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I don't think we have properly separated and I think I want him back.

(12 Posts)
BoneAppleTea Mon 10-Oct-16 10:19:21

Ex moved out at the new year to a flat 5 mins away. We have two DC.

We message each other throughout the day most days. Send each other amusing stuff we've found online.

We see each other almost every day. Watch telly together one night a week. Go for lunch once a week with toddler while DD is at school.

On our respective child free weekends, we will go to the others for Sunday lunch.

Will be spending xmas together. Went on holiday together this summer.

Neither of us are seeing anyone else. He spends his free time doing his hobbies. I spend mine doing mine.

Does this sound to you like a couple who have properly separated?

The back story is a bit complicated but we were together 14 years, in a city neither of us are from and nowhere near family. The baby years were rough with no family support and I felt lonely and unfulfilled as a SAHM. We became resentful and generally angry with each other. I became convinced there was more to life and that everyone else was having exciting lives (thanks FB hmm) and pushed him away. I also had an undiagnosed illness that affected my behaviour/moods hugely and I was quite volatile. That is all sorted now with a proper medication regime and I feel like myself again.

I still love him and have realised that what we had was actually pretty fantastic and think we could make it work. There's no-one I could be more compatible with. He's my best friend and makes me laugh like no-one ever. And I still fancy him.

I've gained a qualification, am working on another one this year and will be able to pursue the career of my dreams when I finish studying next year (and toddler goes to childcare). My mum is now retired and is happy to come here to babysit which would allow us the freedom to do couple things, even to go away for weekends etc.

His lease is up at xmas, should I tell him how I feel?

I feel a strong urge to but am aware/afraid that he might feel totally differently to me. At least I'd know and could start moving on I suppose? Gah.

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom Mon 10-Oct-16 10:27:11

I think you know what you have to do. You need to tell him how you feel. Obviously it's a big risk but how will you move on either way if you don't? Good luck!

Happybunny19 Mon 10-Oct-16 10:32:54

You absolutely have to tell him how you feel. From what you've said he hasn't moved on either and likely feels the same given how you behave with one another. Good luck. Really hope we're going to see a happy ending with this one. Please keep us posted

missnevermind Mon 10-Oct-16 10:38:13

You sound like a couple who just don't live together and it does sound as though he feels the same if you don't bring it up you will kick yourself forever

newmummyagain Mon 10-Oct-16 10:44:35

Definitely speak to him.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 10-Oct-16 10:52:48

Please do, I think you will regret it if you don't!

Scarydinosaurs Mon 10-Oct-16 11:31:18

Without talking to him and disclosing how you feel you will never know.

The best thing to do is contact him via email or letter so he can process it without having to react straight away. Good luck!

BoneAppleTea Mon 10-Oct-16 12:12:07

Oh cripes. Thanks all.

Scary I have an email drafted. Didn't want to ambush him in person. We have to see each other in a few hours so think I'll wait till later tonight and then send it. Give him some time to read and process it before we see each other again.

Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I'll know where I stand and can start moving on. I would have to reduce our contact if that were the case though. It would be difficult to move on while we're still acting like a couple in so many ways.

Wish me luck folks.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming Mon 10-Oct-16 12:17:00

Would u both consider counselling? It could allow u to take stock of what was good and bad before, and what u both want, with someone there to manage the process and help u both. Sounds like u could make a go of it again, but may be worth making sure u have sorted everything out now, rather than find old issues are coming up a few months after u get back together? Good luck, either way :-)!

BoneAppleTea Mon 10-Oct-16 12:24:35

Thanks * Ptarmigan*. I had already written in my email that I'd happily organise couples counselling if we decide it might help us.

I genuinely do believe we can do it. I would never put the DC through us being on again/off again. If he does feel the same way, then we will discuss every single aspect of what went wrong and make a plan for how we can stop it ever happening again.

hermione2016 Mon 10-Oct-16 12:40:38

I really hope this works out for you both.

LesisMiserable Mon 10-Oct-16 14:30:44

Do you still fancy him? And him you?

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