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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can't get my head around this.

(15 Posts)
BillericayDuckie Fri 07-Oct-16 23:52:19

The man I considered to be the love of my life has finished our two and a half year relationship because:
A) my divorce has taken too long and my ex husband is aggressively screwing me over financially
B) my parents dislike him and blame him for the break up of my marriage
C) My DD2 is a handful.
Apparently without these obstacles, we would have had a future. He would rather be on his own.

fusspot66 Fri 07-Oct-16 23:54:49

You've dodged a bullet Billie. What a lightweight he is.

ChequeOff Fri 07-Oct-16 23:59:03

Agree with fusspot.
Imagine what he'd be like if your chips were properly down.
Cut your losses flowers

GinBunny Sat 08-Oct-16 00:07:46

Agree with fusspot too, you are so better off without him. He might be the love of your life but you are not the love of his, sorry. You have a brighter future without him lovely thanks

melibu84 Sat 08-Oct-16 00:12:06

It hurts now, but you will realise in time that he wasn't the right man for you. If he was, none of that stuff would matter. You're better off without him!

Lilacpink40 Sat 08-Oct-16 00:17:15

If you were his priority these issues would just be that, issues to work through to remedy/support together.

He's had doubts, possibly to do with circumstances that you're unaware of, and is raising non-dealbreaking points as defence for his change.

You won't benefit from spending anymore time with him. Sorry this has happened to you flowers

LookingOldBeforMyTime Sat 08-Oct-16 02:22:57

Agree with all the posts so far.

Only point I have is re "my ex husband is aggressively screwing me over financially". If that is the case I hope you have a competent solicitor and you should concentrate on not letting that happen, for the sake of your children.

A man character who really cared for and loved you would be able to deal with the frustrations he cites and help make your relationship stronger. This one has simply thrown in the towel at the first hurdle and implied it is because of you, and your DD2 and your parents. You and your children deserve better.

LellyMcKelly Sat 08-Oct-16 05:38:22

He's just making excuses, and crap ones at that. As everyone else has said, you dodged a bullet.

TheNaze73 Sat 08-Oct-16 07:20:41

Whilst A & B would & sound plausible reasons to end a relationship, if he was really bothered, he would have wanted to find a way forward

Humblebee1 Sat 08-Oct-16 08:03:49

Oh billericay, poor you. You will survive though, you know you will. Try not to dispare.
Maybe you will both benefit from a bit of space and it will work out, if not then he really is not the love of your life. So sorry.

BillericayDuckie Sat 08-Oct-16 09:44:27

Thanks everyone for your kind words and for putting this in perspective for me.

It's clear now that he simply does not love me enough to work through these obstacles. He has let me down. Just need to try to accept this and move on so I'm not always going to be hoping he will change his mind. Easier said than done though.

Looking - yes, my focus now is defending my financial position through the Court. Could really do without the legal costs at the moment as things are a struggle financially as it is, but hopefully it will be money well spent in the long run.

fusspot66 Sat 08-Oct-16 09:47:53

Good morning Billie
Sorry if I dropped my opinion and sloped off to bed. I hope this morning you are able to hug your little one close., have a big brew and think 'Stuff him'. Also thinking your parents may not like him because they saw through him long before this. flowers

BillericayDuckie Sat 08-Oct-16 10:06:48

No problem fusspot! You hit the nail on the head. Just wished I'd bullet dodged a bit sooner and not wasted such a chunk of my life on him.

And yes, I appear to be the only one who didn't think this relationship was going to fail. Feel really stupid for being taken in by his promises etc.

I'm not generally a stupid person!

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Oct-16 10:17:34

You're well away from someone who finds your child a problem, OP.

leaveittothediva Sat 08-Oct-16 14:24:32

He will be saying I love you but I'm not in love with you next, or it's me, it isn't you. You had a lucky escape. Your just coming out of a marriage, I think the last thing you need in another complex relationship. You need time to analyze why your marriage failed. Time to rethink things, your own patterns of behavior, time to reflect, so as not to bring negative things forward to a new relationship.

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