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Is it my imagination...

(20 Posts)
2catsandadog Sat 08-Oct-16 09:48:31

Or are the men of today generally childish assholes with no sense of responsibility or even a vague idea of how to behave as an adult?

I have lost count of all the posts where the problem basically boils down to a man with a Peter Pan complex... I also married one, but that is another post.

I am raising a little boy. How can I ensure he actually grows up into a responsible adult and doesn't have these extremely irritating habits of acting like a truculent toddler?

Joysmum Sat 08-Oct-16 09:58:04

I'm sorry you're marrried to one, but your 'd'h is not the norm and you're denying yourself happiness and opportunity by remaining tethered to him.

Most people come here because they are having problems and post only from their own perspective so it gives a distorted view of life.

All the men in my family, and my DH, are wonderful people.

Many of the women on here have sons, brothers, fathers etc who aren't childish entitled arseholes so it's not right to believe that a few bad men are representative of their whole gender.

Joysmum Sat 08-Oct-16 09:59:04 raise your son in the same way I've raised my daughter, to be mindful and empathetic.

ayeokthen Sat 08-Oct-16 10:00:18

I too married an arsehole, I also divorced said arsehole. I was raised by a phenomenal dad, have wonderful uncles and cousins and have been with DP for 5 years and he's everything I ever wanted. Some men are arseholes, most aren't.

springydaffs Sat 08-Oct-16 10:01:58

Lucky you Joysmum envy

My experiences are closer to yours, op.

Slightly pissed off that it looks like it took one man - of the father variety - to set the scene for the rest that have trolled through my life.

Funnylady123 Sat 08-Oct-16 10:11:43

My experiences are also more like op's. Finally got rid of abusive twat, only to be left with ds who is largely a wonderul person, but occassionally shows signs of having some of the twattish traits his father had. This worries me endlesly as don't want him to be that person.

TheNaze73 Sat 08-Oct-16 10:32:53

I'm in 100% agreement with Joysmum

51% of the U.K. Population are married & people aren't generally going to rush onto a message board daily & say how great things are with their partners, you'll as a rule only hear the bad extremes on here.

There are utter arseholes of both sexes around, which is unfortunate but, they truly are the minority.

Good luck with your DS. I'm sure you're doing a tremendous job with him

Houseofmirth66 Sat 08-Oct-16 13:52:14

I laughed out loud at your post Joysmum. That's that sorted then OP.

benbry Sat 08-Oct-16 14:05:56

Joysmum, I raised my DD to be mindful and empathetic, and she is.

I raised my DS to be mindful and empathetic, he has turned out to be an arse of the highest order.

Perhaps you were just lucky.

springydaffs Sat 08-Oct-16 14:55:37

Ditto benbry.

Funnylady123 Sat 08-Oct-16 15:56:22

Ditto benbry and springy, so glad i'm not the only one!

Joysmum Sat 08-Oct-16 19:56:28

We are all just lucky to a certain degree with how our kids turn out. Great parenting can only do so much as can evidenced by parents where one child hasn't turned out well and their others have. I don't believe a child's gender has a bearing on this.

As others said, most men aren't aresholes.

I feel sorry for those of you who believe they are. Just to add, I was in an abusive relationship in which I was raped. It has damaged me of course but I still believe the vast majority of men have good souls and aren't arseholes. The men in my life are nothing like that monster.

How about you start a thread Benbray or House asking the mothers and siblings if these males are like me the men you deem to be representative of their gender?

benbry Sat 08-Oct-16 20:26:34

I have many wonderful men in my life Joysmum, including my DH who is the father of my children. I was merely pointing out that the way you raise your child doesn't always guarantee they will become the well adjusted adult you hope for.

We appear to agree that gender is irrelevant in this regard.

ayeokthen Sat 08-Oct-16 20:42:02

I have to say, my brother and I were raised in the same home by the same people (although my Mum let him away with murder because he was a boy and the youngest) and he's an absolute dick. I've never met such a selfish sociopathic prick in all my life. My mum freely admits she was hard on me and not him, but that she got it wrong with him because he's so awful. He actually charged our mother fuel money (in a car she'd bought him) to take her for chemo!!!!

ayeokthen Sat 08-Oct-16 20:42:38

While working full time and having no responsibilities!

honeyroar Sat 08-Oct-16 21:22:58

Nope I disagree. There are good and bad men, just as there are good and bad women. Of course you're going to read about more bad ones on a website for women to discuss their problems.

Czerny88 Sat 08-Oct-16 21:26:09

IME most men are inconsiderate, selfish, mendacious, immature, unfaithful, disloyal and fickle. Not sure what has made them all like that, but I don't trust any of them these days.

Houseofmirth66 Sun 09-Oct-16 00:00:04

Joysmum - it wasn't your assertion that men aren't all arses that made me splutter. It was the combination of smugness about your own parenting skills and condescension to the OP. Double irony in that you're apparently passing on empathy and mindfulness to your daughter.

daisychain01 Sun 09-Oct-16 07:16:36

I'm sure joysmum is capable of defending herself but how about you stop with the nasty snidey digs. I didn't get smugness or condescending from joy's comment at all.

Why not start by reading the OP! It invites posters to give their advice

How can I ensure he actually grows up into a responsible adult and doesn't have these extremely irritating habits of acting like a truculent toddler?

To which a valid response is to teach empathy and being mindful of others, which is spot-on.

It doesn't guarantee success (what does?) but exposing DC to these concepts growing up gives a higher likelihood of success that them witnessing adults going round being feckless, inconsistent and self-centred.

Houseofmirth66 Sun 09-Oct-16 08:48:30

Q: How can I get my kid to grow up to be nice?

A: Be a brilliant parent like me.


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