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Sociopath ex

(7 Posts)
SanDiegoSunsets Wed 12-Oct-16 21:23:54

I met a guy a year ago this month. We only dated for 3 months but in that time he told me he was crazy about me, took me out to shows and restaurants, away to romantic cities, talked about getting married and having children together, moving back to the country he came from...
It didn't last long as I was noticing some serious cracks in his story, things didn't add up, he started acting a little controlling and I questioned things... he didn't like that and acted very odd. Like I'd really hurt him and he couldn't get over it. Had to break up with me as he couldn't build a future with someone who didn't trust him, blah blah blah.
I was heart broken for a short while as I actually believed he loved me, that he was "the one". Then I got in touch with his ex. There was always something bothering me about the things he said about their relationship and it turned out he had said the same things to her, done the same things with her, acted the same way. He'd lied and acted strange and broken her child's heart the same way he did with mine. My friend said he sounded like a sociopath (lovebombing, gaslighting etc) and I think she's right... There were some very striking similarities between me and the ex too - very similar looks, jobs, children. It all seemed a bit strange.
A year on and my brother is still 'friends' with him - they occasionally keep in touch thru a shared interest and have gone out with the same group a couple of times over the year. I wasn't particularly happy about this but I've not let it bother me.
The bit that is bothering me is his new gf. They've been together a few months now. She has the same job as me (and the ex), looks like me (and the ex), has one child with the same background as mine and the exes... She seems to come from a well off family so he's going to hold onto this one. I shouldn't look but I have - he's now friends on social media with her brother and brother in law. Getting his claws in...
For as long as I've known about them, I've wanted to tell her what he's really like. I don't want another one of us to get used and heart broken. And I hate the thought of her child getting hurt like mine and his other exes did. So far I haven't done anything , said anything. Maybe you'll all tell me I shouldn't and I won't. I just feel partly responsible knowing what he's like and not saying anything. I always wished I'd spoken to his ex before I got with him. She said she wished she'd had someone to warn her what he was really like. He's charming and convincing and scary and I don't know what's the right thing to do...

quicklydecides Wed 12-Oct-16 21:29:19

Maybe she'll have more sense than you.
How ever did you put your child in the position of having their"heart broken" by your boy friend of just a few months??
You should barely have been introducing them.
Learn from your own mistake and don't worry about any one else's.
Stop stalking him, stop thinking about him.
He doesn't matter to you now, move on.

keepingonrunning Thu 13-Oct-16 00:04:19

Maybe she'll have more sense than you.
It's commendable you want to forewarn her. The problem is the risk that new gf will "shoot the messenger" because she doesn't want anyone to burst her loved-up bubble. Also, it is very likely XP will tell her to ignore you because you are a jealous, bitter ex.
It's hard knowing a sociopath will move from one trusting partner to the next their whole lives, destroying those people's self-esteem and/or reputation as they go.

TheNaze73 Thu 13-Oct-16 00:09:15

I think you need to let go and learn your own lessons from your mistakes of rushing in

ocelot7 Thu 13-Oct-16 00:27:54

I think you should leave her alone.

Conflictedoncemore Thu 13-Oct-16 00:36:05

Hi there OP - I've experinced/am experiencing some of the same treatment as you've outlined above. Firstly, I'm sorry you've had to go through this mental torture. It can be soul destroying. Secondly, I understand your desire to protect others from being hurt, I've been there and got the t-shirt. Unfortunately it's unlikely that his new girlfriend will believe you, sociopaths are masters of deceit and charm, anything you say he will turn and twist so that it appears you're just a bitter, insane and unhinged ex girlfriend who hasn't let go. Sociopath's often brandish the people who uncover them for what they really are as 'unhinged' or 'crazy', they need plausible deniability.

Thank heaven's you broke free from him x

Bonfirebabyandme Thu 13-Oct-16 00:54:14

I feel like I wrote this. Exact same situation, right down to the new woman being well off. All you can do is stay away from him and let her learn. It's not your problem anymore, thank God!

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