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Not sure relationship is going anywhere - what would you do?

(7 Posts)
lolalaa Sun 09-Oct-16 15:33:35

Been dating someone for around 6 months, in the last couple of weeks things feel a bit distant. Less contact/time together etc, used to be really 'loved up' but not sure if this is just a different stage or if things are dying out?

As of today we haven't spoken for a couple of days - I want to send him a message to ask how he feels about things or if he still even wants us to see each other without sounding pessimistic.. also he is great with DS from previous relationship

Usually with someone I was dating I'd move on but really into this man and can imagine a future with him. Don't want to screw it up by overthinking or being clingy! confused any advice? flowers

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 09-Oct-16 15:37:16

Do you have something arranged for when you're next seeing each other ? How often do you see each other and how far in advance do you arrange it? Who does most of the arranging/asking to meet up, you or him ?
Will be easier to give a view once we've got a bit more info smile

lolalaa Sun 09-Oct-16 15:49:00

Nope nothing arranged as of yet, I have a very flexible care job, so my hours are so varied week by week, although I have to balance with other employees so there are enough staff on shift at once - nightmare! grin

So it can be tricky to make plans sooner than a few days in advance, but even when I do tell him when I'm free it does usually seem to be more of an 'we'll meet up at some point this week' thing. But because we're usually chatting anyway the plans get made quite easily - but because we aren't chatting as much it's a bit trickier.

But I'd say its quite balanced as to who asks/arranges, or usually I ask and he prefers to arrange because I'm a little impatient.

Want to contact him now but don't want it to be a boring conversation, tricky to find a topic when we haven't talked for a while, the conversation doesn't flow as nicely sad

I doubt he's even thought about things being different between us as when we're together we always enjoy each others company and it feels completely normal. But not sure how to bring up how he feels about 'us' - I do want to talk about it because I don't want to be dating/in a relationship with someone who wants to keep it casual, especially because of DS I want things to feel stable once I'm with someone. And I don't want to have doubts in my mind about his intentions and what he thinks about 'us'. flowers

Francescabear22 Sun 09-Oct-16 16:04:16

Hi chick,
I can't help myself when I have those feelings I would rather know now. If it was me I would casually put "hi there how's things with you today not heard from you is all OK. Listen tell me I'm over thinking and I'll shut up but can't help but feel like you're not as keen anymore to see me .I don't feel that way but think perhaps you may sorry if I'm bugging you but I'd rather know now.
But listen hun that is just me I would so rather know and of coarse you may not want to do that but you did say what would you do ... good luck lovely whatever you decide x

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 09-Oct-16 16:10:25

Hmm. Unless there's a pressing need to make arrangements (eg. If you were about to go away for a couple of weeks and wanted to squeeze in a date before that) then I'd leave it a few more days and see how it goes tbh. Six months isn't that long and it doesn't sound as though you've had 'the talk' yet so he may quite possibly be wanting a bit of space or he might just have had a busy weekend ....

lolalaa Sun 09-Oct-16 16:18:41

Yeah whenever I get into this kind of situation I always just want to know where I stand.. also I was with my ex for ages so haven't had to navigate the dating world for a very long time!

How often is normal to see someone you're dating, but not official with? Is every couple of weeks not enough for them to be interested? confused

But I don't want to leave him to message first most of the time, I do want him to know I'm interested without being too overbearing. blush

Thanks for replies flowers

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 09-Oct-16 16:24:18

Re: how often to see each other - it entirely depends on what you've both got going on in your lives. If you've both god kids with you part or most of the time plus you both work, then it's quite likely you might not have a lot of time to spare.

If you think you haven't made enough of the running then perhaps you could contact him asking when he's free to arrange something - suggest something specific, maybe there's something you've been talking about doing for a while for example?
I would try and have the 'state of the Union' talk face to face, not a great idea to start it by text or phone I think. But sure you can show some interest by asking him for a specific date in the meantime ....
Good luck grin

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