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Does being in a relationship mean being a team? And if so, what does that mean?

(13 Posts)
RedMapleLeaf Tue 04-Oct-16 18:45:59

This has been on my mind for a while but I've chickened out of posting. So, even though I'm on my way out now I thought I'd start the thread so that I was committed before I backed out again!

luckylucky24 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:52:01

To me it just means doing your bit. Be it your share of the housework/cooking or just being there emotionally for each other so it is not one sided.

gillybeanz Tue 04-Oct-16 18:56:31

To me it's being a partner 50/ 50 so sharing the bad as well as the good.
supporting each other, picking up the slack.
taking criticism from the other to make a particular part of your lives better.
Being able to separate the nitty gritty of working together as a team from your personal time together.
making time for one another and remembering that nobody is perfect, learning to live with the unimportant things that annoy you about the other.
So much more, I'll add as you go along.
Great thread idea OP

JoandMax Tue 04-Oct-16 18:56:34

I think of it as meaning you share responsibility for your life together, emotionally as well as day to day practicalities. Also knowing the other will step up to do more if you're ill or need some extra support

corythatwas Tue 04-Oct-16 19:00:50

To me, it means that we're pulling together, not competing with each other; that we both pull our weight without needing to be asked to do so; that we are working for the same goal; that we are loyal and watch out for one another; that we stand by each other when things get difficult.

zznotxy Tue 04-Oct-16 19:02:20

For me it goes beyond 50 50. Sometimes you need 90 10, sometimes OH needs 90 10. It's about getting the job done, each according to their needs, each according to their abilities. You have each other's back at all times and you have one common purpose 'us', - to include DCs if you have them.

JasperDamerel Tue 04-Oct-16 19:05:50

To me, it means having shared goals, and working together and separately to reach them.

MrsT2007 Tue 04-Oct-16 19:41:36

And covering each other's backs. Feeling knackered? I'll cook dinner tonight. Got work to do? Don't stress, I'll sort the ironing out. We have unconsciously developed a system of one cooks, one tidies etc. It's that helping each other without it being conscious all the time.
Not undermining each other. Backing each other up as parents (especially if the kids are playing you off against each other!)
Working towards shared goals.

salamandress Tue 04-Oct-16 20:04:27

Me and my ex-partner weren't a team. It's a wonder we got by for so long.

This is how it was:
- no communication
-not feeling heard
-feeling slightly competitive at times
-no ability to work together on small projects or problems (e.g.flat pack furniture)
-not seeing eye to eye on parenting
-not being able to ask for help
- him not being there when I desperately needed him (e.g. vomiting bug and clingy baby...)
-selfishness
-not feeling loved or cared like the other person has your back
-not having opinion's respected
-never doing menial life tasks together like school run/shop etc
-blah.

Glad I'm out.

Spudlet Tue 04-Oct-16 20:07:34

We have each other's backs, we put the other person first and we don't keep score of who earns what, who did the dishes etc.

AyeAmarok Tue 04-Oct-16 20:12:22

Yes, you should be a team.

For me, that means the other automatically stepping up with chores/organising/whatever without being asked when the other can't for whatever reason. It not being a "well I did X so you owe me". It's very fluid.

Supporting each other in their endeavours, whether that be their studies, their work, going for a promotion, health issues.

Always feeling like you've got someone in your corner, someone that has your back.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 05-Oct-16 07:02:01

These responses have been very helpful in me seeing the bigger picture.

Where do you think third parties come in? Not straight forward ones but, e.g. members of your family of origin, exes who are now friends or mates who aren't always a friend of the relationship.

ChuckBiscuits Wed 05-Oct-16 07:09:33

RedMapleLeaf.

What is your issue?

If there is a problem with your relationship then explain and then people can be specific. Because it is all context dependent.

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