maternity pay saving every penny I can so that we can afford Christmas and a holiday next year)

Even though things have been better in the last two months and I decided not to leave in the end, I honestly do feel that the only reason I'm here is my son and I don't feel like I'm 'in love' with my partner any more although I do love and care about him. Part of me feels like I want to leave but I'm so scared that I'll regret it. If I did leave we would have to sell our house which seems very scary and like there would be no way back.

We argue a lot and at the moment I don't feel massively unhappy but I am in no way 'happy' if that makes sense.

Can anyone please give me some advice, I feel like there's so much going through my mind I can't even think about it clearly.
Thanks xx

adora1 Thu 13-Oct-16 12:21:13

Your mind would be a lot clearer if you never had to worry about this man child, he sounds incredibly selfish, helps you, with his own bloody child, that's big of him and as for the financial abuse.

Sorry OP, sell up and start again, you can do it no problem, I don't see him changing, I just see more grief for you, nobody is trapped in an unhappy relationship, you do have a choice.

Pipthedog Thu 13-Oct-16 12:24:37

Hobbies are something you do with your spare time/spare cash. If you have to sacrifice family time/cash then your balance is most definitely wrong. Doing it once is stupid, doing it more is entirely selfish and the mark of someone who doesn't 'get' what a family is about.

It wouldn't be unreasonable in light of these to tell him it's family or hobby.

And take the credit card off him.....

OhTheRoses Thu 13-Oct-16 12:28:54

If you have to ask, I think you know the answer!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 13-Oct-16 12:36:15

Get out now before he gets you into any more debt.

I honestly do feel that the only reason I'm here is my son You argue a lot, he is unsupportive, he spends money and time you can't afford on a hobby, you are not happy. How is that an environment you want to keep your DS in?

I doubt there is a way back. The repeated reckless spending shows that he is not interested in doing what is right for himself, never mind you and the baby.

user1476356864 Fri 14-Oct-16 11:09:24

You are all right I know that. I think my problem is finding the courage to do it.. The problem isn't even fear of being 'on my own' it's more that I'll regret it and feel like I've made a huge mistake.
Thank you all for your advice it really does help to hear an outsiders point of view. X

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Oct-16 11:17:41

I really don't think you'd regret leaving him. He's going to land you in a lot of debt, he's out most of the time and there are arguments when he's in. It would be like being on holiday without him.

AnyFucker Fri 14-Oct-16 11:26:56

Leaving this selfish lazy shit would never be a mistake

HuskyLover1 Fri 14-Oct-16 11:27:59

It's a very scary thing to do. But one day you will feel ready. It took me 4 years to build up the courage to leave my first husband. I found out he was a serial cheat, and it still took me 4 years! We were together 20 yrs.

Am now re-married and very happy.

You can do it. But it will be on your own timescales, iyswim.

Maybe try a trial separation, with you staying in the house. See what it feels like.

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