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What have I done? A terrible mess

(39 Posts)
justarandomer Sun 09-Oct-16 01:00:54

This is very very very complicated.

I've been dating a guy since July.
He's gone to uni 7 hours away by train.
On our last date before he left, he went to hold my hand straight away, and I just couldn't do it until I'd had wine.

Weve been texting and face timing for the past month or so.

We've arranged for me to go down to go and stay with him in his single bed for 5 days. Ive bought the £100 tickets.

I'm having crazy second thoughts tonight.
I dont know if im attracted to him anymore.
We'd obviously have sex. That makes me feel gross.
Oh god help help.
Do I jib now and make a complete fool of myself

PushingThru Sun 09-Oct-16 01:04:24

Just don't go. How old are you?

GiddyOnZackHunt Sun 09-Oct-16 01:12:30

It's not complicated confused Don't go.
You've been dating for 3 months. You don't want to touch him. Don't go.
Have a think why he isn't for you. Understand that and learn

Joysmum Sun 09-Oct-16 01:19:51

There is nothing foolish in realizing this isn't the relationship for you. It takes a few goes before you find Mr Right. You don't owe him, or yourself anything. You can just change your mind, that's allowed. Bought tickets don't obligate you to anything.

Don't go x

MsMims Sun 09-Oct-16 01:22:37

Don't go. You're already upset and worried about it. Don't put yourself through it.

QueenLizIII Sun 09-Oct-16 01:29:59

It is very very very simple.

Don't go.

No one has such trepidation for someone they care for. you dont like him. Dont go and dont see him again.

VimFuego101 Sun 09-Oct-16 01:30:34

You shouldn't have to get drunk to be intimate with someone. It doesn't sound like you're attracted to him.

dailymaillazyjournos Sun 09-Oct-16 01:51:02

I agree. Forget the £100, forget whether you feel a fool (you absolutely aren't btw) and just don't go. If this was the right decision for you, you'd be counting down the days till you went to stay and not feeling so upset.

You are taking notice of how you feel, you are questioning your decision. The fact that you are paying close attention to this means you are the exact opposite of a fool.

SansasEscape Sun 09-Oct-16 03:12:06

How old are you? Not that it actually matters. Don't go, you don't want him. Just call it all off, no real harm done. It's only money.

Italiangreyhound Sun 09-Oct-16 04:02:13

Do not go. You owe him nothing. Certainly you do not owe him sex because he brought some train tickets! You can tell him politely over the phone or by text, email or whatever that you are not coming and it is over. He can do as he likes with the tickets.

Please do not go, it is clear you do not want to. You are not a fool. The foolish thing to do would be to go and have sex with a man you do not want to have sex with because he bought you a train ticket, you are not foolish, do not go.


PoldarksBreeches Sun 09-Oct-16 04:10:03

She has bought the tickets

Op - you're considering forcing yourself to have sex you don't want because you have spent £100. Can you see how messed up that is?
Just don't go. You don't owe anyone a relationship, ever.

Italiangreyhound Sun 09-Oct-16 04:30:56

Ah, I see, you bought the tickets. No worries either way, don;t need to force yourself to have sex with anyone ever.

If you bought the tickets by credit card see if you can cash them in, change etc, or even if you paid cash.

But either way, do not go.

ChasedByBees Sun 09-Oct-16 04:36:49

Not at all complicated. End things and get a refund / partial refund on the train tickets.

Bumbleclat Sun 09-Oct-16 04:41:59

I stayed with someone for nearly three years while I felt deep sm deep down, wasn't right.
When I met someone (a friend) at a party who I was actually attracted to on every level, I had so much inner turmoil and conflict it was hell.
I had to look my DP in the eye and end the rl so I could move on and be with someone who really did it for me.
I felt so guilty and wished I'd just been honest with myself and him from the start.
Please cut free now and wait to meet someone that makes you feel wonderful.

temporarilyjerry Sun 09-Oct-16 05:17:55

The £100 is gone whether you go or not, so do what your gut is telling you.

LIttleTripToHeaven Sun 09-Oct-16 06:10:59

It's not a terrible mess and you won't look foolish. Just don't go.

Although, do take notice though. All the signs were there when you couldn't hold his hand until you'd had a drink. That's never going to be a good sign. There is no need to have a relationship with this, or any, man.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that because you get on over skype or whatsapp or whatever that you can make it work in reality. You can't. If it's just not there, then it's just not there.

FourToTheFloor Sun 09-Oct-16 06:25:56

I met a guy once on a night out that l went to school with but didn't really know. We talked for about 2 months on the phone and got on great. Finally went on a date and realised l didn't want to kiss him sober so feigned not feeling well and cut the date short.

I couldn't believe it as we really clicked when chatting, he was good looking and yes we'd already had a drunken snog.

AyeAmarok Sun 09-Oct-16 06:30:26

You're overthinking this.

If you don't like someone in that way, it's just one of those things, it's not a big deal. You're just not that into him, so it's best to say so now and not go, and you can both move to the next.

Footle Sun 09-Oct-16 06:38:29

It's not all that complicated, dear OP, and it isn't even a terrible mess. It would be if you went. Don't go, now or ever.

Horsemad Sun 09-Oct-16 07:13:40

OP - stop being Over Dramatic.confused Just. Don't. Go!

SandyY2K Sun 09-Oct-16 07:40:14

If you need wine to hold his hand, then there's a problems. Forget the ticket money and end the relationship.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 09-Oct-16 07:44:52

You have what is called The Cringe.
It happens sometimes and no one really knows why but it will NEVER go away. Once you physically cringe there is no cure.

Sadly just need to move on but it's not really because he's at uni he will be fine as will you.

ellesbellesxxx Sun 09-Oct-16 07:49:32

You might be able to get money back for tickets less an admin fee.. Worth asking!

CurtainsforRonnie Sun 09-Oct-16 07:49:53

Cancel with him
Go with a friend.
Job done

FatButFun Sun 09-Oct-16 07:51:55

Behavioural economics at play - The Sunk Cost Fallacy.

As a bloke & Dad my conclusion is the same as everyone else above. Don't go.

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