Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it OK to be happy being single

(17 Posts)
pregnantat50 Wed 05-Oct-16 11:50:38

I am 51 and have had 2 long term relationships. One that lasted 28 years and resulted in 3 lovely children. And the 2nd one that lasted 4 years and ended when he moved to another city.

The thing is I have realised I am enjoying being single for the first time in my life. I met my first boyfriend at school and moved in with him at 19 so I never really discovered me. I responded or reacted to his needs and ignored my own.

Everyone assumes that as I am single I must be looking for a replacement man. My family have recently started suggesting online dating and when I said, maybe later I am happy as I am...they seemed a bit confused.

Is it really that unheard of to be single and happy?

BreatheDeep Wed 05-Oct-16 12:14:57

Of course it's ok! I think you need to be happy single and know yourself in order to have a healthy relationship anyway. I have never been the type to have a relationship just so that I have one. I'd much rather be single than in a pointless relationship with an idiot!

One of my closest friends is in her 50s and single and I have never thought that she needs a relationship. If she wants one, lovely, but if she wants to be single, also lovely.

pregnantat50 Wed 05-Oct-16 12:20:09

Thanks BreatheDeep, thats sort of my stance on it. I think its my grown up children are all in happy relationships and want 'mum' to have the same. I have explained that just because I am alone doesnt mean I am lonely but they are constantly trying to match make.

TheNaze73 Wed 05-Oct-16 12:40:15

Nothing wrong with it all OP. I'd much rather be happy than in a crap relationship.

Lottapianos Wed 05-Oct-16 12:42:35

More than OK. Entirely normal. I am in a happy relationship but can still completely understand why someone would choose to be single

lasttimeround Wed 05-Oct-16 12:43:53


EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs Wed 05-Oct-16 12:51:09

IMO being single is the best thing ever. I'm not having anyone sharing my space except the cat.

pregnantat50 Wed 05-Oct-16 13:12:38

I excitedly decorated my flat after the end of my relationship, I have always been a magpie and love all that ex hated the first thing I did was a trip to IKEA light section and bought some lovely lighting that he would have disproved off, some cushions, candles, a rug.

I love coming home from work, making a meal for a friend or my grown up children, going to the local wine bar for Tapas Night on a Friday, or just chilling in my PJS and watching a film, without anyone to account my actions to.

I did have some lovely moments in my relationships, both last a long time but I am having some lovely solo moments too

pallasathena Wed 05-Oct-16 16:06:46

Was single for a very long time after my first marriage collapsed and I look fondly back on those days when I was totally independent.
I'm happy with my lot o/p and wouldn't change things or hubby number two for the world but those days were, in many respects, the best days of my life.
So no, there's nothing wrong with being single; its liberating just having yourself to think about. one of the things that used to 'get' me back in the day was the assumption that I shouldn't be on my own, that somehow, I wasn't playing by the rules. But the thought of sharing my home with another man gave me palpitations back then. I really couldn't have coped with all the negative stuff or all the domestic stuff that to my mind then, men bring into your life. Still feel the same really. If DH and I parted, I know I wouldn't bother ever again.

Cary2012 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:45:29

Well I can certainly identify with you OP! Am about your age long term relationships from late teens, then 20 year marriage and three adult kids.

Thought I'd fall apart after marriage ended, but feel I've gone from strength to strength. I just love the freedom of choosing how I want to spend my free time, whether I feel like socialising or not, when and what to eat....up to me!

What irritates me is that some family/friends feel sorry for me, like I'm waiting to meet someone, when I have consciously chosen to stay single. I've had the pitying 'Are you still on your own?' from a couple of people! Really annoying. Other friends have admitted they envy me though!

CremeEggThief Wed 05-Oct-16 17:47:47

It's more than okay! If you're not happy in your own company, you won't be happy with anyone else.

Latenightreader Wed 05-Oct-16 17:55:43

Absolutely ok. My parents split up when I was three and although Mum had a couple of long term relationships after that she has been single for a good 20 years and very happy the vast majority of the time.

I haven't been in a long term relationship for over a decade. Last year I tried internet dating for six months and I hated every moment of it. In January I went on three or four dates with a close friend who we had both been wondering if there was anything more to it than friendship. Turns out I really, really didn't want there to be more. A few months after that I gave myself permission not to want a relationship and it was amazing how my mood rose and how much better I felt after admitting it to myself.

I am also getting more confident about telling people I really am not interested when they make "oo, we'll find a nice bloke for you" noises. Most people don't get it, but it is absolutely valid and acceptable.

GipsyHill Wed 05-Oct-16 17:58:16

It's better than ok- I'm 27 and was single for 4 years up until a few months ago. I got so sick of comments like "oh don't worry, you'll find a man soon", and "you're still young, prince charming is just around the corner" as if I couldn't be happy on my own.

I genuinely believe I am a happier and more content person because of the time I spent on my own, and my relationship now is the healthiest and happiest I've ever had because of it too. Your children and friends should accept that and be pleased that you're enjoying things that are just for you!

noego Thu 03-Nov-16 09:33:56

I wouldn't have it any other way. It's important to be psychologically free as well as physically free. So what do I mean by this? I mean undo all the programming, conditioning, brainwashing and grooming that's taken place over all these years.

BitchQueen90 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:13:38

Of course it's OK!

I have been single for 2 and a half years apart from a brief fling. I love it. I love running my household the way I want, spending money on what I want. Watching whatever I want on TV. Choosing where I want to go on holiday.

Enjoy it OP. you don't need a relationship to complete you. smile

skilledintheartofnothing Thu 03-Nov-16 13:24:13

Enjoy it OP.

Ignore the comments, i am always getting told that i should be looking for love, Im 35 and have been on my own for 5 years and i love my own company

aubs427 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:53:17

I think it is amazing that you feel happy and comfortable being by yourself. It is definitely a different type of feeling than when you are sharing your life with someone.

I am not single, however, I can say that I applaud you in your confidence and newfound happiness in being by yourself. Dont let anyone tell you or force you into sharing your life if you dont feel the need to (at least for right now).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now