Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Family matters

(5 Posts)
Emilypearly Tue 04-Oct-16 23:42:02

First post here and I have no clue about the lingo, so please be kind ;-)
I'm in a predicament of having knowledge of a family matter and could do with opinions, advice and warnings, maybe even reassurance that I would be doing the right thing. The situation - Mother early 40s, Father early 60s, married for 6yrs, 4 children b17, g15, (first 2 step children to Father), b8, (third step child to Father) b4, Fathers only child with the Mother. Middle class, respectable, blah. Mother has been physically and mentally abusing all the children's Fathers over their relationships with her, I would like to give examples but we all know what types of abuse can happen. Father/husband excluded from the home. He has been convinced that if he reports in anyway, because he is 'old and useless' etc, he will loose his son. She convinced him (kinda reasonable) into reducing his working hours to take care for b4, so she could join the police force, (just to add insult to his many unreported injuries). He is a broken man and a classic victim of domestic abuse and I love him, he's close family. The children have seen many acts of physical and verbal violence towards the men that have been caught in her trap. Mother appears as butter wouldn't melt and lies overwhelmingly. Many of Father's family have been pushed away by her. G15 laughed when witnessing violent assaults on b4's Father as she sees it as acceptable behaviour. It is known that Mothers mother is the same as is Mother's brother. They all rule with an iron fist. Father is truly in denial about reporting to any authority. And doesn't seem to see the damage that has been, and continues to be done to the 4 children. He is a doting Father and is still at her beck and call regarding b4, which means he gets to spend time with b4, but has been threatened that Mother will take that away. (Classic abuse cycle)
Question - do I do the right thing and report this to Social services (I can't report to police as I have never personally been witness)
Does anyone have some insight in this area. I feel that I need a bit of reassurance or slapping round the face with a wet fish for the potential pitfalls, dangers and risks involved. How well trained are Social Workers in spotting violent manipulative Mothers, whilst they accuse the Father? Ps. Respect to any Social Workers out there, super tough job. Thanks in advance everyone. From a pretty worried family member sad

imother Wed 05-Oct-16 02:05:00

I can't report to police as I have never personally been witness)

So how do you know all this?

Generally I'd say if you know children are being abused (and witnessing violence is defined as abuse) then you have a duty to report.

Emilypearly Wed 05-Oct-16 03:39:17

Thank you for your reply. I know all this as it has been openly discussed with the family over the last few weeks. Some members have known it has been going on for years.

Emilypearly Tue 11-Oct-16 10:15:03

I'm hoping to bump this message. I need more information and advice before I go ahead or not on this family changing matter. Please anyone, anything of value or warning for reporting to social services. Thank you.

keepingonrunning Tue 11-Oct-16 17:16:39

Men's domestic abuse organisations
Domestic violence unit of your local police. I think a report of abuse is enough for them to investigate, particularly where children are present. You don't need to have witnessed it yourself, after all very little domestic abuse is witnessed by others.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now