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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do I owe him anything?

19 replies

Notyourmelons · 10/10/2016 21:06

Scared to be outed so will keep it brief.

Met my H 10years ago, since being together I have progressed significantly career wise with the help/support of my H.

We've had a happy relationship with your normal average hiccups.

However, every argument we have this is bought up - 'You'd be nothing if it wasn't for me', 'You owe me for sticking by' and a general feeling that I can't argue certain points as I should feel grateful for his presence in my life.

Is there a situation where by the above was true, should I be grateful? Do I owe him?

I'd of probably still progressed eventually in life, just not as early as I have.

OP posts:

Report

redisthenewblack · 10/10/2016 21:09

No. You owe him nothing.

He sounds emotionally abusive to be honest.

RandomMess · 10/10/2016 21:09

Erm isn't the point of a relationship to support one another as much as you are able to.

Not about owing anything, it's about being a good/decent/"normal" partner...

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2016 21:14

Ugh. I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you, OP, and frankly he sounds jealous and is trying to put you in your place.

Notyourmelons · 10/10/2016 21:15

Red - that's what I was worried about. It's not the only red flag. I've done this all before unfortunately, i just don't think I'm strong enough this time.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2016 21:54

You're worried you're not strong to put up with him or to dump him?

TheNaze73 · 10/10/2016 21:59

Why has he done that? Was it agreed by you both at the start? If so he's being a twat. You see it a lot in reverse

Notyourmelons · 10/10/2016 22:01

Imperial - sadly the latter

OP posts:

NeedABanner · 10/10/2016 22:02

I hope you're strong enough to leave him. The rest of you life is a loooong time to be with such a twat.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 10/10/2016 22:23

Are you strong enough to spend the rest of your life with him?

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2016 22:34

I think you're strong enough, OP. It seems as though you've reached a turning point. Stay on here and we'll support you.

iminshock · 10/10/2016 22:45

Well when my bf left her husband she used exactly your husband's argument to claim half of everything HE had earned.
And I bet mumsnet would have supported her.

iminshock · 10/10/2016 22:46

Is that maybe what he is angling for ?

Notyourmelons · 11/10/2016 08:28

Iminshock - not likely. Everything we have I consider as ours. I dont have anything personally that he could gain if we ever did break up.

To the outside world he's a perfect partner though, they haven't seen that side to him. A divorce could/would get mess and I suspect he'd get nasty. Not violent, but controlling in other ways.

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 11/10/2016 08:39

Well when my bf left her husband she used exactly your husband's argument to claim half of everything HE had earned. And I bet mumsnet would have supported her.

You mean we'd have supported a woman's right to get what she was legally entitled to in the event of divorce? Yeah, I'll go along with that. Don't you sound a lovely "friend"...

Melons - anyone who says you "owe" them for some intangible thing pretty much wipes out the "debt" just for making such a twattish statement.

Cabrinha · 11/10/2016 09:09

I wouldn't want to be married to someone who I believed would get nasty in a divorce. That means they're a cunt, and that's not good husband material. So scary as divorce can be - the fact it could be horrid (short term!) would be reason to do it!

And I agree it takes more strength to live with this shit long term than it does to end it with short term grief.

Get 80s today - I want you singing "I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..." today

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/10/2016 09:45

What he's describing, that your relationship has helped you, is what relationships are supposed that do. You don't expect to be worse off, do you? Next time he comes out with all this bollocks I'd ask him.

LisaMed1 · 11/10/2016 09:58

Just because he helped you doesn't mean that you would not have been successful on your own. He may well have picked you because he knew you were going to do well.

Or is he threatened because you succeed?

hellsbellsmelons · 11/10/2016 14:57

How has he helped you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/10/2016 15:17

What do you think you would have to be strong about in a divorce? Is there anything specific? As for A divorce could/would get mess and I suspect he'd get nasty. Not violent, but controlling in other ways. People here have been there and got the T-shirt. If you want to find a way to ready yourself to leave, ask the MN vipers what he might pull and how to handle it.

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