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Will this arrangement work?

(14 Posts)
D0ni Mon 03-Oct-16 21:50:37

Hubby and I are separating due to his cheating. It's taken him a while to accept there's no fixing up for us.

He works 2 hours away from where we normally live. I'm planning on buying a house for me and our 2 DC. While he is planning on buying a place where he works (he currently lodges with a home owner there during the week).

In order for him to see the kids he will stay in the spare room Fri, Sat, Sun and provide childcare Monday while I work - then travels back to work himself on Mon evening.

Unfortunately neither of us has any family in our area so him staying at his mum's, sister's etc. isn't an option.

I'm a little nervous about this arrangement but I'm not sure we have any other option than to try it. Is there another way I haven't thought of? Does anyone work an arrangement like this already?

donotgoogledragonbutter Mon 03-Oct-16 21:58:02

why can't he get a place closer to you and put up with the commute?

FetchezLaVache Mon 03-Oct-16 22:01:34

No, it's a terrible idea. Absolutely terrible.

Either he buys a house near you and continues to lodge near work mid-week, or he accepts seeing them EOW and some of the holidays in his new house near work and you pay for childcare on a Monday.

If you feel obliged to give this a go, set clear rules - such as that he makes absolutely no housework of any kind for you and that you won't be cooking for him - and a clear trial period, at the end of which you can call a halt to it if it's not working for you.

D0ni Mon 03-Oct-16 22:04:26

Do you mean somewhere inbetween the two?

I think the commute is about 2:40 on a good run

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 03-Oct-16 22:09:06

why can't he get a place closer to you and put up with the commute?

Not sure many people would want a 5.5 hour commute a day.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Mon 03-Oct-16 22:13:10

you really want your ex in your house, snooping about three days a week...?

reading your post, using your washing machine, in your space, playing house like nothing ever changed.

D0ni Mon 03-Oct-16 22:16:38

No I'm not really comfortable with the idea but struggling to think of other workable options.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 03-Oct-16 22:16:54

What if either of you meet someone new? This seems like a temporary solution only that could get messy

Cabrinha Mon 03-Oct-16 22:19:42

Well the good news is, even though love didn't last with him, we tend to be attracted to similar people, because of their similar interests and value.

So, chances are your next boyfriend and your ex husband will get on pretty well, so there'll be no awkward Saturday night meals.

Love, you need to think this through!

As a transitional temporary situation when two people are still totally amicable, but a clear end in sight - fine.

As a permanent arrangement - just no.

Why even bother splitting up if he lives with you just as much under the new arrangement as he does now?!

Best solution is that he looks for work much closer to you, and you both live in the children's town.

Otherwise, he has the kids at his place EOW.

That arrangement is madness, sorry.

1potato2potato3potato4 Mon 03-Oct-16 22:22:13

How about EOW and use paid childcare for Monday.
The EOW I'd be out. ALOT!
Surely it's only temporary until he buys his own place anyway?

Cabrinha Mon 03-Oct-16 22:22:35

Ah, you're (unsurprisingly) uncomfortable with the idea.
The cheating wanker's idea was it? All carries on as normal?

Why can't he just come collect the children every other Fri night and have them until Mon night is pre-school age or Mon school drop off / Sun night?

D0ni Mon 03-Oct-16 22:23:40

Thank you for your replies. I know you are right! and I would be so much more comfortable if he sets his base close to us.

Cabrinha Mon 03-Oct-16 22:24:12

If the commute for child access is too long, then he needs to move in between work and your current home, and suck up whatever the daily commute to work is.

Cabrinha Mon 03-Oct-16 22:25:50

Stick to your guns.
Tell him that (despite him being an utter arsehole for cheating) your aim is to co-parent well, and that this arrangement will put so much strain on that, that you can't do it.

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