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Maintenance and an ever growing list of hobbies

(12 Posts)
WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Tue 11-Oct-16 11:39:43

XH has always paid £140/month for DD' maintenance. This just about covers his share (ie 50%) of keeping a roof over her head (mortgage and basic bills for water, electric etc) and feeding her. Nothing else. DD is six and already does two extra curricular activities each week which I pay for. She now wants to add two more. My policy has always been to let her have a go at anything and see how she gets on so I really don't want to be saying no, but it really is starting to add up, especially since two of the activities require specific equipment and therefore extra cost.

What do other people do? It would never occur to him to offer to pay for any of her clubs and there's a part of me that doesn't want to ask. I'm not in regular contact with him as he lives far away so if I was to bring it up with him it would mean a specific phone call or text. Am I within my rights to ask for an extra contribution to cover some of it?

For context, when we agreed the mainentance amount he was working a minimum wage job. He then doubled his earnings but never offered an increase. When I broached it he announced that he was cutting right back with that company and setting up on his own (a hobby which he is convinced will earn him money but basically doesn't) His income is basically probably pretty low and I suspect he would probably use that as a reason to refuse to pay any more.

Thoughts and suggestions would be most welcome!

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:11:19

Hi where

If you take the maintenance and ex out of the question, I think it's a good time for dd to start understanding the word NO. Especially when it comes single parent paying for stuff like hobbies etc

From my own point of view I didn't do my ds any favours by giving in all the time because of my probable guilt over his dad being a prick. Also all those after school clubs an tie them out a lot, and getting them to do homework as well is a nonstarter.

HandyWoman Tue 11-Oct-16 12:35:10

The point re finances comes down to whether he's paying a fair contribution from his current wages.

Doesn't matter if dd is doing one extra curricular club or ten. The issue re clubs is for you to work out from the budget.

I would broach with ex a renegotiation of maintenance and if he refuses then pursue via the CSA (or whoever they are now).

BlackeyedSusan Wed 12-Oct-16 15:29:36

about time she learns that there is a finite budget. you can not do everything. this is good for her to know.

c3pu Wed 12-Oct-16 15:43:59

How much does the CMS calculator suggest he should be contributing, if you know his income?

bloodyteenagers Wed 12-Oct-16 15:52:38

When it comes to children, you have to say no, because of financial restraints. Of course we would like them to do anything and everything, but alas they cannot.

Peach9876 Wed 12-Oct-16 17:20:52

I would try to insist to DD due to cost and time of these activities you think she should stick to x number, x being what you can afford and find reasonable.
I think it's great for them to have hobbies, meet new people, learn new skills etc but realistically 2 or 3 groups is plenty and unless it's something which they are amazing at which could help in the future ie musician, footballer, dancer, gymnast etc rather than just being at an average level then I'd let her swap one thing at a time to try new stuff or see if there are classes at school which are usually much cheaper to give her a taster.

Happybunny19 Wed 12-Oct-16 18:56:37

I totally agree with the other posters here about saying no to so many activities and wouldn't do so many with my dcs purely because it takes up too much time. I could afford them but when would they rest after school and get their homework done? She's only 6 years old, there's plenty of time to try lots of activities, she doesn't need to do them all at once.

Why aren't you in regular contact with her father? Surely he sees her sometimes and wants updates on how she is?

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 12-Oct-16 19:00:49

I think it's a good time for dd to start understanding the word NO.

I agree.

4 extra activities for a 6 year old is a lot

redisthenewblack Wed 12-Oct-16 19:51:33

If you suspect he is earning very little then going through the CMS will probably end up with you receiving even less than you do now.
I went through CMS and my ex pays me £200 per month for 3 children (he earns more than MW and in the area we live in his salary is actually considered quite good), so what your ex is giving you is pretty generous IMO.

I'm afraid I'm with the people telling you to say no to your DD. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

Naicehamshop Wed 12-Oct-16 22:26:40

I agree with other posters - I work in a primary school, and it's surprising how many parents just can't say no to their children about after school clubs, even if they can't afford to pay for them!

It's not a necessity for your dd to go to every possible club/activity; if you can't afford it then you can't afford it.

QueenLizIII Wed 12-Oct-16 23:43:37

She is 6 years old. There are only 7 days in a week and she wants to spend 4 of those doing activities. The new ones need expensive equipment?

Simply she needs to be told no or give up her other activities to try these.

What if you were still with your ex and couldn't afford it. She'd have to be told no.

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