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So confused

(10 Posts)
changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:21:03

We have been together forever he has always been prone to tantrums.

He will be nice for weeks and then fly off the handle at something so minor I find myself walking on eggshells. We got married 12 weeks ago and 4 weeks ago he threw his ring at me and rang a Solictor about divorce. I was crying and begging him to stop but he then alternated between giving me the cold shoulder or telling me how awful I am for two days until he broke down apologised and blamed his illness (he has a chronic pain issue in his arm which is awful).

Everytime he had a procedure he will shout at me that I'm fake and only act like I care in front of people. If I come to the hospital I'm fake if I don't go I'm an uncaring bitch. I honestly feel I can't win.

We have had a lovely weekend I left him in bed this morning and we hugged when he got up and chatted away as normal. Then I said his name twice and didn't hear his reply so he shouted where are you and the shit hit the fan.
He has twisted things he has walked out and come back and I'm sat here crying literally wanting to smash my head into something as I'm so frustrated he keeps telling me I'd planned an argument I'm doing it on purpose as he has day surgery tomorrow and I want his blood pressure high.
Now he's giving me the silent treatment and I can't stand it if I say anything he will say "you are doing this on purpose"
I don't know what I've done I'd planned a lovely day and was going to cook a nice meal later now I'm sat on my bedroom floor crying and confused again.

changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:21:59

Sorry "so I shouted where are you"

Bananalanacake Sun 09-Oct-16 11:29:12

This is emotional abuse, hope someone more experienced can come along and advise soon.

changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:39:50

Thank you.
I know it's not normal but it's all mixed up with this chronic pain he's had it for 4 years and always argues with me before a hospital visit then if I react or shout back (his best friend lives next door) people will think I'm evil for screaming at a man about to go into hospital.
I literally say to him let me speak please just let me explain and he just shouts and shouts all these horrible accusations and I'm like wtf?
I work two jobs and I'm trying to hold everything together people at work think I'm all happy and I'm so sad inside.
He's told me he wishes he hadn't married me, I'm the biggest mistake he ever made etc etc.
But he always blames his arm and the pain.

WoodenTrees Sun 09-Oct-16 11:40:01

My stbxh had amongst many other things a chronic pain condition. He used it as an excuse so often. We were together for over twenty years. I am suffering from PTSD and other emotional difficulties due to exactly this sort of treatment. It took my dd reporting to CAMHs, who in turn referred me to a WA worker, for me to see clearly. Whilst it's early days for me (seven weeks), it took a long time to get to this point. I can honestly tell you that he will never allow this to work, even when you get to the point when you agree with him over everything, do exactly as you are told, rarely go out, he will find something. Walk away now, he is emotionally manipulating and abusing you and as I said, living with the consequences of that is not easy.
Good Luck! flowers

HuskyLover1 Sun 09-Oct-16 12:01:00

He's told me he wishes he hadn't married me, I'm the biggest mistake he ever made etc etc

Me and DH have had a few hum dingers. Not ONCE has either of us said this ^^

Take him at his word.

Joysmum Sun 09-Oct-16 12:09:13

Bullshit. I work for a couple of charities, one got a chronic illness, the other supporting anyone with any disability. Good people don't habitually treat others like shit no matter the justification supposedly is.

changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 12:13:59

Thanks for the replies.
Apparently the reason for his mood is he does all the housework, he doesn't I ironed everything for the week ahead this morning and he got up and saw the dishwasher needed sorting and some wet clothes needed hanging up, nobody asked him to do it he does it then kicks off over it.
I think he is sensing I'm working out it's not me but him for so long I've apologised or ended up in a huge screaming match.
I now walk away and don't keep it a secret so much when he's on one.
I just can't connect this loving man that is here most of the time to this raging irrational man who seems to seriously hate my guts.
It hurts I know he wouldn't care for me like I do for him if I was the Ill one.

changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 12:14:07

Thanks for the replies.
Apparently the reason for his mood is he does all the housework, he doesn't I ironed everything for the week ahead this morning and he got up and saw the dishwasher needed sorting and some wet clothes needed hanging up, nobody asked him to do it he does it then kicks off over it.
I think he is sensing I'm working out it's not me but him for so long I've apologised or ended up in a huge screaming match.
I now walk away and don't keep it a secret so much when he's on one.
I just can't connect this loving man that is here most of the time to this raging irrational man who seems to seriously hate my guts.
It hurts I know he wouldn't care for me like I do for him if I was the Ill one.

changed2001 Sun 09-Oct-16 12:15:39

Funnily enough his mum used to have epic tantrums and would always make any health issue a massive drama. He is NC with her as "she made his life hell".
He can't grasp that he is displaying the same behaviour traits sad.

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