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Really horrible email from ex

(45 Posts)
ThirdTurd Wed 12-Oct-16 11:25:32

I bumped into my ex on the weekend when I was visiting the city I grew up in.
We broke up 11 years ago and it was not a clean and pleasant break-up. Since we broke up we've seen each other in person once (about nine years ago) and managed to be civil for the ten minutes we were waiting in the queue at a cafe.
He emailed me via LinkedIn about six years ago as I'd appeared on his page as 'Someone You Might Know' and he was just emailing to say Hi. I emailed back and then that was that.

Anyway, on Saturday I bumped into him and we went for a coffee. It was all very pleasant and we chatted for about an hour about life in general.

In the early hours of this morning (I was awake) I received a really nasty email from him. I suspect he was drunk because it's littered with spelling errors and just doesn't make sense in places. Basically he berated me for being a 'stuck up bitch' and told me he feels sorry for me because my life is small, boring and going nowhere. He said that I'd tried to make him feel small with my boasting about my 'perfect life' (I really don't have a perfect life and I really wasn't boasting) but it just made him sad at how much I've done 'everything right' and not pushed myself or had any experience of the world. He also told me I'd let myself go and I looked really bad for my age.

I went on to his FB account (we're not friends, it's public) and he'd put a status update at 1am about not needing any bitches or something. This morning, the status has disappeared.

I know I should just ignore the email. But I want to reply and tell him some home truths. I want to post it on FB tagging his mum (who's very feminist) in.

WWYD? I need to ignore it don't I?

BertrandRussell Wed 12-Oct-16 11:27:45

Ignore ignore ignore.

paap1975 Wed 12-Oct-16 11:28:09

Treat him with the contempt he deserves. Don't waste any time on him.

ElspethFlashman Wed 12-Oct-16 11:29:39

If you really want to make him feel small and insignificant, you'll treat it with a very loud silence.

HalfShellHero Wed 12-Oct-16 11:29:47

I think I'd reply saying something like you're obviously drunk love got to sleep, the fact he's took time to email means he's thinking about you, it sounds like a horrible email but just try and move on from it.

TheNaze73 Wed 12-Oct-16 11:31:02

Retain the moral high ground & ignore the tosser

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers Wed 12-Oct-16 11:31:19

Ignore it completely

He's probably sitting there with a sore head feeling like a total dick, and serve him right.

Dignified silence, and sounds like you dodged a bullet getting rid of him

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers Wed 12-Oct-16 11:32:31

But keep the email - if he contacts you again then tell him to stop, once. Any contact after that counts as harassment

WhatsGoingOnEh Wed 12-Oct-16 11:33:12

What a nut job!

ThirdTurd Wed 12-Oct-16 11:33:38

It's the irony of the whole thing I'm struggling with. He hasn't moved away from the city we lived in when we were teenagers, he rents a room in a shared house, he's chronically underemployed, he's put on loads of weight and has got a really awful beard.

Am I'm the one with a small, shit life who looks really bad?! Gaah!

redexpat Wed 12-Oct-16 11:33:41

He is angry at himself because his life isnt what he wanted to be, and taking it out on you because you have the sort of life he wants. Basically, its all about him and no reflection on you. So chalk it up to experience and move on. X

ThirdTurd Wed 12-Oct-16 11:34:22

Most definitely dodged a bullet. He used to eat his own bogies as well.

Good point TheHubbles about keeping the emails

ThirdTurd Wed 12-Oct-16 11:34:57

redexpat Yeah, that's what I thought.

Tootsiepops Wed 12-Oct-16 11:35:04

You should definitely send it to his mum retain the moral high ground and ignore it.

doji Wed 12-Oct-16 12:11:03

That would fuck me right off too, especially as he's clearly projecting his own faults. The moral high ground would be to delete and block, but I'd be massively tempted to reply saying something along the lines of:

"I was only talking to you to be polite, I don't actually give enough of a shit about you to try to make you feel bad. The feeling clearly isn't mutual. Please do not contact me again."

mumofthemonsters808 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:26:45

Sit on your hands, do not reply. I'd be livid too and Id want to write an essay, but no response, really is the best response. If it makes you feel better, write it all down on paper and throw it in the bin, where it belongs. Don't turn over his insults, let um go, I got called a "stuck up bitch" by an ex, I'm not, but it was his response to me blanking him and not indulging his ego, its a fairly typical response from someone abusive.Dont fall for the casual chit, chat again, leave him to wallow in his warped mind.

Only1scoop Wed 12-Oct-16 12:34:46

'He used to eat his own bogies aswell'grin
Ugh how grim, I know I'd want to send some sarcastwit sentence in reply, but I actually believe you shouldn't really.
I'd keep it though incase of any further rubbish

Albatross26 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:40:52

Just ignore it. He is projecting his anger about his own situation on to you. I know how you feel though, I'm always worried when I visit my home town I'll bump into an ex, thankfully has never happened! Similar situation, he was posting horrid things on fb years after we broke up. I used to worry but then I figured he had the problem not me!

PushingThru Wed 12-Oct-16 12:41:48

He's completely projecting - totally ignore.

AyeAmarok Wed 12-Oct-16 12:42:10

I'd be tempted to reply with what doji said.

pictish Wed 12-Oct-16 12:48:04

I don't agree with ignoring it actually. That email was horrible and he needs to be told to fuck off, not have it swept under the rug like it never happened.

I really like doji's reply.

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 12-Oct-16 13:02:08

He's jealous. You're clearly doing well, he doesn't feel that he is, and so he is lashing out at you in order to make himself feel better.

Once your anger has passed, you can actually feel sorry for him, since this is what he needs to resort to.

I'd either treat his email with dignified silence, or something short and factual, like "I'm surprised you thought it was a good idea to send this."

Definitely block him on LinkedIn and e-mail, though, and you are free to walk away without exchanging any pleasantries should you bump into him again.

MrsBertBibby Wed 12-Oct-16 13:13:29

It might help to get it out of your head to write a response, and then bin it.

Starryeyed16 Wed 12-Oct-16 13:18:36

I had my ex put a status about seeing me on the bus and I did reply politely telling him we haven't been together in over ten years and I'm married with kids. He soon enough deleted the status some people never grow up

ThirdTurd Thu 13-Oct-16 12:43:53

Just to update you all.

Yesterday afternoon I did what you recommended and wrote a reply in Word, printed it and dumped it. It's a bit childish but I actually dumped it in the dog poo bin when I took my dog out at tea time grin. I felt much better.

Then, I received another email yesterday evening from him basically apologising massively for being a dick. Apparently he was surprised to bump into me and it had, in his words, '"bought a lot of feelings to the surface" [sic]. He was, as I suspected, drunk when he wrote the email but acknowledged that it didn't give him any right to say horrible things to me.
He finished this grovelling email with "I hope we can be friends and nothing will be awkward between us"

confused

I'm ignoring.

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