I'm grateful to life and unseen forces that I am lucky enough to be able to tell this story. :)
I separated from XH and moved out nearly 2 years ago. Pretty shortly after I met someone with whom I had so much in common (with regards to interests and work) that I felt he was The One. In retrospect, I was in a vulnerable state as I had only just broken up with XH after nearly a decade together and most importantly our DS.
We embarked on a pretty intense romance for 4 months until I started to get serious doubts about the long-term prospects. This guy, let's call him E, was a loner and very much enjoyed his own company, saying he could not imagine ever living with anyone, and that there was only a 33% chance he would even contemplate having kids in the future.
He had told this from the start but it took 4 months until I realised that our ideas of the future were completely incompatible. I was also missing DS massively as I wasn't seeing him enough because I'd gone along with XH dictating the terms of contact, and I hadn't sought legal advice.
I got really depressed, broke up with E, XH invited me back to the marital home where I lived for 3 months and was able to be in the life-affirming presence of my DS again. I was a proper mother again and me and XH talked a lot about the possibility of us getting back together. He wanted sex all the time but I said no and slept in the spare bedroom. We ended up doing it once as I wanted to give it a go before my final decision to stop flogging a dead horse.
I moved out again and soon me and E were in touch and started a romance again. He then called it quits, twice, based on some completely obscure and minuscule things that had happened. The second time he left me was because my wallet was stolen and he said he could not handle me being so 'chaotic'! I remember telling a friend that if I wanted someone to criticise me I would get back with XH as at least I shared Ds with him, but that this level of pettiness from someone I'm not even living with was unacceptable. I broke off all contact and started looking online etc for new options, having established that I really wanted a loving partnership with someone.
What had happened shortly after getting together with E for the first time, was that I'd made some good friends, and one of them was A - we had a lot in common and kept meeting up to talk about ideas for a joint art project. We became friends and he was there supporting me with my relationship difficulties. He even hinted that 'there are other options available than E' but I said 'You're a really good friend and I just don't want to muddy the waters by getting involved with you'.
However, a fortuitous set of circumstances brought A and me together in a slightly physical sense, and fast forward a year and we are engaged and living together. He is my best friend and I also find him hugely, hugely attractive -- I often say to him 'I don't know how I managed to keep my hands off you when we were just friends!' He is also absolutely perfect with my DS and it is fair to say that without his support what with the custody battle I'm currently in with XH, I really don't know where I would be but I'd imagine it would be a rather grim place, to put it mildly.
He is my world along with DS, and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. Last week we had dinner at the pub where my wallet got stolen last year, and I said to him 'I'm so grateful to that wallet thief, he did me the best favour ever', because if my wallet hadn't been stolen I might still be in an on-again, off-again relationship with someone who clearly could not handle the stresses of everyday life, and it simply would not have worked to live with him and he could not have been there for DS in any role of importance because parenting is full of occasions which are much more stressful than having one's wallet stolen.
Before I got together with A ie DP, I had just come to the realisation that I had been unconsciously looking for a somewhat 'controlling' man and hence, E had not been a million miles from XH at all. I am so relieved that there are good men out there with genuine values. I would encourage you to stay hopeful and perhaps try to work out if you, like me, have been unconsciously attracted to the 'wrong type'.