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Relationships

Is it the lack of sex? Is it me? Was I in the right or he?

104 replies

thewomanwiththepearlearring · 07/10/2016 00:07

This is going to be a long one, so here it goes.

I was with DS dad for a very long time. We did live together, but I couldn't stand his controlling ways, constant nagging for sex, unpredictable temper and I didn't want DS to be brought up in that sort of environment, so I left and I now live with my parents.

Here's the issue, when I was with DS dad, the lack of sex was an issue. He has a very high sex drive; I don't have a high sex drive at all. But when I was living with DS dad, I would give him sex constantly just so that he can stop whining as he will get very angry and accuse me of all sorts. Also, DS dad was very unhelpful around the house, he hardly took me out anywhere, we hardly did things as a family, but he was very good with DS. But I started to feel used, horrible feeling, and after a while, on top of other things that I mentioned above, it was too much and I left.

When I went to live at my parents house, things started to change (we were still together at this point-- but I went to live at my parents house for that break ifyswim). DS dad had hardly been to take out DS anywhere, doesn't give me money to support his DS (well he has no job but gets benefits), he doesn't like going out to social places, so he would hardly take me out anywhere, but he would constantly tell me to go to his flat to have sex. When we did go out, it was like DS dad expected sex in return. Almost like a reward when he took me out. It got to a point that I was worried to invite DS dad to parents evenings, events, days out etc incase he did come and expected sex in return. If I refused, DS dad would go into a fit in public.

I hated it, I felt used. I didn't feel like we were in a relationship. He wasn't providing my emotional needs, as well as DS! I felt like he hardly did anything for his DS despite the fact that our DS has special needs. So I was doing all his care. So I thought, why do I need to give this man sex, when he doesn't do anything really to contribute to the relationship...relationships are suppose to be equal, balancing out each others emotional and physical needs right?

I had enough, so all in all, I decided that until DS dad supports his son (emotionally, financially etc) and supports me (emotionally etc), I would refuse giving him sex and end the relationship with him. Which I did, it has been 8 months now.

Just today, DS dad called me and we had a discussion about the issues in our past relationship. DS dad wants to get back with me, but he quickly (sigh) started to ask me if I can come back to his to have sex. As I have filed for child maintenance, which is £7.00 a week as his on benefits. DS dad said he has "changed" that he has done everything that I have asked him to do..regarding supporting DS financially through child maintenance (he see's DS now and again) and that I expect him to give me all my wants, but I wouldn't give him anything in return (sex). I told DS dad, that despite what CM say, £7.00 a week is not enough, that I struggle daily to provide for DS and his needs (he has severe allergies as well as SEN) and that he should be ashamed of giving DS so little. He even gloatly told me that his actually working in a bar and gets cash in hand .

He then began to say that he still loves me , and wants me back. I then said ok, but can we take things slow, like go on dates, go out to public places . He then replied that I know he hates going out socially, he has no money and that we can go to the park and go to his after (sigh-again). I told him no, that this is why I dumped you in the first place, that until he starts providing for DS, emotionally supporting me and DS, being more their for us as a family, then I will get back with you. He got miffed and hanged up.

Oh..he even told me that even though he and I aren't together, that if I find a new boyfriend, he will leave DS and I for good .

I think I'm wasting my time .

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AnyFucker · 07/10/2016 00:09

I think it it has taken you far too long to come to that conclusion.